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AIBU?

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
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Original poster
8catsaremycoven · 22/10/2020 15:47

@Dangermouseis42now

Had he hissed a racist comment at me would you still think that I should have sucked it up?!

I didn't re-engage, I gave him a single PA comment as I went about my business in exactly the same manner and tone that he used to me.

OP posts:
SecretSpAD · 22/10/2020 15:53

There are some extremely disgusting people on this thread. If people in other countries are not seeing people exempt from a mask then maybe they have to wonder whether that country has adequate protection for disabled people?

I am asthmatic and couldn't wear a mask many years ago when I was a junior doctor. I am now early 50's and guess what? I still can't wear one. Believe me it is not through want of trying. My inability to wear a mask 30 years ago led to me not pursuing the career I had wanted for many years. In fact it led to me being in ICU following a severe asthma attack.
Some people cannot wear masks. They have a genuine and legitimate reason and should be allowed to go about their business without harassment from random arseholes who have no understanding of their struggles.

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 15:55

There are some extremely disgusting people on this thread

I don't know about that. There's definitely a bunch of hyperbolic drama queens though.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/10/2020 15:57

Had he hissed a racist comment at me would you still think that I should have sucked it up?!

Sorry but that is not comparable to hissing that you should wear a mask.
I am really sorry for what happened to you before, but it doesn't make you a victim to roll eyes at someone, rather than approaching them later, it makes you smart. You would have all my sympathy if he went off at you, but you approached him later and escalated the situation when there was simply no need.

NeverAMillionMilesAway · 22/10/2020 15:57

some people can not wear masks. You may have a view on how many of the people claiming to be exempt actually are, but that's a different issue. The fact is some people, for physical or mental health reasons just can not.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/10/2020 15:57

Covid is a viral pandemic, his comments would have reflected fear and anxiety which you know nothing about, the same

Or he could just be an arsehole, Covid seems to have brought them all out of the woodwork.

Dangermouseis42now · 22/10/2020 16:00

[quote 8catsaremycoven]@Dangermouseis42now

Had he hissed a racist comment at me would you still think that I should have sucked it up?!

I didn't re-engage, I gave him a single PA comment as I went about my business in exactly the same manner and tone that he used to me.

[/quote]
You are reaching here OP

He did not hiss a racist comment at you though. Nor did he slap you , stab you with a knife or any other imaginary thing...

He commented on National guidance to wear a mask

You then approached him later

I saved my earlier comment without finishing it accidentally ..: and it fits in here well...

... the same as he knew nothing about you

I have reservations that this was an unhealthy exchange, it unnecessary that you effectively re engaged with him knowing your reasons as you do, and why you've failed to listen in an AIBU to anyone other than those who parroted your view

As several have said general asthma -which is what you said you told him off your own back which made you exempt - usually does not medically not stop someone from being able to wear a mask, (asthma is not a disability unless severe) and it's even more of a reason to wear a mask. Several HCPs have commented about that in general

Which would always have left you frustrated knowing that you could not explain the why & PTSD part of it, but what would make you impulsively do that to yourself or anyone else in a supermarket ? When you would have been better social distancing and not having unnecessary verbal altercations

PTSD can cause over reactiveness, oversensitivity, adrenaline led responses - it may be better to talk to someone about this who can support you rather than try to rail up the MNs baying crowd. I'm not sure any of this thread is as helpful as you think it is.

WalesAppearsToBeSlightlySaner · 22/10/2020 16:01

You shouldn't have to give your health history to random strangers. The way you can tell someone is exempt? They're not wearing a mask. Compliance is very high, which is why people stand out when they aren't wearing one. If your sentence might start "I just had to say", trust me you don't. No one is owed an explanation.

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 16:05

The way you can tell someone is exempt? They're not wearing a mask isn't there a lanyard you can wear?

Brefugee · 22/10/2020 16:06

Had he hissed a racist comment at me would you still think that I should have sucked it up?!

If you read threads where similar PA hissed not-directly-to-the-OP talk about behaviour like this, general consensus is "don't put yourself in potential danger". So yes - ignore and carry on. Definitely don't go up to them and complain.

The pragmatic approach is nearly always right.

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 16:09

OP, you can be fined or refused entry for not wearing a mask. Just order a hidden disabilities lanyard. Don't understand why you wouldn't?

ArcheryAnnie · 22/10/2020 16:10

Compliance isn't very high, Wales, or at least, it isn't round here. I wish it was.

WouldBeGood · 22/10/2020 16:11

@ArcheryAnnie I think maybe you should seek help for health anxiety and your stress reaction

JingsMahBucket · 22/10/2020 16:11

[quote 8catsaremycoven]@Dangermouseis42now

Had he hissed a racist comment at me would you still think that I should have sucked it up?!

I didn't re-engage, I gave him a single PA comment as I went about my business in exactly the same manner and tone that he used to me.

[/quote]
Oooooooh, that (likely) white privilege is blinding!

Thespottytortoise · 22/10/2020 16:11

If the position is that not even those charged with ensuring people wear masks in store, can ask for reasons why, then are we just accepting that it's a completely pointless and unenforceable law?

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2020 16:12

@Janevaljane

OP, you can be fined or refused entry for not wearing a mask. Just order a hidden disabilities lanyard. Don't understand why you wouldn't?
Because she doesn’t need to. If she is asked to put on a mask, she tells the person she is exempt. If someone tries to fine her, she says she is exempt. No proof of exemption is required.

It isn’t rocket science.

Stefoscope · 22/10/2020 16:13

You shouldn't have to give your health history to random strangers. The way you can tell someone is exempt? They're not wearing a mask. Compliance is very high, which is why people stand out when they aren't wearing one. If your sentence might start "I just had to say", trust me you don't. No one is owed an explanation. Very true. Fortunately I've only had one man try to challenge me for not wearing a mask. I told him I was exempt and didn't engage with him further, despite him being a nosey bugger trying to press me for more information. I remained polite and resisted the urge to quiz him back on why he was wearing a mask with a big hole in it!

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 16:13

Then don't moan if people challenge you! How difficult is it to put a lanyard round your neck before you go into a shop?!

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2020 16:14

@Janevaljane

Then don't moan if people challenge you! How difficult is it to put a lanyard round your neck before you go into a shop?!
How difficult is it to leave the enforcement to shop staff?
ArcheryAnnie · 22/10/2020 16:15

[quote WouldBeGood]@ArcheryAnnie I think maybe you should seek help for health anxiety and your stress reaction[/quote]
Ah, yes, worrying about public responses to illness prevention measures during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC of a virus that kills people and leaves others long-term ill is now something which is my personal mental health "anxiety" problem, rather than a fairly ordinary and reasonable position?

Don't be so bloody ridiculous and patronising.

Bitchysideisouttoplay · 22/10/2020 16:15

Tbh you were being unreasonable to go over and confront him when he muttered something, that was inky going to lead to an argument.
If you cant wear a mask you cant wear it, it's that simple.

Spikeyball · 22/10/2020 16:15

Yes people must make sure they are nicely labelled in order to stop men being abusive.

dazzlinghaze · 22/10/2020 16:15

People who go around telling folk to put a mask on... what do you think you're actually achieving? People who can wear masks and choose not to won't give a damn if some busybody in Asda tells them they should be wearing a mask. They know they're supposed to and they've been bold enough to go out not wearing one anyway. They might put it on for a minute to get you to go away but they're not going to suddenly see the error of their ways and start wearing a mask. You might remind a few people who have genuinely forgotten to put one on before entering a shop but for the most part the only people you will be having any real effect on are people who are exempt. You will be embarrassing and upsetting people who are legally allowed to forgo wearing a mask.

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 16:16

Surely having a lanyard would be very satisfying, you could just wave it at anyone who moaned with a sarcastic smile. No conversation needed

Spikeyball · 22/10/2020 16:18

Some people don't like wearing a lanyard because it makes them a target.