Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

because people who are so called "exempt" manage to wear a mask when they really have to... that's why

I don't know about hospitals but our local GP says to let them know in advance if you don't wear a mask.

Where I am most people are wearing them. I suppose you can get online shopping slots now, even if it's just click and collect, so maybe the majority of those who don't want to wear a mask are avoiding the shops. Despite an OP saying the support organisations are still running, I've seen no evidence of that in my area and the local FB support group has been deleted.

PP not OP

@Dangermouseis42now that link is for England. I don’t live in England. Millions of us don’t.
I have looked and I can assure you there is nothing.

@Spikeyball

Are some people so unbelievably stupid that they think absolutely everyone can wear a mask because it seems there are a few of those on here.

I don't think people are saying that

They are saying there's far less people that cannot wear a mask and have genuine medical or psychological inability to, than the numbers seen out who are claiming to be exempt and choosing not to wear a mask .

For example asthma is not a general reason not to wear a paper mask, it's a reason it's more important a person wears one. Unless your asthma or COPD is at severe level, of which is a low percentage of people with asthma - and are the severest of those (continues O2 or SOB on exertion) - there's little or no medical reason a mask interferes with breathing. It's uncomfortable for some people but medical advice is wear a mask.

We get high levels of mask compliance in hospital and respiratory and cardiac clinics , who would be considered most at risk of being exempt from what people claim.

@Dangermouseis42now

I did read the OP

This doesn’t sound a polite request to me.
I’m quite surprised it does to you.

Maybe that is considered polite in your part of the world, I don’t know!

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I am one of the mask exempt, and I will answer what people keep asking about visors, obviously it's just my reasons, but I am heartily sick of the assumption that some people need to make more effort, or just try a visor, or a scarf etc etc.

TRIGGER WARNING RAPE

I have PTSD, it's from being abducted and raped for three days straight twenty years ago. During it, I had a sack tied over my head, which was ripped off everytime one of them wanted to use my mouth, then put back in place. I still have the scars from the rope burns around my neck.

I won't go into what happened any more than that, I don't want to trigger anyone else and I am shaking writing this, it's the first time I've ever written anything about it down, so please forgive any typos.
After twenty years of mental health support and every kind of therapy available, I still cannot wear scarves, sunglasses, sunhats, cycling helmets, shirts with collars, coats unless the top is open and well away from my neck (I sew the tops back so they don't accidentally brush my neck) and hoods.

I had to give up the career I was then studying for as I cannot wear lab goggles, and I had to give up my hobbies for the same reason.

I don't live in the UK, and here there is no online shopping or click and collect, and I don't have anyone who can shop for me, so my choices are shop and be hassled (which happens a lot here for people not wearing masks) or starve. There have been many, many days when starving seems better, but I have my elderly neighbour's shopping to do too, and her humour and kindness keep me going.

Prior to this, my mental health was ok, and as good as it probably ever will be, I hadn't been triggered in years and my life was pretty normal, and I was at peace and happy. I thought I'd managed to put what happened behind me for good.

Now I am back to fighting off thoughts that I would be better off dead. I spent years battling thoughts that I'd be better off dead as I will never be "normal" again, and I will always be a broken burden on society, not being able to wear a mask, and being treated like I could find a solution if I just tried hard enough has brought it all back.

When I do my shopping, I buy as much as I can at a time, and then get hassle for "hoarding" but it means I don't have to go as often. Obviously it's a bit of a different situation as I'm not in the UK, but I hope that answers why visors aren't possible for some either. I will get through this again, I have once, and I am obsessive about social distancing and all the other measures, and I try to do my shopping at the least busy times, but it's not easy for anyone.

Now I'm going to post before I lose the courage and delete it all like I did twice last night. for all who are struggling, for any reason x

Re hospitals - My dad was not allowed to wear a mask by his consultant due to his medical conditions. So no, not everyone "manages to wear a mask" for hospital appointments and anyone who insists they do is merely displaying their limited experience.

You need an online delivery, and ditto if asthma is that bad you don't want to catch covid.
Asthmatic relatives aren't going anywhere.

I'd have told him to fuck off in a very loud voice.

@Saltandstars

My heart goes out to you.
What a horrific ordeal and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I cannot imagine what you went through from such a vile person or people and you should not have to explain yourself.
Even to Mrs Nosey Twat and her supposed legal right.

It’s NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.

yes , I’m shouting.

A bit of snot rag, does not keep you safe..end of.

A bit of snot rag, does not keep you safe..end of.

No it doesn't - but a mask helps keep others safe. This is what all the available and current scientific evidence says. You may not like that this is the case, but I can't help that.

@Dowser thank you x

Saltandstars, I have no words whatsoever. What an horrific ordeal you have been through and continue to have to deal with, you must certainly should not have to deal with the worry about mask wearing, and most certainly not the ignorant, self obsessed arse holes who have no ability to even think for a minute before they engage their minute brains.

This is all stressful enough without having to deal with past traumas being brought to the fore and experiencing all those hideous feelings all over again. I'm just so sorry to anyone having to deal with that. I hate the ignorant arse holes on your behalf

Blame all the selfish twats who 'choose' not to wear a mask. It's pretty dispiriting for those of us who are vulnerable when nearly half of the people in supermarkets don't wear a mask. And unfair on those, like you, who can't.

He shouldn't have shouted at you, but you didn't need to go over to him and explain. Just walk away next time.

Oh, @Saltandstars I have no words. 💐

Use a lanyard to indicate you are exempt.

Saltandstars that's absolutely horrific, I am so sorry.

For what it's worth (and it seems to have got lost in this discussion) I don't think anyone with an exemption is under any obligation to explain the nature of their obligation (just as I don't owe anyone an explanation for why I need the lift). When I ask other people to put their mask on, if anyone says they have an exception, of course I accept it. It's just too many people where I live who don't have an exception. don't wear masks, or wear them incorrectly, putting everyone else at risk.

Thank you Cornerflake and WouldBeGood x.

Lanyards aren't a thing here either, but I think one of the worst things about not being able to wear a mask, aside from feeling like you are letting other people down, is feeling like there's a massive spotlight shining right on you, it make me feel extremely exposed. It also brings back all the shame and self disgust that often comes with being a rape survivor full force.

@Saltandstars I'm so sorry that happened to you . Please don't think you're a burden on society, you have just as much right to be on this Earth and your life matters just as much as the next person's. If your post doesn't illustrate why some people can't wear masks and those who maintain that 'x country manages just fine without exemptions' think for a moment, then there really is no compassion in some people. The truth is we don't know how those countries are really 'coping'. Those who live alone may not be getting the food and essentials they need to survive and their health may be slowly deteriorating as a result. We won't know the full impact for months yet.

Unfortunately I predict the death toll of those who lose their lives to mental illness execerbated by lockdowns, DV and not being able to access the support they need will be much higher than those who die with the virus. I'm not saying we don't need to take measures to control the spread of the virus or that one person's life is more important than another's. But treat other's as you'd like to be treated yourself, which I assume doesn't involve being muttered at by some cowardly dickhead in a shop.

The sunflower lanyard is interesting. I and lots of people I know never heard of it until it hit news here because some dickhead was encouraging anti makers to buy them. Did they just come out last year? If it's not generally known, it won't really help...

I see a fair few couples not wearing masks, I guess they are both exempt

Thanks ArcheryAnnie

Thank you Stefoscope I appreciate it x

Yanbu. Next time I would ignore passing comment and if directly asked would just say 'I do not need to disclose any personal information.' I was in a shop in late august and there was a woman without a mask on the shop assistant(I think owner, small little holiday shop) started going on and on and asking her why she didn't, she was on the brink of tears so I stepped in and said she didn't need to disclose her medical information and as far as I was aware he shouldn't be even asking her anyway. He went quiet and she said thank you but we left even though there was nice things I just didn't want to give my money to someone so willing to just watch someone as they struggled.

There are various threads about people who’ve been challenged by members of the public for not wearing a mask. However, it doesn’t seem the nosy members of the public are challenging those who are incorrectly wearing masks. I see so many people who fiddle with their masks, wear it under their nose, wear it on their chin, admit they never wash it (if it’s reusable) and throw it next to a bin as opposed to in the bin etc. I’ve had various hospital appointments recently and I noticed a number of staff members wearing their masks under their nose. Talk about ridiculous and putting themselves at hugely increased risk, surely?!