Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

Quote

He has no right to comment and it’s not okay for a complete stranger to make comments to you like that. He didn’t want to know that you were exempt or why you were exempt. He wanted to use you as an excuse to let out some of his rage about people not wearing masks as soon as he’d spotted you and it’s shit and unfair but as soon as you bit back, he saw his opening and went for it.

There are people like this everywhere and there were people like this pre COVID who wander around in life waiting for a chance or excuse to kick off. All you can do is ignore them and not engage. Yes, it’s shit and unfair and why should you etc. But you’d be in a lot better mood right now if you had ignored him.

Sometimes a big smuggy mcsmug smile Pisses them off even more.

if the mask was to protect the wearer, then id have more sympathy for whoever self identifies as exempt, as of course thats their lookout. Like seatbelts are compulsory etc with very few exemptions, but they mainly protect the wearer, not others. Masks are to protect the people around you from your covid-breath, so actually its everyones business to some extent, just like pollution is everyones business

Why can't you get shopping delivered, OP?

@ZoeTurtle

Why can't you get shopping delivered, OP?

Why can’t you if you don’t like shopping with people obeying the law?

Simple solution

@WouldBeGood

One more time, *@ArcheryAnnie*

Whatever your peculiar interpretation of this is, what you are saying is NOT the law.

Wear your mask and leave other people alone.

If someone is breaking the law in a way that is putting my safety, and the safety of other people, at risk, then it is perfectly reasonable, and perfectly legal, for me to raise this with them. if they are one of the very small number of people for whom the action they are taking is not illegal, then they can tell me so. It doesn't make the illegality of all the others flouting the law any more legal.

How many times do i have to say this?

and what about all the essential shopworkers who have to breathe in your covid breath? Find another job?
We have had several supermarkets round here with pockets of staff having to now self isolate. Some supermarkets ive been in have been barely 50% of people wearing them or wearing them correctly.

God we really are going to end up in lockdown again arent we

@ArcheryAnnie

I think asking others to put on a mask is hardly "bullying" and "tormenting".

This isn't some random law. This is to stop us infecting each other with a serious and potentially fatal disease.

He didn’t ask though, and neither was it his position to ask

He told her what she should be doing..wearing a mask.

Not his position, not his place.

The more we accept rules
The more we consent to be ‘ruled’
I don’t give my consent to any of this .

So hypothetically if the OP had the choice between 1) being able to have her past trauma never happen and thus be able to wear a mask and 2) to continue to have to live each day with PTSD and be 'free' to not wear a mask. The majority of posters are thinking she'd still choose option 2?

Glad to see mental illness is well understood and supported in society. Telling someone to 'try to wear a visor or a scarf' in the OP's situation is like telling someone who's chronically depressed that they just need to think happy thoughts and their depression will magically disappear. It also insults their intelligence by assuming that they haven't already considered or attempted this option.

Those questioning non mask wearers are in fact those breaking the law under the equality act

@Branleuse

and what about all the essential shopworkers who have to breathe in your covid breath? Find another job? We have had several supermarkets round here with pockets of staff having to now self isolate. Some supermarkets ive been in have been barely 50% of people wearing them or wearing them correctly.

God we really are going to end up in lockdown again arent we

Before masks, I went every week to our covered in shopping centre, saw all the same staff every week. A local reporter did a small survey of the supermarkets and shops that stayed open and all of them said no one was off I’ll with covid.

Who says we have covid breath?

Lockdown doesn’t work.

@WouldBeGood absolutely and can be fined up to £9000

@PumpkinetChocolat

there is no requirement for people to wear masks if exempt.

hopefully that will change.

The country financially cannot bear other lockdowns, at some point we need alternative solutions. HEAVY fines for all rule breakers, masks refusers would be a million time more efficient and cost effective.

There's no way in hell the UK is the only country with a population physically unable to wear a mask, it's ridiculous. Read forums from abroad, there's no such drama and nonsense. People don't like masks and might be very unhappy about wearing one, fine, but no one needs to make up vapours and sensitivity.

All the demonstrations in other countries have passed you by then?

@WouldBeGood

Those questioning non mask wearers are in fact those breaking the law under the equality act

No they aren't! It's not offensive to ask why someone isn't wearing a mask. Pointless, yes, but not harassment, even if it irritates the non mask wearer.

Dowser would you be happy if cafes had your attitude, and ignored the rules that require them to comply with food safety regulations? Would you be happy if builders ignored the rules that require them to comply with building standards designed to ensure buildings won't collapse? Would you be happy with fridge manufacturers who ignored regulations which force them to manufacture fridges which are unlikely to burst into flame?

There's a reason for the rules, and the fact that a few people are (rightfully) exempt from those rules doesn't mean it should be a free for all, or that we should ignore more general rule-breaking, when that rule-breaking puts us all at risk.

No point using law and suggest some empathy to lot on this thread. Just horrible. Maybe one day you’ll get out of your bubbles and understand how wrong you have been.

In fact, I've just been into Sainsbury's. Member of staff said to member of staff on the door "if people aren't wearing masks you need to ask why and if they are exempt" (poor woman!!) So I doubt it's classed as harassment to do so.

I work in a supermarket. We have about 200 employees. We have had 4 confirmed cases of COVID. 2 are still isolating. 2 are back at work in perfect health.

If it had been a tummy bug or flu in the past, we would have lost half the shop to it for several weeks.

This either shows that the measures that we do take are working or that the virus is less virulent than the media, government would have us believe.

The most shocking thing about the virus is the higher death toll in the beginning, which appears to be falling now.

Reading this thread I’m grateful I live abroad. The U.K. government seems to be so desperate for everyone to like them that every rule has 10 exceptions and the lack of clarity makes a coherent approach feel impossible. (Maybe I’m wrong, I’m not living there right now so have only hearsay from friends, family and sites like this to go on).

Where I live everyone appreciates the clarity and there is a very high approval rating for the government’s approach - even when people don’t like certain measures. One thing that is totally clear is that, if you don’t wear a mask, you don’t enter a shop. It’s black and white, no exemptions (apart from young kids) and therefore no arguments. If you don’t want to mask there are (limited) online delivery options or you can ask a friend or family member to help out but the shop isn’t going to let you through the door. Draconian? Maybe but that’s not a view I’ve heard anyone express round here. There’s a widespread understanding that we have to work together to get rid of Covid.

@ArcheryAnnie

Dowser would you be happy if cafes had your attitude, and ignored the rules that require them to comply with food safety regulations? Would you be happy if builders ignored the rules that require them to comply with building standards designed to ensure buildings won't collapse? Would you be happy with fridge manufacturers who ignored regulations which force them to manufacture fridges which are unlikely to burst into flame?

There's a reason for the rules, and the fact that a few people are (rightfully) exempt from those rules doesn't mean it should be a free for all, or that we should ignore more general rule-breaking, when that rule-breaking puts us all at risk.

It's all about calculating risk.

The risk of flouting food safety regulations and building standards, for example, is arguably higher hence the non-negotiable rules?

Who has stats on the risk of non mask wearing when other safety measures are in place? E.g. sanitiser, social distancing.

@WouldBeGood

Those questioning non mask wearers are in fact those breaking the law under the equality act

Sorry, this is nonsense, too. Asking someone to wear their mask correctly isn't "harassment".

Or how about all the people particularly vulnerable to covid bring charges under the Equality Act against those who aren't wearing masks, on the grounds it is "indirect discrimination - putting rules or arrangements in place that apply to everyone, but that put someone with a protected characteristic at an unfair disadvantage".

There has to be some mutual understanding, and there has to be acknowledgement that while some people cannot wear masks and that has to be respected, it's also the case that too many people not wearing masks means that other people's lives, health and ability to navigate public life is also severely impeded.

I can understand the man's frustration but there was no need for him to go off at you. He should have done what I do when I see people not wearing masks - the British thing of silently seething
However in your situation you shouldn't have to explain why you don't/can't wear a mask. Hope this doesn't happen to you again.

To be honest, he sounds like the sort of thug that just likes kicking off. If we didn't have COVID19, it would be you being in his way or something

He has no right to comment and

He wasn't talking directly to the OP though (although he clearly was talking about her in a roundabout way), and unfortunate as his comment and attitude are he has every right to comment. He missed the "don't be a dick" memo, but as we see on most threads these days, we have no idea what his day was like up to then and we don't know his background story.

t’s not okay for a complete stranger to make comments to you like that.

AFAIK there are limited circumstances under law - but there definitely are some - where you can't say certain things to people. Not sure where a PA hiss when walking past someone falls on the scale.

Sometimes we do say things out loud in society which are for the good of everyone that the target doesn't want to hear. for the hard of understanding: i am not talking about this situation and not talking about the OP for whom i have sympathy here.
For example in Germany people tend to pay careful attention to pedestrian lights. You can be fined on the spot for jaywalking so there's an incentive. But often there will be a group of mixed ages, say a couple of younger people, a few elderly ladies, and some parents with small children. And one of the younger people (say a woman of 35 hurrying to work) will start to cross while the pedestrian light is red. It is EXTREMELY common for one of the elderly ladies to call out "Don't cross, set an example to the children" and while the person being an idiot is embarassed, mostly people approve of this sentiment. Because we are all responsiblie citizens and responsible for how society works.

It is uncomfortable to be challenged about mask wearing. But it is entirely sure that people have walked into a supermarket and clearly forgotten to put on a mask. And if someone says "where's your mask" they go "oops,forgot" get one out and put it on. No harm done. Or they say - "oh I'm exempt, I'm being careful about distancing"

Unfortunately many people are dicks - and we need strategies to cope that don't put a strain on our MH or our patience or safety.

**When you do not need to wear a face covering
In settings where face coverings are required in England, there are some circumstances where people may not be able to wear a face covering. Please be mindful and respectful of such circumstances, noting that some people are less able to wear face coverings, and that the reasons for this may not be visible to others.

This includes (but is not limited to):

children under the age of 11 (Public Health England does not recommend face coverings for children under the age of 3 for health and safety reasons)
people who cannot put on, wear or remove a face covering because of a physical or mental illness or impairment, or disability
where putting on, wearing or removing a face covering will cause you severe distress

I do think there is something particularly repugnant about anybody who pops up to tell a rape survivor "well, I was raped and I don't have the problems you describe so you just need to get over it."

Of all the dickheads on this thread, that is in a league of its own.

Amen.