Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

Most people with asthma, even if it’s severe, can manage to wear a face mask for a short period of time, and shouldn't worry if they need to wear one. Wearing a mask does not reduce a person’s oxygen supply or cause a build-up of carbon dioxide. You may have read stories that say that it can, but this isn’t true

Just FYI. From Asthma uk.

I did not chase after him, I continued to do my shopping and as I passed him said (in a PA tone that matched his) I'm exempt. He then decided to raise his voice to me and started his rant. I was at least 3m further up the aisle when he started.

I fully appreciate that I could have ignored him, but he had no right to comment in the first place. Why is it ok for a complete stranger to comment? Approach me, in a SD way, and ask me if you're really that desperate to engage. Otherwise be grateful that you can wear a mask, stay away from me (as I am from you) and just do your shopping 👍🏼

Unless of course this week's "Middle of Lidl " special offers include "Vent your mask rage on a total stranger without knowing their history "👍🏼

We are all relying on people following the rules.

The rules allow for exemptions.

The rules allow for exemptions.

The rules allow for exemptions.

How can people not understand this?

Do people on building sites claim exemption from hard hats. Do firefighters or surgeons claim exemptions.
Its upsetting, and then people come and gloat about their exemptions. You dont even need a note from doctor. You can just self identify as exempt. No wonder people are upset

@PurpleDaisies

We are all relying on people following the rules.

The rules allow for exemptions.

The rules allow for exemptions.

The rules allow for exemptions.

How can people not understand this?

This

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@ArcheryAnnie
No it doesn’t because most disabled who are vulnerable to Covid will also be exempt from wearing a mask. There is a massive overlap of vulnerable disabled and exempt.[/quote]
I'm sorry, this is nonsense. Lots of people are especially vulnerable to covid but can still wear a mask. Lots of people who have exemptions (eg for PTSD) are not otherwise more vulnerable to covid than the general population. (And, to be clear, everyone is vulnerable to some extent.)

MENU
Mumsnet
Premium

Talk AIBU?
FirstPrev
18
NextLast18
Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask 429
OP’s posts: See all
Show OP
Today 09:33Branleuse

Ok so on one hand the media whips everyone up into a frenzy, we are potentially about to enter a second lockdown, and yet noone supposed to have any opinion on the huge increasing amount of people swanning about mask free.
Yet we can call someone selfish, call for prosecution or expulsion for not isolating completely correctly. What if being stuck indoors in a,lockdown with abusers triggers people or worse than that.
We are all relying on people following the rules. Its not as if the rest of us like our masks or havent had to develop strategies to tolerate them despite our own abuse or disabilities.

If this gets deleted then im fucking cancelling my mumsnet premium because this is such bollocks
Bookmark

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISING

I fully appreciate that I could have ignored him, but he had no right to comment in the first place. Why is it ok for a complete stranger to comment?

Of course he 'had a right'. Anyone is allowed to say whatever they want. If you are going to shop with no mask,.visor or lanyard then you'll have to grow a thicker skin.

Have you done a risk assessment on a building site and one on COVID and seen where the stats lie regarding how likely you are to die from COVID or having a brick falling on your head?

The rules allow for people to have their own feelings

The rules allow people to have their own feelings

The rules allow people to have their own feelings

Ugh sorry

Comment is last 2 paras

@Janevaljane Asthma UK are great, but they deal with asthma and not asthma complicated by PTSD. They also say "most people " can tolerate masks which therefore expresses that SOME people can't.

@Janevaljane

You have absolutely no right to say such a disablist comment. The LAW sets out exemptions. Yet you know better?!

Having asthma doesn't make you disabled.

Not automatically. But asthma can make you disabled. It is by definition a disability.

Some people are such busy bodies and can’t use their brains to think why a responsible grown woman isn’t wearing a mask! Really fucking annoying.

Stay at home then.

[quote 8catsaremycoven]@Janevaljane Asthma UK are great, but they deal with asthma and not asthma complicated by PTSD. They also say "most people " can tolerate masks which therefore expresses that SOME people can't.[/quote]
Yes and they also say if you really struggle then don't wear one.

But you have to expect occasionally people are going to grumble at you

The rules allow for people to have their own feelings.

So people can be pissed off with the rules as they are. They are not entitled to be pissed off with people like the op who are following them as they apply to their particular circumstances. It is wrong for people on this thread to be berating the op for not doing things she is not obliged to do so,

@ArcheryAnnie
No, it’s not “nonsense” and yes while “lots” of people exempt from a mask are not medically more vulnerable than mask wearers. It is still true that most disabled vulnerable to Covid are also mask exempt. Think about the disabling conditions that make you vulnerable- Cardiovascular disease, severe active asthma, COPD,- these also are the primary reasons people are exempt from a mask.
The PTSD population while “lots” is far far smaller.

@Janevaljane

Ugh sorry

Comment is last 2 paras

With that advertisement in I though you were saying the poster was advertising a premium😂😂😂 Like outing mumsnet for planted ads😂😂

@Branleuse

The rules allow for people to have their own feelings

The rules allow people to have their own feelings

The rules allow people to have their own feelings

Having your own feelings is fine.

Being awful to people who are acting within the law because of those feelings is not fine.

I’m amazed that there aren’t more health care professionals in hospitals and care settings exempt from mask wearing. Some countries make no exemptions and if you’re exempt from a respiratory condition point of view - you should probably stay at home and shield as much as you can anyway. As for the PTSD - try a visor?

Fajitanita (kindly stop @ me, it's rude)
you obvs have a comprehension problem, or is it just me because scores of people have said, boiled down, exactly the same thing as me in a much meaner way

There is a pandemic. Masks are compulsory. If you don't wear one it is to be expected especially in a passive aggressive society like the UK where nearly nobody says what they mean directly to anyone that comments will be made.

For her own sanity the OP should consider ignoring, thicker skin, ear buds what-the-fuck-ever but the comments aren't going to stop. And some of them are likely to be much worse than someone muttering as they walk past her.

And as pp said: i'm not seeing this discussion on German boards, and haven't heard it from friends in places like the States, NZ, France, China or Korea.

And FWIW to people asking about asthmatics in China: smog is a huge problem there and they have a lot of asthmatics. As a friend of mine over there said "it's good that we live in a dictatorship sometimes, we can just tell people to stay home and they do". Which isn't the solution, because they also have very good networks to help people struggling.

The bottom line, whether or not you believe that masks are effective or useless or whatever, current regs are to wear them. We need to get used to it. That goes for the huffers-and-puffer-PA-twats who find it necessary to make comments, as well as people who can't wear them for whatever reason.

The reality is, sadly, that this won't be the last time someone is mean to OP about not wearing a mask. And it is better for her, since she needs to be out and about, to develop a tactic to deal with it. (I don't recommend filming, it can end badly)

I'm personally starting to lose patience with allowing exceptions to face masks, which is sad because I'd be ok with it if it truly were a small number of people, but the current system is do abused. It's very tricky :-(

A coupe of questions spring to mind for me at the moment (and I'm very much debating the answers in my head).

1. we as a society effectively trapped those with serious health conditions at home for months. Those shielding had to use internet deliveries or get help with groceries, and the government had to support food parcels etc. Is there a moral difference between people shielding for their own wellbeing, and people being asked not to go into shops for others wellbeing? And if we say that maskless people (without trying to minimise these numbers) can go into places freely, does that effectively force the shielded to stay away too?

2. I'd have more sympathy if there was a general principle of exemptions from the norm in society. Some people may find it distressing to wear clothes, for example, but I've never seen someone walk round nude because of this. No doubt those with sensory, developmental or MH difficulties which make clothes wearing distressing either have to just put up with it as best they can, or find alternatives to going out. People using strong medications aren't allowed to drive. We don't allow people with Covid to break the self isolating rules because they might find it distressing. As a society we don't tend to allow exceptions where safety is at risk, or where it's an established norm, and I'm not sure logically what makes mask wearing any different.

@NameChange9824

I have PTSD. I wear a lanyard and most people leave me alone, but one women did accost me in Tesco recently. I just told her that I'd been raped by a man who had covered my nose and mouth and put his hand around my throat as he fucked me and squeezed until I blacked out and since then I've not been able to cope with my mouth being covered. Was that OK with her?

She looked freaked out and ran away.

And if someone confronts me again, I'll do the same. If they want to start an uncomfortable conversation, I'll lean right in.

For what it's worth, I have tried to wear a mask. Repeatedly. I gave up after the fourth full blown meltdown panic attack. If shops bring in facial recognition software that doesn't let non mask users in, I guess I'll stay home and starve.

@NameChange9824 you’re my hero ❤️

@NameChange9824 oh, I bet that pipped her squeak- I’m very impressed!

Some people may find it distressing to wear clothes, for example, but I've never seen someone walk round nude because of this.

Children with autism are allowed to wear different school uniform because of sensory issues. Society makes adaptations for those who cannot fit the general rules. You just haven’t noticed.