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AIBU?

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Brefugee · 22/10/2020 09:05

Fajitanita
ah yes, I bet you tell people with depression to just cheer up, or overweight people to just stop eating eh. You hear them OP, just suck it up, you'll be fine.

did you read my entire post where I sympathised with the OP and also with someone who may be (you don't know his story) who is possibly exasperated at constantly seeing people not wearing masks and doing the absolutely fucking annoying passive aggressive saying something but not actually to the person? and that she is better off trying to ignore it because speaking people to like that is potentially dangerous?

I bet you only ever read headlines, right? (two can play at this game)

I stand by my comment: this is going to happen a lot as different regions go into Tier 3 etc. If the OP has to go out, and I'm assuming she doesn't want to be trapped at home for not being able to wear a mask, I wouldn't - pragmatism is the order of the day.

Branleuse · 22/10/2020 09:06

This reply has been deleted

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Fajitanita · 22/10/2020 09:07

@Brefugee still no excuse, if he has been struggling for whatever reason then why should people be empathetic to him, and not to OP? And yes, saying to suck it up to someone who clearly cannot is ridiculous.

WouldBeGood · 22/10/2020 09:09

@Branleuse that is a truly vile comment. Have some compassion

DC3Dakota · 22/10/2020 09:10

@scubadive Masks have been shown not to affect your oxygen intake This is absolute nonsense! If that was the case, the law re: masks would not set out exemptions. If masks had been shown not to affect oxygen intake then I would not have been instructed not to wear one as a Cystic Fibrosis sufferer. If masks did not affect oxygen intake then I would not have collapsed from wearing one for God’s sake!

IncandescentSilver · 22/10/2020 09:11

I did think it likely that lockdown and mask wearing would be a green light for some abusive men to verbally attack women in public.

I bet if there had been a man not wearing a mask in the same shop, the ranting man here wouldn't have uttered a word.

peachescariad · 22/10/2020 09:11

@Branleuse

Visors trigger you?

So many exemptions on spurious reasons ffs. You cant even tell youve got a visor on.
This whole thing is pissing me off now. Such a fucking basic thing to do, but a small piece of fabric over your face, or a visor if you cant have anything touching. Or stay the hell home

Agreed....pisses me off seeing people in shops not wearing any sort of face covering.

I'd never challenge someone because of course there are a few genuine reasons but sorry, if you've not got a face covering on you are obviously going to looked at/judged or even addressed...why wouldn't you?

DC3Dakota · 22/10/2020 09:12

@Happymum12345

I’ve been on life support on a ventilator, have PTSD and trust me, wearing a mask is nothing compared to that. Please wear something to cover your mouth and nose, whatever that may be.
You have absolutely no right to say such a disablist comment. The LAW sets out exemptions. Yet you know better?!
SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/10/2020 09:14

@Loustew12

They are so unhygienic even the sage guy said kids might spread it more wearing them. There is still no good evidence that they do much. I wear one anyway out of respect for others but I respect those who don't.
Well it stops people doing stuff like sneezing and coughing in a fruit isle when facing the shelves... Surprising number of adults seem to not know they are supposed to put hand Infront of their mouth or even better, cough/sneeze into an elbow. 🤮 I am kind of glad for all the hand sanitising too. Have you ever seen how many people don't wash their hands after toilet🤮

There were number of studies showing that if majority wears it, they are helping.

Twoginsonetonic · 22/10/2020 09:14

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PlanDeRaccordement · 22/10/2020 09:16

@cunningartificer

From what you say, he commented in passing, in an undertone, not directly to you, but you then pursued him to argue. You don’t need to explain yourself to him if you’re confident about your reasons. Most supermarkets regularly have announcements to explain not everyone can wear a mask, so no need to confront him really, then you could have avoided the extra stress of that conversation.
This is my reaction too although I accept he did his directly at you. I would not have chased him down and confronted him. You had to know it would not end well.
PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2020 09:17

You are giving zero consideration to those around you.

Right back at you.
Did you miss the fact that the op has ptsd after being raped? That wearing a mask triggers it?

Where’s your consideration?

WouldBeGood · 22/10/2020 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

dazzlinghaze · 22/10/2020 09:17

Everyone saying she should wear a visor... the OP is exempt! She does not have to "show willing" and wearing a visor without a mask would do nothing but maybe appease a few self entitled pricks but that's not the OP's responsibility. OP, next time just ignore ignore ignore and if anyone tries to confront you just say "I am exempt" and walk away, you do not owe anyone an explanation. I wear my mask because I'm able to do so but I'm not so up my own arse that I can't imagine why some people would not be able to. This pandemic has really brought the worst out in some people.

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/10/2020 09:18

How is it ok for you to potentially infect people?

How? Because it is written in LAW that exempt people
-exist
-and are free as any other citizen to go about their business.

You on the other hand have no right to tell exempt people they must be virtual prisoners in their own home because of your virus anxiety.

DC3Dakota · 22/10/2020 09:19

@lovelemoncurd

I'm unclear with the asthma thing. Have those with asthma tried putting a mask on then taking your oxygen saturation reading. It doesn't lower it at all. That might help you see that masks don't affect your ability to inhale. I know there were other reasons in this ops case.
Absolute utter disablist rubbish! If that was the case, there would be no exemptions set out in LAW
ArcheryAnnie · 22/10/2020 09:21

If this guy were generally concerned, he wouldn't put himself at risk by engaging with you without a mask on. People just enjoy confrontation when they feel they have a justification to do so

@gandalf456 it was the OP who went to engage with the man, not the other way around.

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2020 09:23

Threads like this really make me lose faith in humanity.

The op cannot wear a mask. She has a genuine reason. The law makes allowances for this and she is doing absolutely nothing wrong by not wearing a mask/visor/lanyard.

People do not have the right to impose their own version of the rules on other people and get pissed off when they don’t live up to these imaginary standards.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/10/2020 09:24

@PlanDeRaccordement

How is it ok for you to potentially infect people?

How? Because it is written in LAW that exempt people
-exist
-and are free as any other citizen to go about their business.

You on the other hand have no right to tell exempt people they must be virtual prisoners in their own home because of your virus anxiety.

PlanDeRaccordement I do see the need for exemptions, but I also think that people not wearing masks, even if it's because they have that exemption, recognise that their actions contribute to other people, including disabled people, being virtual prisoners in their own home because they cannot risk exposure from people not wearing masks. This really is a zero-sum situation. Whatever happens, somebody loses.
FatimaMunchy · 22/10/2020 09:30

Just for the record I have seen very few people in shops without masks.

Requinblanc · 22/10/2020 09:31

If that happens again, just reply ''I have asthma, so I am exempt'' and move away, don't engage.

Security staff should have helped if you felt threatened. If they don't/did not make sure you ask to see a manager and complain.

You should not have caught up with him though, that is only going to escalate things...

I must say I do get annoyed when I see idiots on the London underground with their mask around their neck or only covering their mouth but not their nose and I know I have muttered 'wear your bloody mask right' on more than one occasion.

I know your situation is different but it is also a fact that people are getting annoyed at those who don't wear masks indoors, sometimes for good reasons.

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/10/2020 09:31

@ArcheryAnnie
No it doesn’t because most disabled who are vulnerable to Covid will also be exempt from wearing a mask. There is a massive overlap of vulnerable disabled and exempt.

Dangermouseis42now · 22/10/2020 09:31

[quote scubadive]@8catsaremycoven why does asthma stop you wearing a mask. Have you been told by a medical professional that you shouldn’t wear one?

I have severe asthma and always wear one, my mum has severe asthma is 85 and wears one,

I don’t know anyone with asthma who doesn’t wear one.

Masks have been shown not to affect your oxygen intake and so I don’t understand why you say it would bring on an asthma attack.

If you have bad asthma, you are putting your health at risk going in a busy shop like Lidl without a mask.

It also sets a bad example and others think well why should I bother.
I think there are very few people with medical conditions that prevent them wearing masks.[/quote]

This

Unless a medical consultant has said or indicated you must not wear a mask, or you have LD /MH or a child with such or other extremely high mental or physical health need reason where wearing one causes risk, it's interesting what people believe makes them exempt from mask wearing

PPs saying others are 'scoffing' fail to realise that several PPs commenting are health professionals who know there is a far smaller subset of people who genuinely cannot or should not wear a disposable mask at relevant times compared to the far larger number of people claiming they are 'exempt and couldn't possibly'... A number of those claiming to be exempt will be the same people we insist wear a mask in hospital for consultations - Eyebrow raising really

We face ICUs & health services at risk of being overwhelmed, increasing infection rates, health services and social care working flat out, we are at risk, and people are finding reasons the guidance snd precautions shouldn't apply to them, instead of doing their best to limit the spread of covid19 to protect people

No one can comment on whether OP is exempt and is a risk to her to wear a mask, she has stated her reasons which is brave but having asthma isn't for the majority of people a reason they cannot wear a mask.

If her medical team have advised her not to, then due a level of general vulnerability, it would be sensible to go at limited quiet times to shops and avoid unnecessary interaction. it is important to point out that very few (approx 3.6%) of those diagnosed with asthma met shielding criteria and most shielding severe asthma patients are wearing masks when out, after shielding was put on pause 1st Aug.

Janevaljane · 22/10/2020 09:31

You have absolutely no right to say such a disablist comment. The LAW sets out exemptions. Yet you know better?!

Having asthma doesn't make you disabled.

Branleuse · 22/10/2020 09:33

Ok so on one hand the media whips everyone up into a frenzy, we are potentially about to enter a second lockdown, and yet noone supposed to have any opinion on the huge increasing amount of people swanning about mask free.
Yet we can call someone selfish, call for prosecution or expulsion for not isolating completely correctly. What if being stuck indoors in a,lockdown with abusers triggers people or worse than that.
We are all relying on people following the rules. Its not as if the rest of us like our masks or havent had to develop strategies to tolerate them despite our own abuse or disabilities.

If this gets deleted then im fucking cancelling my mumsnet premium because this is such bollocks