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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not up to children what a new baby is or isn't called?

227 replies

PiccoloPies · 21/10/2020 16:45

If you were choosing the name of your baby and your existing children hated it, would you change it?

My husband's children don't like the name we've chosen and regularly tell us such and have complained that we should choose something else.

We aren't changing it but AIBU to think most people don't put it down to a family vote when deciding names?

OP posts:
theThreeofWeevils · 22/10/2020 02:41

My dear and splendid godmother was named by her much older (young teenage) sisters. She never entirely forgave them. 'Doris' is a bit hard to get over, although looked at in the right light it is a lovely name.

BGDino · 22/10/2020 05:53

My DB is named Sam as I always referred to him as such when DM was pregnant with him - apparently I watched a lot of Fireman Sam at the time!!!

Yeahnahmum · 22/10/2020 07:34

I wouldn't have told them in the first place . They sound like their in that stage of life where they dislike all things.

Yeahnahmum · 22/10/2020 07:35

They are*

BiBabbles · 22/10/2020 08:42

My siblings' names affected me, but there was an obvious naming pattern (all the same first initial, similar style, so annoying and caused more than a few issues - big part of why two of us ended up going by entirely unrelated frequently changing nicknames with friends) and as they were far more social than me, there were times I seemed to be known more often as sister than by my own.

keeprocking · 22/10/2020 08:47

I appear chose my brother's name, it was the same as the little boy I played with!

SaskiaRembrandt · 22/10/2020 09:08

If I'd gone along with what my oldest son wanted, my youngest son would have gone through life as She-Ra.

Penners99 · 22/10/2020 09:08

Just tell them you like the name so much you are leaving everything to that child in you will.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/10/2020 09:15

I really don’t understand why people talk about names before the baby arrives.

Simply introduce the baby as x and then nobody can have an opinion.

Even if people hate the name they don’t say it once it’s actually attached to a cute little baby

1stTimeMama · 22/10/2020 09:55

We involved the children by asking for their suggestions, which we were very enthusiastic about and promptly disregarded. One option was Baby Daisy (thanks, Mario Cart). Our daughter was very upset with our choice in the end, which I think was more the disruption of a new baby. It took 10 weeks to register the baby, and she was insistent that we change her name to....Nymphadora. So, I'd involve them, and unless they come up with a genius suggestion, at least they've been included.

Grannle · 22/10/2020 10:50

@Penners99

Just tell them you like the name so much you are leaving everything to that child in you will.
?
AryaStarkWolf · 22/10/2020 10:53

I would stop talking about it, they'll get used to it pretty fast once they can properly associate with they/re brother/sister

joystir59 · 22/10/2020 10:57

We can't comment without knowing the name you've chosen

FizzyGreenWater · 22/10/2020 11:33

@joystir59

We can't comment without knowing the name you've chosen
Yup, you can. It's a flat no because this very important decision is YOURS!
Palavah · 22/10/2020 11:47

Family votes on names are for budgies, not children.

By all means listen to their input but it's your decision. They might decide to give the baby a nickname anyway.

FloraButterCookie · 22/10/2020 11:57

maybe let them pick a middle name? or put to vote (pick a terrible name to put up to vote against)

Sewrainbow · 22/10/2020 12:50

I dont like either of my brother's names, (dont like mine either tbh but like the shortened version so use that as an adult)

Wouldn't have occured to me to moan to my parents though and I was 9 years older than the youngest. It's their names I got used to them your kids will too. Also to give perspective to the kids'opinions the names I loved when younger and was going to name my own children didn't even feature on the list when the time came for me to choose baby names, can't stand them now!

ShinyGreenElephant · 22/10/2020 13:05

I discussed baby names with DD1 lots although obviously me and DH decided. DD2's suggestion is Cat, DSS wants Tyrannosaurus Rex and DSD says any name I like is weird or gross so I won't be taking their ideas into consideration, but DD1 has good taste and I wouldn't use a name she genuinely hated.

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 22/10/2020 13:22

No, I doubt most parents would seriously not use a name they like simply because another of their children didn't like it.

I'd be curious about why they have such strong negative feelings about the name. Some names have unfortunate associations for us individually or even as a whole generation. But since you've asked and received the answers that you have, no, I probably wouldn't scrap the name.

They'll get used to it. Or maybe they'll shorten the name or give the baby a nickname of their own choosing.

It is a bit odd that they both dislike the name, though, unless one's opinion has influenced the other's.

calimommy · 22/10/2020 17:38

I am expecting my 4th and ive asked the others what they think we should call the baby, but more as a funny thing for us to chat about and to get them used to a baby coming. Rapunzel is a strong contender for my eldest. The middle guy favours Pikachu. The 3yo said Poopoo. I did casually mention the name we will probably use and it was roundly turned down. That’s fine, I’m still going to use it I just won’t discuss it until baby arrives and we introduce baby as that name. They will have forgotten by then anyway. They probably already have. I do think it’s better to limit the chats about names to just you and your OH and to wait till baby has arrived to announce. Then it’s done and dusted and there aren’t any more opinions.

So to answer your original post: No it is not a democratic decision amongst the whole family.

Joodleoodle · 22/10/2020 17:50

If my older grandsons had had a say in their brother's name, he would have been named after one of the Paw patrol 🤣🤣

WooMaWang · 22/10/2020 17:55

We didn’t involve and of the DC in naming the baby. DSD repeatedly told us that she wanted to name him her mother’s favourite boys’ name (the one DH has vetoed for DSS because he hates it - and is probably referenced in a ‘I wanted to call you X but daddy wouldn’t let me’ manner at their mum’s house).

So we mostly ignored it (I went for totally non-committal - ‘hmm, that’s an interesting name’ etc). Eventually DH got annoyed about it and said we’d name the baby and tell her what he was called when he was born. You don’t always get neutral suggestions from children in blended families.

There really would have been no point in involving the DSC in the discussion. As it turns out, his middle name is (apparently) my DS2’s favourite name. I only found that out after we’d told him what the baby’s name was (after he was born). We didn’t ask him for input either.

Mumbum2011 · 22/10/2020 18:06

I would consider my dc's opinion, especially if it was a strong opinion. I wouldn't want my dc to start out a sibling relationships with associated feelings of dislike- even if it started with a name. People often get upset when others comment on the chosen name of their unborn baby. If you were that sure then perhaps you should've kept it to yourself until birth where most people, children included are less likely to comment negatively.

petelacey · 22/10/2020 18:13

You already referred to the others as 'my husbands children' which sentiment they will have picked up on. You have lost a real opportunity to unite with them. I let my eldest choose the name for our next baby. My wife and me chose a middle name so everyone had an investment. Why do you not call your husbands children as 'our other children'?

Carriecakes80 · 22/10/2020 18:33

I liked involving my kids in the choice...any names I wasn't keen on I had as middle names lol.

It made the kids feel more included at a time where kids, especially step-kids, can feel extremely left out.