MIL is annoyed that I don't let her family pick up my newborn

[Kazzx]

Just a rant :( I had a baby who's now 3 months and my MIL is annoyed that I am not allowing her sisters to pick up my baby due to covid. The same rules applied to my own family, they've not held my baby and she knows that but is still annoyed. We are in the process of rennovating our own house so we are currently living with her :@ DH agrees with me.

Unless op lives in scotland then it's not actually 'allowed' as people in different households need to socially distance.

(In Scotland under 12s don't need to)

Ah I see. Either way, it's ridiculously precious. The baby is in the very lowest risk group for Covid. And being in the house is the risky bit, even if you are concerned about catching it.

Totally agree with you OP. We have a young baby and I'm not entirely happy with people holding her.
Everyone keeps saying that babies are low risk, however, don't want to chance it with her and I don't want to risk anything being passed to me or DH. People need to take this virus a bit more seriously. Just because something is "allowed" doesn't mean it's safe or you should do it.

I am really sick of hearing about babies being passed around like dolls with no thought about their needs. There is no advantage to your baby to be handed around as a people-pleasing object. When you have a toddler interaction with more people is great for socialising, but for babies a few regular faces and routine is better for them.

Your DH agrees with you and this is his argument to have, step back and enjoy your baby.

OP is a first time mum, she is allowed to be “precious”.
Nothing is more important than a child’s health, what difference does it make if the great aunts don’t get to hold the baby?
MIL should respect their wishes.

Also, a baby might be at low risk of death from Covid but who actually wants their tiny baby catching any illnesses tbh. A high temperature can be pretty serious in a wee one and even a cold makes them absolutely miserable.

Are you being consistent with your behaviour, as that would annoy me hugely. I understand that it's your decision about who picks up your baby but I can still see why people would be upset if you weren't being consistent.

Eg your MIL lives with you and can pick your baby up, so I presume your MIL never leaves the house and therefore has no risk or catching it? If your MIL does leave the house (and mixes with others therefore) I can see why other family members would be upset because your MIL is at risk, just like they are.

Having said that, you can do what you want, but I can totally see why family
Members would be upset

even with rule of 6 if you are mixing households you should socially distance - so you are perfectly entitled to decide they cant hold your baby .

Why is she annoyed, does she not know the risks?

Just don't entertain these relatives, you don't have to.

but if you make illogical rules you can’t expect everyone to be happy with them

It’s not illogical, it’s following the government guidelines

@kittenpeak But that's not how the rules/guidelines work! We don't have to distance from people we live with (i.e. MIL in this scenario) but should be keeping 2m away from other households as I understand it?

So the OP is only following this, not being inconsistent at all!

It isn’t allowed in England in any tier. Even in tier 1 you need to social distance from everyone not in your household, even when your in a group of 6.

@Kazzx

When baby was born covid cases had reduced so I let her sister hold baby but now as they're increasing I've decided not to.

Quite right too! Everybody relaxed a bit a few weeks ago when it seemed as though the crisis was over and look what happened. You stick to your guns!

There have been a few cases of babies very sick indeed, in hospital, with Covid-19. You cannot risk her health, she is not that far off being a new born.

OP id be the same in the current climate.

Don't let her make you feel bad. You are following the government guidelines. She can still pick up the baby so I don't understand what she is making a fuss about. Anyway your baby your rules regardless of what's happening in the world.

Perhaps ask your husband to have a little word again and if you want to extend it maybe send cards to her sisters explaining they are very special to you and your little family but you will be following government guidelines and only people who live in your house hold can hold her. Nothing personal and the same goes for your family and friends too.

@Yeahnahmum

Yabu for calling your 3mo a newborn But yanbu for choosing not to let her family hold your baby no

Do you feel better now you’ve pointed that out.

Why are some people so entitled when it comes to holding babies?

Tbh I find that after a couple of minutes it’s overrated anyway!

We are not living in the same house as my Mil sisters, she wants us to go to visit the sister and let her pick baby up

I'm fairly relaxed letting a few people hold my neworn 3 month old- my mum, brother and sil, bil, dss and my closest friend have all had cuddles but that's a decision that me and dh have made. Your mil has no right to expect you to hand over your baby to anyone at any time let long during what's happening now. I also don't really see why her sisters need to see or hold the baby anyway-They aren't exactly immediate family

I have a nearly 3 month old. In hospital the midwife said you can let people hold your baby so long as: they change clothes if they have been outside like To the supermarket, wash their hands and wear a mask.

@Enough4me

I am really sick of hearing about babies being passed around like dolls with no thought about their needs. There is no advantage to your baby to be handed around as a people-pleasing object. When you have a toddler interaction with more people is great for socialising, but for babies a few regular faces and routine is better for them.

Your DH agrees with you and this is his argument to have, step back and enjoy your baby.

Completely agree.

Who are these weirdo's who think they can tell a new mother what to do with their newborn, yes newborn!.

OP, stick to your guns.

Also tell your MIL that her insisting is upsetting you and making you feel very uncomfortable.

Who the hell are these people?

Four children here and have never, ever been told by family what DH and I should be doing or allowing with OUR babies.

To ask is fine, but to be arguing the point is just beyond rud and offensive.

You MIL raised her own family she does NOT have currency in your decisions with your baby.

Fe firm on this OP or she will just become more insistent that her opinion counts.

Sounds like it will be a long month.

I agree with you. Babies are not dolls. They like to be with the ones they know best. I would feel the same. Even before covid the thought of passing a baby around like a parcel wasn't a thing we did either. Now you don't know where MILS sisters have been and their chain of contacts xx

Honestly, it doesn't matter what the guidelines are. If you and your husband don't want people outside your household to touch your baby, yet, that's your right.

MIL can think it's ridiculous, but she needs to accept your decision, stop talking about it, and just be grateful that she's able to hold the baby herself.

I don't see why anyone (beyond parents, grandparents, and siblings) would get worked up about holding a baby, anyway. It's not that big of a thrill, surely. MIL may well care more on their behalf than they do themselves.

Regardless of Covid, babies should not be passed around like dolls. Babies should be with their parents and a very few close others.

Either way, it's ridiculously precious. The baby is in the very lowest risk group for Covid. And being in the house is the risky bit, even if you are concerned about catching it.

Absolutely agree, this thread is odd.

Your MIL is being ridiculous.
Her sisters should be socially distancing from all of you; including your baby & you are completely within your right to decide who holds your baby, COVID or not!