To think teachers won't say your DC is a little shit at parents evening?!

[overcovermultitasker]

It's parents evening ( via zoom) and our class WhatsApp is blazing with how wonderful all the DCs are However the class has loads some nightmare children and is known as boisterous bxxx class. Do teachers ever say anything negative or are these parents unable to read between the lines? Many of these DCs are on the poor end of the behaviour wall chart on a daily basis from their own admissions. I don't know, I suppose teachers have to focus on each child's positives ?

I must be the only person to have not bragged. Main issues I would say are many spoilt brats, who don't follow instructions, they push, shove, uncaring. Do teachers says anything?

Only in school could independence of thought, assertiveness or leadership skills be seen as a negative. Our school system wants a set of robots.

when he/she is focused, can get so much done although this is close to the main comment my ds currently attracts - "if he didn't coast so much he could get 9s/A stars"

It is difficult. We had a lot of problems with ds1 in the later years of primary. Looking back his year 2 and year 3 teachers did try and tell us all was not quite right but because it was done with no perspective (i.e. it is really unusual that a child of his age does so and so) we totally missed the message. So, I wish they had been more direct so we could have put in support for him earlier.

@cologne4711

Only in school could independence of thought, assertiveness or leadership skills be seen as a negative. Our school system wants a set of robots.

Exactly. I hate some of the examples of euphemisms here. they are way too open to interpretation as to whether they are good or bad. I want my child to be confident, able to speak in public, good at debating, with leadership (basically lots of things that I am not) because that will help them in the long term. What I want to know is whether they carry those traits to the extent of being domineering, not letting others speaking, being rude and dismissive of other opinions. So please tell me clearly!

@cologne4711

Only in school could independence of thought, assertiveness or leadership skills be seen as a negative. Our school system wants a set of robots.

Every positive character trait can be negative and vice versa.

A person with strong leadership skills can sometimes clearly state their needs and wants in class. But this could also mean in a group, the shy person may feel less likely to come forward with their own wants and needs. People with strong leadership skills have to therefore also develop skills at being good team players and cheering on others/Identifying those who need cheering.

Independence of thought is all about balance. Teachers love independence - at the right time. At other times, they just need kids to stand in line. But this can also be true to life sometimes.

I think both can be both positive and negative - but mostly it's situational!

Also tone plays a role. You can be called independent as a pure compliment. If there was too long a pause before the teacher said the word, it could be they are searching for a delicate way to say that this trait could become a hindrance to social interaction if more positive ways of using said trait are developed.

Surely teachers just report any concerning behaviour from the parent and how they've tried to reign in on any naughtiness. That's what I got from my child's teacher.

• @Teacher reports concerning behaviour to the parents*

Parents of challenging children are called regularly throughout the term.

Came on just to say I used to use “spirited”

“He’s a very spirited child who sometimes struggles to listen to instructions and speaks over other children and even staff, meaning that learning is negatively impacted” meant he was a fucking nightmare.

My son can be an absolute pain in the arse. He will point blank refuse to do anything that he doesn't want to do, struggles to handle emotions, so can lash out or have a meltdown, but no teacher has ever said a bad word about him. In Reception, I had to hear from someone else in the school (i.e. not his teacher) that he had bitten another child, and been isolated in another room, because he just wouldn't calm down! Problem is, he is also unbelievably adorable - small for his age, huge eyes, really charming and charismatic, and so everyone seems to gloss over the other stuff. Am dreading when he outgrows the cute, and teachers actually start trying to discipline him! It's outrageously unfair though - if he were a bigger child, then he wouldn't get away with half of the stuff that he does.

I do worry about some of his behaviours though, and by not bringing them up with us, they are not getting addressed at school. Mind you, teachers can't win really, can they? We complain if they do criticise our children, and if they don't!

My son is currently being assessed for asd amongst other things, he isnt badly behaved but can be over the top and refuses to read or write. Im in daily contact

Sorry accidently pressed send

In in daily contact with his teacher and weve buily up a pretty good relationship.

At parents evening he said X is delightful and makes everyone smile apart from when doing reading when he (the teacher) wants to rip his hair out and perhaps his teeth as it would be less painful

Funnily enough we were reading my fathers school report from his grammar in the early 60s. Wow it was brutal! No nicey nicey “spirited” euphemisms there! Funnily enough he ended up a senior teacher despite his own less than glowing reports 😁

Mine said he always plays independently and isn't bothered about playing with other kids. He plays with his friends out of school but he doesn't know the school kids yet.
I was praised by people for not having to occupy him when he was younger.
Surely it's ok for an only child to be used to playing on their own?
He doesn't ignore other kids, he's just low maintenance

Okay, we've just had enthusiastic and eager to learn, paired with never shy about answering questions. My child's a know it all isn't he 🙈

So if they are a boy and have lots of energy they are little shits? How bloody sexist. I am sick of people being so down on normal little boys doing what they do. School is clearly more suited to little girls that sit still and keep quiet. No wonder the suicide rate of boys is going up. Society doesn’t accept them.

@Didyousaynutella I have a girl who can't sit down and keep quiet. She's completely alienated for it

Mumofsend I have a boy like that. The reduction of continuous provision in schools has a lot to answer for. Young Children should not be expected to sit at desks all day. Boys or girls.
I was just responding to the ops negative stereotyping post about how teachers don’t want classes full of boisterous boys. All the negative connotations on boys when it is really just normal. In a lot of countries kids would t even be in school till 7. Yet here they are being expected to sit at desks once they get past reception.
It is worse this year. My son has gone into year 2. They are all sitting at desks facing front and all the fun stuff has been take out of the curriculum so they can catch up with the important stuff. My son has been given a fidget toy.

@MsTSwift

Funnily enough we were reading my fathers school report from his grammar in the early 60s. Wow it was brutal! No nicey nicey “spirited” euphemisms there! Funnily enough he ended up a senior teacher despite his own less than glowing reports 😁

Or, in part, because of them.

When I report to a parent that perseverance is an area of concern and needs to be a development focus, it's not to tell the parent that their child gives up when anything becomes difficult and that's just who he is. It's to encourage them to address that at home as we address it in school so, hopefully, that child will change.

An honest and open dialogue would be really good for the child and the parents and, as I've said, some families do want that and welcome it. That's where it's really useful to know the family, especially if you've taught siblings. Unfortunately, some see the raising of any issue as a deliberate slight on their parenting skills. That has become more and more taboo and, as such, it's now avoided.

@Didyousaynutella

Agreed. I also don't think it's helpful that the punishment for bad behaviour is staying in at playtime to sit at desks for longer.