To think teachers won't say your DC is a little shit at parents evening?!

[overcovermultitasker]

It's parents evening ( via zoom) and our class WhatsApp is blazing with how wonderful all the DCs are However the class has loads some nightmare children and is known as boisterous bxxx class. Do teachers ever say anything negative or are these parents unable to read between the lines? Many of these DCs are on the poor end of the behaviour wall chart on a daily basis from their own admissions. I don't know, I suppose teachers have to focus on each child's positives ?

I must be the only person to have not bragged. Main issues I would say are many spoilt brats, who don't follow instructions, they push, shove, uncaring. Do teachers says anything?

Our youngest is currently being assessed for SEN, and judgemental threads like this one break my heart. I've (over)heard him being called names by staff and parents for years now. Yes, he's very annoying. And probably both ASD and ADHD.
And he thrived during lockdown. Amazing what being surrounded by supportive people can do to someone's emotional development...

I fondly recall a yr 9 parent's evening back in the relatively recent old days of actually sitting opposite real life people when I was telling a mother her son needed to address his attitude in class and his swearing and she replied "there's nothing fucking wrong with swearing at teachers" and the delightful cherubic son - who also had his feet on the table at this point - telling me to fuck myself and that he'd do what he liked in my lesson and wouldn't take his feet off my table "cos you're just a fucking woman".

Ah yes...the good old days!

No prizes for guessing from whom at home he'd picked up his delightful manners.

So yes, we do try and get over the tricky points too but whether they listen or give a shit about them is another matter entirely.

Have to say, as a primary school parent, I haven’t found parents evenings very useful, precisely because teachers won’t be direct.

I want to know what my DC are good at and not (yet) good at, both academically and behaviourally. Like a PP I don’t want to hear “lively” when they actually mean “needs to talk less” - I will hear lively as a compliment! Tell me the truth! Otherwise I can’t work on it with her.

And why will teachers never say how my child is doing relative to the average (again both work and behaviour) - are they below, above, way above, way below ... all this would be useful to know! but they are very coy about that.

I think I need to get more blunt and say please be direct as it’s helpful for me to have a clear picture warts and all. (Aka. I know they have things they need to work on and won’t complain if you tell me so!)

Agree with some other posters here.
As a parent ( with a busy professional life and having other kids), I really didn't pick up on the subtleties of what was said on parent evenings, or on the end of term reports.

If they had been more direct in pointing out that my child had social communication difficulties, rather than using terms like 'quirky', we could have saved a lot of heart break later...

I believe ‘she’s very aware of herself and her feelings’ was the phrase for my kid with as yet undiagnosed ADHD. I was very well away she’s a headstrong little fucker. I was in almost daily contact about it. Parents evening isn’t the place fit that discussion.

The parents should know about their child's less than wonderful behaviour before the parents' evening. No surprises is the rule at my school.

While I would obviously never call a child a shit, I never mince my words, either in writing or verbally, but am always very careful to keep everything behaviour-based, factual and provable.

In fairness some parents have found my straightforward style a challenge, interpreting it as rude, which it never is, but when I see and hear some of the tentative, tip-toeing round the issue, the things other staff say about the same student(s), it's not surprising.

I was telling a mother her son needed to address his attitude in class and his swearing and she replied "there's nothing fucking wrong with swearing at teachers" and the delightful cherubic son - who also had his feet on the table at this point - telling me to fuck myself and that he'd do what he liked in my lesson and wouldn't take his feet off my table "cos you're just a fucking woman"

Were they escorted from the building immediately? They would have been at my school.

I want honesty when teachers talk about my son i dont want fluffy dress up words to say something so it sounds better.

If he is annoying the teacher and distracting other kids so they can't learn tell me!

We sadly can't tell you that your child is a little shit. Right now its not even ok (at least in my school) to write anything in a report other than the skills they are developing, whether they are on target and what they need to do to meet or exceed their target.

I think its shit. Most parents get more out of a comment that their child is a delight in class who loves to ask questions or always arrives on time or is enthusiastic or too chatty or some small personal comment that shows you actually know who the fuck you are talking about rather than a list of skills with a generic 'revise more frequently at home' or focus on x skill that they are still developing. Though it certainly makes a copy/paste report much more likely (and easier).

Parents nights are the same, we are supposed to focus on skills and targets and not that little Johnny has been trying his best and really enjoys the subject (even if he struggles) or that little Dave is very intelligent but lazy as hell and does as little as he can get away with all the time and will fail at this rate..
Thankfully we can usually say a little more than in reports as its not 'checked' like reports are, but 5 minutes is remarkably short to say anything useful at all.

And no, I don't work in a grammar or anything like it, I work in a 'challenging' school in a very deprived area and those parents who are reluctant to come to parents night at the best of times are then totally put off by edu-speak about levels and skills in an ever changing exam system that they have no idea about that they often never come back after the first time.

I know this from personal experience after the parents night my ex actually turned up to. He left school at 16 with some 'O Grades' as they were then, and since then this is the 3rd iteration of qualifications here. The teachers went on about levels and core skills and while I at least could discuss it (being a teacher myself and all) he felt totally out of his depth and wouldn't come again. And I had prepped him before hand about the difference between Level 5 and National 5 and why it mattered (and it does matter despite being nominally the same level)... he still really struggled to get it. He just wanted to know our child was getting on ok and not being a pain in the ass.

The best thing a teacher can do is ask the child about how they feel they are getting on and what could be better and why. The child then will invariably be honest and tell their parents how bad or good they are in lessons. I just nod and then the discussion flows from there.

I try and say it as it is but keep in factual rather than personal. Most kids that are hard work at school are hard work at home so their parents/care givers aren’t shocked:

Maybe the parents are just lying on the WhatsApp group!!

Interesting the view of a teacher and what they are required to say (or not). Five of my family (ancestors) were headteachers and they would turn in their graves.

I've always said that if pure honesty was possible then it would benefit the parents and the child in the long run. Unfortunately, as teachers, you have to tread a very fine line and think about your phrasing, particularly at primary school, as there are parents who take anything said about their child exceptionally personally as if it is a slight on them or their parenting skills.

I knew a teacher who agreed with a parent when that parent said their own child was lazy. The parent then complained that the teacher had agreed and she was addressed by the head and forced to apologise in writing and in person.

@Wishihadanalgorithm

The best thing a teacher can do is ask the child about how they feel they are getting on and what could be better and why. The child then will invariably be honest and tell their parents how bad or good they are in lessons. I just nod and then the discussion flows from there.

I've tried that, but I must teach a load of inarticulate children, because they all said "I'm doing alright". Literally every single child, whether they are an angel at all times or the child who is in trouble every lesson. So then I had to contradict the naughty ones and be blunt about why they AREN'T doing alright. It was worse than just laying it on the line myself from the start.

It does depend on the parent though. I've had some families with whom I've got very positive relationships who have actively asked me for advice and support on things like sibling relationships, parenting techniques, behaviour management, etc.

Poor behaviour shouldn’t come as a surprise at parents evenings; if I have issues after the first few weeks, I contact parents and make them aware of it and how we are dealing with it.

However, I have encountered several (an ever increasing percentage actually) parents who seem to think their child is the class angel regardless of how direct you are with them.....

@uglyface

Haha yes I’ve met a lot of parents like that recently.

Our issues is we often have to rely on the child to translate to their parents.... so you’re saying something about disruptive behaviour... the kids is saying something and then the parents have a huge grin on their face!!!!! We try and get in translators when we really need them but that’s about 7/10 families and about 50 Different languages.

We always get "he loves to share his knowledge w others" ie he's an insufferable know it all

The parents of the chief little shit in my DCs class came out of parents night bragging that their child is "so inspired by charity, they are kind and giving," which shows that "stole the money fundraised for charity," was lost in translation.

@Incrediblytired

😂😂😂 I’m such a minority, so aware of their flaws!

Ha ha, yes me too. Although it seems to depend very much on teacher (and at secondary, subject). I've variously had ds described as a delight to have in class whereas another teacher would say he was disruptive.

My son had a difficult Y7 - no way would I have gone anywhere near a class whatsapp that year! But I still remember his Y9 parents' evening where every teacher said he was doing great. I wondered what they had done with my child :)

There's a french film on netflix at the moment called La Vie Scolaire/School Life where the boy is translating negative things into positive things about himself at parents' evening and it turns out the teacher does speak Arabic after all!

The teachers don't need to tell us, we can tell because our children don't get invited anywhere, get asked to leave clubs if they try to join, other parents stop us in the street to complain about behaviour & the teacher wants to chat with us daily about some or another issue.

tbh, it was nice & novel at parent's evening to talk about academics rather than behaviour.

[quote overcovermultitasker]@GlummyMcGlummerson surely a sun is better than a rainbow (which is some rain and sun ) or maybe it's sunshine after the rain, but anyway kids love rainbows and a bit of public shaming is motivating apparently XR🌈

@Clareflairmare I'd never
use the term little shits verbally and I do agree with you in part. BUT I think in the 'you don't know what's going on in my life, so I can act however I want' is where society is going wrong 'these days.' Many of us go through horrible things, stiff upper lip. I know we are meant to talk about stuff more and I agree that things shouldn't be bottled up. [/quote]
There has been a lot of research to say the public shaming boards are completely detrimental. I think every school in my local authority has removed them. Certainly, I can still effectively manage behaviour in my class without drawing the attention of the entire class.

We also have a ‘no surprises’ rule at Parent’s Evening. If little Johnny can’t behave or is struggling academically, you and I will already have been on first name terms for some time. I make a point of catching parents (phoning/emailing now in Covid times) as often as possible, even if it’s just to say something positive - it’s good to keep the communication lines open.

my ds2 has been a "little shit" this term and Ive had to have phone calls and a meeting with both head of behaviour and SENCO.
Im not sure what you think. That if somehow parents know then it stops happening?
Usually its a process to get certain children to be able to settle and engage and its not actually as simple as parents told so its sorted. Those children are their own people, and youre not allowed to beat them into submission these days

I've variously had ds described as a delight to have in class whereas another teacher would say he was disruptive.

I think this can vary due to how the teacher manages the class. Some children can behave very differently depending on the adult in the room.