To think teachers won't say your DC is a little shit at parents evening?!

[overcovermultitasker]

It's parents evening ( via zoom) and our class WhatsApp is blazing with how wonderful all the DCs are However the class has loads some nightmare children and is known as boisterous bxxx class. Do teachers ever say anything negative or are these parents unable to read between the lines? Many of these DCs are on the poor end of the behaviour wall chart on a daily basis from their own admissions. I don't know, I suppose teachers have to focus on each child's positives ?

I must be the only person to have not bragged. Main issues I would say are many spoilt brats, who don't follow instructions, they push, shove, uncaring. Do teachers says anything?

Why should parents have to pick up on silly hints and read between the lines? That Would really piss me off. If there is a problem with the child's behaviour then you need to tell them, not tell them that their child is "spirited" and expect them to guess. If you're a teacher and you aren't confident enough to tell a parent that their child is behaving badly then that's your fault, not the parent's fault for not guessing.

Mind you, I'm assuming that these kinds of conversations would go on in person at a parent teacher meeting, rather than on a group chat with other parents.

@MsAwesomeDragon

I'm known for being blunt at parents evening but even I would draw the line at calling any child a little shit 🤣

I tend to start with a positive, then factually describe the behaviour I see in every lesson, then end with something positive if I can think of another one. Unfortunately, it's well known that a lot of people remember the beginning and end of the conversation, so they don't remember the bulk of the meeting where I'm talking about bad behaviour. They leave glowing about the minor positive I said last (eg. He does turn up to detentions when I give them to him)

Exactly what I do! However anytime I’ve tried to phone home about horrendous behaviour including physical threats I usually get a load of abuse from the parents too. Thankfully I’m in a great school now but at times it’s easy to see that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Some parents just see their kids as little angels that can do no wrong. Anytime I personally go into my own kids P/T meetings I always emphasize to their teachers that I want to know about any misbehavior and that the6 have my support. Unfortunately now some parents are determined to be their kids friends and not parent them at all!

Surely if the children are that bad, the teachers would have been talking to parents already over a period of time. DS was in a class like you describe - lots of boisterous boys, quite a few SEN (he was one) a few really unpleasant brats - the lot! It was 'that' class all the way through from reception.

We used to wait for them to come out of school and over the seven years, I frequently saw the parents of all the challenging kids (and of the better behaved ones, sometimes) called over for a word with the teacher. We parents did chat, and those of us with 'naughty' children were all well aware that the other parents were being spoken to and involved in strategies to put things right. I'm quite sure that - whether at parents evenings or other times - disruptive behaviour is not ignored!

That said - my DD has always struggled with literacy and I think she may have some dyslexia issues. I had one year where the teacher praised her to the skies and never even mentioned her complete inability to read or her appalling spelling! I'm all for positivity, but I shouldn't have to ask about how the school was supporting her in her weaker areas! (Which of course I did....)

So it's probably a bit of a mix, and some teachers are better than others. Plus as PPs have said - maybe parents lie on the whatsapp exchange.......?

Yes we were often told the non swearing equivalent about Ds, one teacher stopped after the world little and didn’t finish the sentence.

He was diagnosed as autistic in year 8.

@Prettybluepigeons

How do you have any idea where children are on the classroom wall chart?

Lots goes on in a classroom, both good and bad, that parents have no idea about.

Well my kid tells me

No I don't think teachers will be as forthright as frankly calling them little shits!

They will tell you the truth if you show some insight and actually ask them. Try 'is he still much harder to manage than the others?' 'So I see he's doing really well academically but I'm hearing that his behaviour is still not good ' etc. Ds was always a proper shit and teachers never really bothered to try and hide It!

This is one of my pet hates about teaching. I tell it like it is at parents evening (but of course I always tell the parents about what their children are good at and their best traits too - I am truthful but not tactless) and the same in school reports. But most primary school teachers seem to use a sort of code instead. They don’t say outright when a child is misbehaving or when a child is falling behind and not reaching targets for the year group. You then get very shocked parents when their child (who they have assumed is bright and well behaved because they don’t know what the ‘code’ means) goes off to high school and gets detentions in the first week/flagged up as not achieving. More honesty is needed in primary school rather than pussy footing about with phrases like“working towards” and “spirited”, “sometimes needs encouragement to settle down” etc.

Of course the parents are told maybe the children are little shits but still get on with the work or are doing alot better than previously. parents are forgetting the negatives an thinking about the positives.

Even the most disruptive kids can make teachers want to strangle and hug them at the same time. I think you would be in the wrong profession if you couldn't see the positives in the children you teach

Teachers are understandably nervous about telling children how badly their children behave, or how disruptive they are, due to the parents' reaction. However, teachers, if they were more valued and if they are good at what they do, should be able to voice their concerns freely, as long as they are fair and accurate.

Don't mind the WhatsApp. I'm sure some of the parents of the horrors I taught went off and bragged about all the wonderful things I said too...people lie. I wouldn't give it much thought.

Having said that, the parent of a little terror should know that they're a little terror before the meeting. I try not to bring up anything new in a PTM. I don't lie - if your child is badly behaved you'll know - but focusing on their positives is important too.

At my DC's school they make parents aware of any behaviour issues or disturbances etc as and when they happen

Yes & I assumed that was standard. If a child was repeatedly disruptive, rude etc why would the school not do anything about it until parents evening 6 wks in.

@GlummyMcGlummerson surely a sun is better than a rainbow (which is some rain and sun ) or maybe it's sunshine after the rain, but anyway kids love rainbows and a bit of public shaming is motivating apparently XR🌈

@Clareflairmare I'd never
use the term little shits verbally and I do agree with you in part. BUT I think in the 'you don't know what's going on in my life, so I can act however I want' is where society is going wrong 'these days.' Many of us go through horrible things, stiff upper lip. I know we are meant to talk about stuff more and I agree that things shouldn't be bottled up.

@LaurieFairyCake

Spirited, assertive, opinionated, direct

There's a long list of euphemisms for annoying little fuck badger

As a teacher this made me chuckle

Totally agree

Sometimes the kid is an identikit copy of one parent even to same mannerisms. Sometimes they bear no resemblance at all to each other
I know you were talking about personality, but from a physical point of view i have wondered what teachers at parents' evening make of the fact that teenage dd is quite skinny whereas I'm obese! They probably think i ate all the pies or have a lock on the fridge. (I don't, she's just never been interested in eating for the sake of it like i do)

My dds school tells them they’re a little shit. I’ve sat at parents’ evening and heard the teachers from where I’m sat. They spend ages with the parents trying to come up with a solution. I’d be embarrassed if it was my kid. I’d liked to have known before the parents’ evening tbh.

@Bagadverts nah he ain't listening, I just let im watch his iPad whilst I were on zoom in the other room

You have to do and say what might be useful and improve things; telling a parent their child is a shit will not help anything. So you do focus on what’s good in terms of behaviours and potential in the hope you will get more of that. And you gently point out the weaknesses so you don’t drag the whole child into the behaviours.

Very, very rarely met a child I couldn’t like on some level in 25 years in the classroom.

There are ways of delivering a direct bollocking to a child on parents’ evening. And telling it like it is.

Easier if the child is there, easier if you, the teacher, is at least the age of the parents. Easier for secondary age children.

It can be done without antagonising the parents too.

But as for doing it on zoom - that may be a little more difficult.

I always tried to be honest not over gushing, not over mean. I always saw the evenings as a tool to teach more effectively and get everyone pulling in the same direction.

It has to be said that there was quite a high correlation between children who caused you extra work/stress and the nature of their parents.

At a parents' evening? No, I imagine they'll try to remain positive and at most gently mention something that could use improvement or a bit of extra attention. If there are serious problems, they'll be handling those at a different time. Privately.

Did generally had v good reports until one year when he he seemed to stop concentrating (was mucking about!). Every single teacher we saw at parents evening told the same story very firmly. Thank god they did as it gave him the kick up the arse he needed to sort himself out. I often think how hard it must have been for them to deliver bad news, and how much easier it would have been to mince their words. Am very grateful to them .. it made a real difference.

We had parents evening this week and I felt so sorry for my DS teacher. He does have issues which I have been asking for years if he requires further assessment and support and have been told by previous teachers that he doesn't. She finally told me she believed he did need further help and was going to refer him. She looked so relieved when I thanked her for raising it. It made me think how difficult it must be to tell people things they don't want to hear about their children, especially over Ms teams.

I'm on a WhatsApp group for the class, one for the year, several for local parents. Not once has anyone posted about what their kid had in their school report or any parents' evening comments! I find it a bit weird that they would unless you're all good friends?! Ours are all 'argh when is Inset day again?' and 'has anyone found our lost book bag?'

In my opinion if a child is misbehaving, parents should be told as soon as possible. They shouldn't be hit with it at parents evening. Parents evening should be about academic progress primarily and if behaviour is a concern, it shouldn't be the first the parent has heard of it.