To think teachers won't say your DC is a little shit at parents evening?!

[overcovermultitasker]

It's parents evening ( via zoom) and our class WhatsApp is blazing with how wonderful all the DCs are However the class has loads some nightmare children and is known as boisterous bxxx class. Do teachers ever say anything negative or are these parents unable to read between the lines? Many of these DCs are on the poor end of the behaviour wall chart on a daily basis from their own admissions. I don't know, I suppose teachers have to focus on each child's positives ?

I must be the only person to have not bragged. Main issues I would say are many spoilt brats, who don't follow instructions, they push, shove, uncaring. Do teachers says anything?

So if your child is really bad, do the teachers just offer one positive and then that's the end of the meeting?

Yep, so when you hear "good evening MrsFirecracker. Young Firecracker was in school today. Goodbye" it's a pretty good indication you have the school gobshite as a child

@Feellikefrighteningyeah

A classroom wall chart. Brilliant to shame children 😡

My experience is the wall chart is for the ones who can be motivated through bribery and to try and improve crap behaviour.

So the better behaved ones sit mid table and aren't necessarily rewarded for being good.

Both my kids talk far faaaaaaar too much in class. I was told ‘nicely’ at their parents evening (by phone call)

To be fair, their behaviour at school sounded like night and day compared to their behaviour at home. And I’m strict!

I tell parents the truth but I obviously can’t say their child is a little shit no matter how much I want to so I spin it in a more positive way.

“I love your child’s enthusiasm but we need to work on not calling out.”

“It’s great that your child is so loyal towards their friends but it’s important that that loyalty doesn’t lead them to fighting with other children. They need to make sure they speak to an adult on the playground if there is an issue.”

I always say something positive about every child because every child deserves something good said about them. The parent usually knows that their child can have behaviour issues so they don’t need reminding all the time. Specific incidents are shared on the day.

Some parents wouldn’t care less if you did say their child was a little shit. I’m constantly amazed at how many parents think it’s highly amusing or cool when I tell them how badly behaved their child has been that day. Don’t know why I bother really, they clearly don’t give a flying fuck.

You do meet parents and have an inner 'that explains that' moment. It's absolutely fascinating. Sometimes the kid is an identikit copy of one parent even to same mannerisms. Sometimes they bear no resemblance at all to each other. Sometimes absolutely lovely students have the rudest, pushiest parents and you just wonder how their children are just so lovely. Conversely you can have lovely parents with really tricky offspring. Some parents are super anxious so you need to manage that. Others are completely oblivious to anything you say and will just hear what they want no matter how blunt you are. Sometimes you have to be aware that what you say can have repercussions for the student when back at home. I had one lot of parents once who just wouldn't speak at all. Their daughter was lovely so I gave up on them and just talked to her. Every child will have something positive that you can talk about.

Re wall charts - my DC's primary has a rainbow chart from year R-year 2. So everyone starts the day on the rainbow and then any bad behaviour means they go "down" to the sun, then a could, then if they end up on the rain cloud the teacher has a wee chat and maybe tells mum or dad at pick up.

My DD was never off the rainbow throughout infants. I strongly suspect she was just good at being a sneaky little fecker staying under the radar

If a child disrupts the learning of the class, or is rude or unpleasant, of course I tell their parents.

That. Also, nothing negative should be a surprise by parents' evening - I'll have called them in advance. I always do the appointment as 'I'm going to talk about academics, behaviour for learning, social stuff, in that order - jump in at any point, but we only have 10 minutes'. I havent got time in those 10 minutes to discuss issues that are ongoing or affecting other children.

My child's teacher started to ask about whether she hides under the table at home ever, we said 'Is she weird?', to which the teacher said 'no... erm, no... well, yes?'. Again, we already knew that she has found this term tricky, so.. ah well, me and my weird child.

You do meet parents and have an inner 'that explains that' moment. It's absolutely fascinating.

Oh my god yes, I love that bit. Especially autism - undiagnosed spectrum stuff. You meet dad (usually it's dad), and go 'ah yeah... '

One of my kids is a genuine angel at school, the other one is... difficult! (He has ASD). We as parents absolutely know this and have worked with the school.for many years, but previous teachers have always managed to find something nice to say (like a pp said, it's the sandwich effect, although his filling is rather bigger than most!).

But he had a new teacher last year and omg, she had literally nothing nice to say about him all year, just a very long list of his personality faults, academically how behind he is (couldn't even tell us what his strengths were, just decided that if he wasn't as good as the rest of the class, there were no strengths). It was absolutely horrible. We have never given the teacher or school the impression that we're delusional about his behaviour, but we know there are positives, he has a lot of good points too.

Luckily, most teachers aren't like this though and can manage to see at least a few positives.

But yes to whoever said about the gloaty parents - the end of year reports on Facebook are really cringey, especially when you know the child in question isn't actually a genius, despite how the parents seemed to have interpreted the teacher's comments.

At our school we are not allowed to be negative. You can infer but many parents take it at face value and treat little Johnnie to a McD’s for a fab parent’s evening.

I'm a primary teacher. Some of you are speaking about children in really awful ways. I honestly don't feel like that about my school kids. They all have their own challenges. I will also know many of the reasons behind their behaviour - perhaps they just lost their nan to covid, or they have a special need you wouldn't be aware of. I will still be proud of them if they are trying and progressing - as should their parents! Even the most badly behaved child is still a child. It's my job to help them learn and grow, that includes in listening. I'm a big believer that if you see the best in children they shine.

My mum was a teacher and said she regularly had to report to parents that their kids weren’t keeping up with the work, or weren’t behaving as well as they should be, but most parents heard what they wanted to hear and would leave the meeting going ‘aww, I’m glad he’s doing so well. Bye!’ Leaving my mum confused as she’d pretty much explicitly told them the facts!

My nephew was quite naughty when he was little. Quite a few times his mum showed me his school report while saying ‘he’s doing so well!’ And then I would read a report full of comments such as ‘if he could learn to take turns this might help with friendship issues’ and ‘if he can learn to listen to the teacher this will help his progress’ and I would think, yep, they’re basically saying he’s a little shit!

I really wish people wouldn't refer to children as 'little shits'. You have no idea what is going on in their wee lives to make them behave the way they do.

If you get told they are a delight, they are. If there’s a lack of that then read into it. It’s so frustrating, I think parents would rather know, I would.

Let me assure you, teachers absolutely railroad you on parents evening.

In fact, some take great twisted pleasure in going to town and describing in great detail to your increasingly furious Dad about how you were caught that very day trying to climb the drain pipe because the boys' football got kicked onto the roof.

Or at least they did in the 90's may or may not be from my own personal trauma of primary school parents' evenings

I haven’t rtft, but it has been so lovely to read the feedback from teachers. I have always been of the mindset that parents evening is a waste of time because the feedback is always so positive. I wanted to hear the ‘truth’ (my dd is lovely and sensitive, but of course I know what a little so-and-so she can be).
It makes sense (now that I read it here) that if there were any problems or issues with my child, the teacher and school would have made me aware.
I feel better knowing that it wasn’t just focus on the positive and ignore any negatives rhetoric

As an NQT many years ago I once told the parents the truth, warts and all, about how their daughter behaved.
Totally backfired on me, all the parents ended up complaining, I had endless observations with SLT, accused of bullying, etc.
Never again will I be so blunt!
Now as a teacher I feel parents evenings are a waste of time as I don’t like to tell the truth in all it’s glory as I’ve learnt the hard way the consequences. So yes, it’s a very positive version of the truth.

Teachers do usually speak privately to parents if their child is problematic. They would hardly do it on a whats app.

@TriTriTriAgain

What’s a classroom wall chart for behaviour? Am I missing something...haven’t heard of this before. Is this actual putting children’s names in a red zone for “ bad” behaviour??

Yes, it's pretty normal and also a total mess. Sadly schools haven't ever had a psychologist tell them what research says about this. Shame is unhelpful at best and totally counter productive.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Re wall charts - my DC's primary has a rainbow chart from year R-year 2. So everyone starts the day on the rainbow and then any bad behaviour means they go "down" to the sun, then a could, then if they end up on the rain cloud the teacher has a wee chat and maybe tells mum or dad at pick up.

My DD was never off the rainbow throughout infants. I strongly suspect she was just good at being a sneaky little fecker staying under the radar

Oh, I remember when my son was yr 1, my mother was collecting him from school for me and the other children would tell her how he was on the black cloud all day, day after day. I don't think he actually could work out what to do to get off it. Yr 3 and 4 he never really seemed to "get" merit points either (they were awarded but he didn't find them motivating).

We had several meetings with the head over the years. I think it was the end of yr 7 (prep) when we went into a meeting and I said, how lovely it was to finally be in here for something completely positive ... (that was the which-scholarships-should-he-try-for discussion. he was awarded more than one ...)

I hate how people post about how amazing their child is. EVERYONE gets told that. Yawn!

As someone up thread rightly said, parents evenings is focusing on the positives.

Do children attend parents evenings now? We couldn’t when I was at school at primary, but did later. if they are on zoom or phone this year teachers wouldn’t necessarily know whether pupils are listening or not so maybe leaving it really bland. They can always arrange something formal to discuss bad behaviour.

My DS is a shit and teachers have told me so. I have tried hard to work on punishing/rewarding him at home for poor behaviour at school. He has never really improved massively. He is extremely bright but just refuses to engage and enjoys being silly.

@LaurieFairyCake

Spirited, assertive, opinionated, direct

There's a long list of euphemisms for annoying little fuck badger

This, with big fucking noisy bells on.

JINGLE JINGLE MOTHER FUCKERS.