To think teachers won't say your DC is a little shit at parents evening?!

[overcovermultitasker]

It's parents evening ( via zoom) and our class WhatsApp is blazing with how wonderful all the DCs are However the class has loads some nightmare children and is known as boisterous bxxx class. Do teachers ever say anything negative or are these parents unable to read between the lines? Many of these DCs are on the poor end of the behaviour wall chart on a daily basis from their own admissions. I don't know, I suppose teachers have to focus on each child's positives ?

I must be the only person to have not bragged. Main issues I would say are many spoilt brats, who don't follow instructions, they push, shove, uncaring. Do teachers says anything?

My cousins a teacher, she said she does parents evening as a shit sandwich. Something nice at start, the truth in the middle, and something nice at the end.

Parents evening isn't the place for major issues to be brought up. This should be done when they occur. But yes parents should be told about what their child is doing at school.

Primary sugar coat the shit so no they dont tell.the truth
This does remind me of the time last year when this mum in dds class gushed on Facebook about how her child had a fantastic parents evening and how kind and caring she was and how she was friends with everything and everyone. The rest of were like wtf as the kid was one of the biggest bullies in the school!

But her parents are in denial so I do wonder how much was made up. Also the parents are on the board of governors so I do wonder!

I once had a school report about me that said I often asked stupid questions that cause the class to laugh at me. You can imagine how much I loved school, I think teachers nowadays try to focus on the positives to help motivate and give confidence. Poor behaviour is dealt with at the time as and when needed.

1/ Not those words but they should in a decent school, and it shouldn’t wait until parents’ evening. Teacher will catch me at pick up or phone me if mine has pushed it (and has done).

2/ I thought those behaviour charts had been established as poor practice a good few years ago. Maybe the school is generally not that hot on how it handles behaviour.

3/ Most people only crow about the good stuff and hide the less glowing feedback, if they heard it to begin with. Married to a teacher and parents’ evening is often like talking to a brick wall. He has also been threatened by parents...

When did it become the thing that no teacher is allowed to write the truth on a report? When I was at school our reports told it like it was - inattentive, talks too much, must try harder. Your parents then made sure you knew that they knew what was going on. By the time my kids came along (20 years or so later) nothing bad was ever mentioned. And my youngest (ADHD) was, at times, a challenge. When did this suddenly change?

I think most parents have a pretty good idea about what their child is like. It is quite easy to have an honest discussion with parents so long as they know you are rooting for their child.

One of my two is 'difficult' (autistic). We have had many phone calls and emails this year making and changing plans to help him with his school issues. I don't really expect to talk about behaviour at all at parents' evening because it would take too long, and because those issues are dealt with at different times. I expect to hear about how he's doing academically, and to hear about his strengths. I imagine it's the same for most 'difficult' children.

My ds is probably what you describe as a 'little shit'. I can assure you that I have had numerous conversations with the school and am more than aware of his behaviour. I certainly don't turn a blind eye to it. Parents evening tends to focus on academic progress and so can be more positive. And yes sometimes the teacher says something nice about him as well. That's because as well as being a 'little shit' he is a child who, like all children, has good things about him as well as the bad.

I'm intrigued by what my DDs next parent evening will consist of. Her teacher said it would be good to talk about the academics. Dd is in school 2 hours a day and in the classroom with her teacher for 10 minutes. DD doesn't actually know who her teacher is!

First parents evening tonight so I'll let you know.

What age are they? My mum worked in a school for 20 years and once told me that younger children never had negative points mentioned during their parents’ evening.

It sounds like you might be taking the behaviour system a bit seriously. I'm not a teacher but work in an area where we do outreach in schools sometimes. The teacher always lets me know the profile of the group I'm working with and actually the more boisterous kids, while hard to deal with can be absolutely great. Some of them just aren't suited to sitting still for long periods of time and probably do end up on the 'red zone' or whatever fairly often but if I had to give their parents feedback I'd have loads of positive things to say and I'd actually mean it. I think it would be different if the children actually displayed worrying behaviour where they were deliberately mean to other children. That would be serious enough though to warrant a meeting before parents evening though.

I find when dealing with children it is important to see their positive sides especially when they're being challenging. If you start thinking of some children as annoying little shits it gets harder to empathise with them and then you can't teach properly.

If this is a primary school then being on the red zone is often enough just a case of immaturity. Lots of the initially naughty kids in DS1's class (he's now 9) have turned out to be the loveliest kids in the class. A few (not all) of the 'star of the week' regulars I'd describe as more unpleasant (deliberately trying to get other kids in trouble, showing off at the expense of other kids etc).

I used to teach primary (so I know the phrases and euphemisms used to avoid delivering too blunt news well - and it should be raised LONG before a parents evening) - I also know the teachers who just want to get the parents away with a "oh they're lovely" totally un-specific bit of waffle very well as well... and we have one of those this year (unfortunately taught the other child last year who is a very different kettle of fish and said EXACTLY the same about her so I spotted it straight away). DD2 is a goody two shoes type at school, desperate to follow the rules (and a bit of a busy body to make sure she's organised everyone else) whereas DD1 is just... well you go home feeling like you've been beaten around the head repeatedly by the English language (which her teachers agree with my description on).

Was bloody amazed by DD1's parents evening though - I know the teacher well - he ran the bubble during lockdown that she was in - so we've had a fair few unguarded chats over the months and he's fully aware that DD1 can be a gobby pain in the arse as she was so during the bubble period of lockdown. Apparently she's completely turned it around this year - doesn't shout out in class anymore (she can be a pain in the arse but it's well-intentioned enthusiasm) and just gets on with it. I did check several times that he had the right child - but he seemed genuinely amazed in the change in her as well - so I'm believing that one! They've really swapped the classes around though which I think has calmed several personalities in the year group down.

Basically I know when I'm being bullshitted - I know when the teacher genuinely knows my child or when they've shoved the kids with SN at the back of the class and are doing as little as possible to support them. I've worked with teachers who do the bullshit smiley parent routine.

@Kaiserin

Our youngest is currently being assessed for SEN, and judgemental threads like this one break my heart. I've (over)heard him being called names by staff and parents for years now. Yes, he's very annoying. And probably both ASD and ADHD. And he thrived during lockdown. Amazing what being surrounded by supportive people can do to someone's emotional development...

I also got a nasty feeling from this thread (not all the comments). We're talking about little kids here. Those public behaviour charts have been shown tim and time again to be negative and this just illustrates why. Some parents use it as an excuse to be judgemental and seem to resent those kids getting any positive comments at parents evening.

My kids so far have settled fairly well into the behaviour expected at school (more through luck really - it helps that neither of them are particular active and find academics easy so happy to sit still and colour or read). However DS's best friend is one of the kids who was known to always be on the 'rain cloud' by the end of the day. He's a very active boy and finds it hard to concentrate, he's also fairly impulsive and seems to crave attention and has got into the habbit of seeking negative attention. He's also a very sweet and sensitive little boy who wants to be kind and do well. When he comes round to play you do need to supervise him a bit more than some of the others but actually he's incredibly sweet and helpful and I'm always happy to have him. When his mum collects him I tell her he's made me smile all day and he's a joy to have around and I genuinely mean it. I'm sure if she posted that on facebook (which she obviously wouldn't) other mums from our class would roll their eyes because they've heard tales that he's naughty and disruptive at school.

I have a child with odd. Yes teachers in primary often told me how it is, but I was on constant contact with the teacher. Also they were well aware that I was dealing with worse at home from him, so tried to give me as much positivity as possible.
My middle child is the complete opposite and genuinely gets on well with everyone and teachers always praise him, I enjoy his parents evening.

Teacher uses words like challenging, resistance, extra encouragement needed for DS.
She does pop in positives too she is lovely she is doing a great job with him and understands my embarrassment.
Plus she knows DD as a previous student and she was an angel.
It makes me feel less guilt as a parent.

Honestly I suspect the type of parent who would boast about their child’s parents evening all over a class fb or whatsapp, is also the type who will only ever hear (or want to hear) positives.

I have a question for teachers: DS is consistently well behaved at school, never had any issues, middle of the road academically but never heard anything negative from the school (he's 8) but last years report mentioned his 'sense of humour' 3 times! It was in a positive way "I love x's sense of humour' 'x always has a good sense of humour' but still, 3 times! Was the teacher trying to say they he is a wise-ass and needs to shut up??

There is one woman (who I actually know from school myself) who always writes a lengthy post about each of her children's parents evening, singing their praises 'quoting' the teacher's words on Facebook.
It's always made me yawn and roll my eyes, but this year was amusing because my niece has just started reception with her youngest and they've had their first zoom 'parents evening'.

Well the usual long post appeared about how amazing, advanced and kind her child is, etc 'such a proud and lucky mummy' blah blah. My sister must've seen it too, because she messaged me saying 'funny that, I happen to know X's mum has been called into school several times over the last few weeks because her child has been picking on two other girls, hitting and shoving people and generally being really disruptive!'

People bend and stretch the truth and also outright lie.

I personally would much rather teachers are frank with me even if it's not easy to hear. How can I help sort a problem and support the school with consistency at home if I'm not aware of it or it's glossed over?

@Plummeting

I have a question for teachers: DS is consistently well behaved at school, never had any issues, middle of the road academically but never heard anything negative from the school (he's 8) but last years report mentioned his 'sense of humour' 3 times! It was in a positive way "I love x's sense of humour' 'x always has a good sense of humour' but still, 3 times! Was the teacher trying to say they he is a wise-ass and needs to shut up??

Not necesarily.

My dh has a wicked sense of humour and loves it when he gets a pupil with the same.

I'm not sure but my sons primary school never held back in telling me his downfalls

Almost every parents evening it would be how he's meeting his targets, capable, a lovely boy (always felt they were just being nice ), a good friend, but he's easily distracted, talks in class at times, low level silly behaviour, could concentrate better in some areas and he'd do even better.

He was certainly by no means the worst child in that class.

I always felt awful and couldn't understand why absolutely everyone else I knew seemed to have absolutely glowing feedback and children who were excelling in every area, star of the class, wonderful behaviour.

They should do. Then we wouldn’t have so many growing up to be little shits.

It is cringeworthy posting every detail on FB.

Imagine it's like property or dating sites. The teachers use codewords.

"your little one is soooooo energetic"
"wow, look at those leadership skills"
"when he/she is focused, can get so much done"
"very independent"