To want my husband at our baby scan?!!

[MrsBonnie]

I have our first scan on Monday and have to go it alone... I'm so worked up worrying about getting bad news and having to hear it on my own.

You can do SO many things with other people, yet I can't go into a baby scan, both wearing masks, with my husband?!!

Am I being unreasonable to whinge about this?

It's unfortunate, but the way it is atm, and the same for everyone.
My dil nearly gave birth on her own as ds1 was in the car park until the final minutes.
You just have to get on with it, but I do sympathise.

I'd really really like to think respect and empathy for mental health conditions was a given too. But I know from sad experience that it is not.

[quote VeniceQueen2004]@VinylDetective

if the staff in a maternity unit catch it, they can’t provide maternity care. They are already understaffed due to staff having symptoms, testing positive, self isolating, too vulnerable to work etc. Some services are on a knife edge already.

Surely that quote supports the opposite position - that it is an unacceptable risk?[/quote]
Yes. That’s what I said. Ffs.

The receptionist at the antenatal clinic was wearing her mask on her chin. 🤷🏻‍♀️ She must have been really concerned!

@VeniceQueen2004

I'd really really like to think respect and empathy for mental health conditions was a given too. But I know from sad experience that it is not.

And as evidenced very clearly by a certain PP here!

@VinylDetective

But you were asking if anyone on here thought it was an acceptable outcome. Nobody does.

YANBU to want him there, but YABU to expect it given the current situation.

There was no intent to mock. I do feel like anxiety is often used as a way of bullying others into giving into what they want. ‘I have to have this because I have anxiety and if I don’t get it I will ...’

And that probably isn’t fair. So I will apologise for that. I wasn’t mocking though.

@VeniceQueen2004

To OP - it does suck and I'm sorry. But tbh there's not much to be done, I do think hospitals are entitled to make this kind of risk assessment and decision.

I think people telling you to get a private scan are being elitist - not everyone can afford to go private for anything, least of all something 'non-essential' like an extra scan. 'Only' £50 could be their childrens' winter coats.

I think a bigger issue is tightening restrictions on birth partners when in labour. Women NEED support in labour, not least because maternity services (even midwives) tend towards the authoritarian and a woman in labour is particularly vulnerable to having her rights abrogated and her wishes overridden. She needs someone with her to support her to make her wishes known and to help her resist pressure to undergo unjustified interventions.

I mean even the supposed 'rule' that a woman has to be 4cm dilated before her birth partner(s) can join her makes an intervention that some women might not want (a vaginal examination) COMPULSORY if you want to be supported in labour.

I predict either a big rise in home births and freebirths, with potentially an attendant rise in high-risk births at home and possible negative outcomes, or else an increase in high intervention hospital births, trauma and PND.

Absolutely agree with you about births. I believe the figures are already showing an increase in home births and wouldn't be surprised if there was an increase in interventions and negative outcomes for hospital births where women have not been allowed a birth partner.

I wasn’t mocking though

Well maybe think about the way the grammar you use can impact what your words actually say next time.

[quote VeniceQueen2004]@VinylDetective

But you were asking if anyone on here thought it was an acceptable outcome. Nobody does.[/quote]
I know. Never heard of rhetorical questions? Jesus wept.

Noone on the thread has said they think ‘closing down an entire maternity service’ would be an acceptable price to pay for fathers attending scans. They have questioned whether another person from the same household attending a scan while wearing a mask and distancing appropriately increases that risk.

So what was the intent of the inverted commas if not to imply scepticism/mockery? I appreciate the apology but I'm not clear what it's for if you maintain you weren't belittling her anxiety...

@VinylDetective

You asked the question, I answered it for you. No need for poor old JC to get the hankies out.

[quote VeniceQueen2004]@VinylDetective

You asked the question, I answered it for you. No need for poor old JC to get the hankies out.[/quote]
It was rhetorical, ergo didn’t need an answer.

And I don't think the intent was to bully anyone into accepting anything. The poster didn't even mention it at first. I saw it as a defense against posters making out it's like asking for a colouring book... I think that was you too wasn't it? You sound very understanding indeed.

Not mocking my arse.

@VinylDetective

This was not apparent. Do try harder.

I think I’ve said so already. People complain only Covid deaths are important. I feel it’s the other way. Only mental health is important. Demand anything because mental health. Place others at risk because mental health. I want this and I need it because otherwise my mental health will suffer.

I’m sorry if posters have anxiety. But their ‘anxiety’ doesn’t trump my ‘anxiety’ (I did that deliberately to show you the context.) Pardon me for not wanting to get seriously ill and pass that onto my unborn baby.

@picklecustard

Also important to consider how much an extra person from the same household increases the risk of corona spreading with social distancing and PPE.

Also interestingly a friend paid for a private scan so her husband could attend. The sonographer was actually an NHS sonographer who picked up extra work at a private clinic for more money. Apparently this isn’t uncommon. So the sonographer doing your NHS scan may also be going off to a private clinic in the evening and doing scans with partners allowed in.

Yes but private companies can make their own rules. While working for the NHS a sonographer has to follow the rules imposed on them by their trust.

Yeah with every post I'm buying that you aren't mocking MH disorders less and less.

You clearly don't think they are a serious issue. Which is sad in this day and age.

When posters who I presume are adult women are saying they ‘can’t’ go into a scan alone yes I do roll my eyes a bit. I could manage a hospital appointment alone at 14 so I’m pretty sure they can manage it as adults. It’s no wonder we get patronised and talked down to so much as pregnant women if these attitudes are widely accepted.

@Airyfairymarybeary unfortunately some of us aren't in a position to wait until all this blows overs. My DP and I most certainly aren't due to our ages. I had a MMC last year. He couldn't attend the scan due to being on the road hundreds of miles a way but I had a Friend with me. There is no way I would have coped being on my own receiving the bad news. My heart broke twice that day. Once finding out our Baby had died and again having to go home and phone my DP when he parked up for a break and tell him the Baby we'd hoped and prayed for after 3 previous losses had also died

They are a serious issue all right when they are genuine.

People confuse ‘things I don’t want to do’ and ‘things that make me sad and uncomfortable’ with a ‘mental health problem.’

YANBU mines on tuesday, we had a private scan where he was allowed, and they found a subchronic haematoma so I'm worried I'll be alone and find out my babys died.
But it's the same for everyone, if you go to A&E you have to be alone. I think all patients in all departments should get one support person permitted. I think we should be improving our medical services over letting people go to restaurants and pubs.

And fuck the "well you got pregnant in a pandemic" crowd. You have no idea how long people have been trying or whether they were even trying.

It was quite clearly used as an explanation to you as to why it isn't as simple as women just throwing a strop and acting like children demanding a colouring book.

It was quite clear that it was used as an example as to why a woman may feel she needs a partner there at a scan and it isn't just because she's a baby.

But it's okay, you carry on with your 'mental health is used as an excuse for everything' tirade.