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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fairweather friends :(

171 replies

sizzlewizzle · 20/10/2020 12:39

Since telling my bestfriend I was pregnant and now being unable to mix with her as she's always out mixing with other households etc and I'm shielding as best as I can due to Covid and wanting to keep baby safe :)
She's not replied to any messages , texted or called and just stopped bothering with me, am I being unreasonable... did anyone else have this problem with friends who don't have children ? Hmm
Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
WankPuffins · 20/10/2020 14:18

Bitch 2 know exactly what the 'x' is at the end of your post but is hoping to humiliate you. She's trying to say that you're too young and not middle class enough to post here

Nail on head there @Speedyspunker

Janegrey333 · 20/10/2020 14:19

Ignore these bitches; they imagine they are clever but are in fact very sad and possibly friendless in real life.

Hope that made you feel better.

Speedyspunker · 20/10/2020 14:20

Much better, cheersWine

Janegrey333 · 20/10/2020 14:20

Possibly friendless or lonely or jealous are Mumsnet Bingo.

Iminthewrongstory · 20/10/2020 14:21

OP - there is a shifting in friendships that can happen during pregnancy and also when the children are little. And I am sure, as you have suggested, the Covid thing heightens all that. I had some friends drift away during that time and then some with whom I reconnected later when we were more in the same place. It's worth keeping the door open.

Take care, have a lovely pregnancy and ignore the bloody language police.

Janegrey333 · 20/10/2020 14:21

May I just say you have both chosen delightful usernames.

DinosaurGrrrrr · 20/10/2020 14:22

You don’t actually need to shield being pregnant, if you don’t want to see the friend because you are paranoid then that’s fine and up to you, but it isn’t general advise unless you have a health condition too of course.

Do you mean the friend has stopped replying to you as she would normally do or do you mean she’s just not replying to your 5000 baby related texts? I’m currently pregnant, I don’t tend to mention the baby etc unless someone asks, it’s unfortunately quite boring talking about it constantly for other people, I say this and I’ve already have 2 children so it isn’t that I don’t understand what it’s like when someone else is going through it.

Speedyspunker · 20/10/2020 14:22

Excellent, I'll await my cash prizeGrin

Shinyletsbebadguys · 20/10/2020 14:23

Ahhh dear OP well at least this thread has been an eye opener to the amount people feel they can be judgey twunts the second you fall pregnant. Use this as practice for ignoring them , sadly there will be quite a few. They are usually sad people who are so insulated in their little lives the only thing they feel makes them edgy is to be acerbic which they mistake for being witty. Their opinions are next to useless. I'm sorry you had such an early introduction to them but at least you know now.

As far as your friend I found with both DC it came down to the type of person they are. Some people can stay friends even when lifestyles change and some people can't. It can be possible when it happens. I have a friend now whose lifestyle is completely different from mine but we get along really well and support each other. I've lost many when I had my DC but honestly they are not such a loss. Not after a while.

Enjoy your pregnancy it's hard enough to be doing it with covid. Anyone who is going to play silly games just isn't worth the headspace.

devildeepbluesea · 20/10/2020 14:26

I think YABU for referring to your friend as a fair weather friend. As lots of posters have said, you're at very different stages in life, both of them very exciting for the person concerned.

JenniferSantoro · 20/10/2020 14:26

@MaskingForIt

YABU for referring to it as “baby”.
Was that really necessary.
MilkandWater · 20/10/2020 14:29

@RedToothBrush and @maxelly are right. Unless there's an entire backstory you haven't mentioned, there's no reason to think she's a fairweather friend. (Also her being a fairweather friend would suggest you view, or think she views, your pregnancy as a disaster...) She's just got different priorities and different things going on, which are fully as important to her as your pregnancy is to you.

And if you are the same age as a university starter/school leaver (I mean, assuming you and your friend are around the same age), you may need to get used to people finding your decision to have a baby unusual or out of sync with your peer group.

Don't cut her off. People who don't have children aren't a different species, and there's no need to blame her for not being as interested in your pregnancy as you are, when she has more exciting stuff going on in her own life, as far as she is concerned.

CleverCatty · 20/10/2020 14:30

I'm replying to this thread as someone who's probably too old to now have babies.

If it's your best friend avoiding you, there could be an issue either she never wanted kids/dislikes babies etc but would assume you would know, or fertility issue which makes this sensitive for her. Again you know her best so you should know.

None of my best friends or otherwise avoided me when they had pregnancy announcements - but I admit sometimes with me - I'd be half on the fence re wanting one (when married when younger and when single and maybe wanting babies) and half with relief that I wasn't pregnant.

CleverCatty · 20/10/2020 14:33

[quote sizzlewizzle]@Florencex it's more of a precaution really , on top of my overactive immune system my friend is in uni with a lot of other people ( doing the freshers week drinking and party's etc ) I have explained this to her but I understand she how she may feel x[/quote]
This will definitely be the reason why she's probably not all over you with congratulations - different priorities!

Having said that - text/phone call etc would be nice, polite etc so maybe let her come to you. Don't bin her off yet.

WorryWartOne · 20/10/2020 14:34

@Speedyspunker

OP, first off - congratulations! Secondly, some really important advice. As you'll have seen from this thread there are some really lovely people on mumsnet who want to offer good and genuine advice. However, there are also some really nasty bitches who prowl around, just looking for other women they can belittle and bully. Bitch 1 wanted to make you feel bad about the nickname you use for your child. Bitch 2 know exactly what the 'x' is at the end of your post but is hoping to humiliate you. She's trying to say that you're too young and not middle class enough to post here. Ignore these bitches; they imagine they are clever but are in fact very sad and possibly friendless in real life.
Don’t forget Semi-Bitch 3 with the classic ‘how old are you‘ question, designed to belittle and make OP feel gauche and immature.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, I hope it all goes swimmingly and you make some good friends at NCT/NHS groups, baby classes or wherever. Your life changes beyond recognition when you have a child, and friendships can change too.

CleverCatty · 20/10/2020 14:35

[quote sizzlewizzle]@cococovido she asked me to go to the pub with her and I said I can't really do that anymore, my midwife has advised me to keep to my own household bubble, and then she asked if I could drive her somewhere and I had to decline aswell, just as a precaution but I explained this to her ... being in uni she's out a lot and I can't risk it [/quote]
Maybe she thinks you won't be able to do something - depending on what you can do/where you can go you could meet her - socially distanced coffee e.g. but caffeine free for you etc caffeine latte for her.

I honestly thought you were late 20's/30's - congratulations though.

SecretSpAD · 20/10/2020 14:39

Possibly friendless or lonely or jealous are Mumsnet Bingo

And almost always used against people who have a slightly different view than the mass. People are allowed to find things cringey and allowed to say so on a public forum if they so decide.

It's also interesting that people who come out with these insults don't seem to see the irony of bitching about someone they are accusing of being a bitch.

jessstan1 · 20/10/2020 14:41

@Mammylamb

Why is OP bu for calling it baby?
The baby, my baby or our baby is better than 'baby'.
CutToChase · 20/10/2020 14:42

In all fairness "baby" is right up there with "hubby". Same concept. Before you know it you'll be being "naughty" with some "lovely treats" soon OP!

For what its worth I'm with your friend.

jessstan1 · 20/10/2020 14:43

Your friend is at a different stage in life. She won't have forgotten you but she has to get on with her life and see other people. It could have been the other way around.

Try not to think about it. She will pop up occasionally and be delighted when you have your baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Heyahun · 20/10/2020 14:45

I don't really get why you can't go to the pub or go out anymore? i'm 22 weeks and have been out at pubs and restaurants seeing friends my whole pregnancy? you still can live your life.

I don't hug anyone, keep my distance - but i'm not hiding at my house.

your choice though of course - if yo don't feel comfortable then obviously stay home.

I reckon your friend is just out of sight out of mind - what do you want from her? daily phone calls/texts?

You may well lose some friends after baby is here as your life will be different - but you can make some new ones - i really wouldn't be too worried / upset about this though

Best of luck

Janegrey333 · 20/10/2020 14:46

@CutToChase

In all fairness "baby" is right up there with "hubby". Same concept. Before you know it you'll be being "naughty" with some "lovely treats" soon OP!

For what its worth I'm with your friend.

Or a cheeky drink.
Cadent · 20/10/2020 14:46

I missed the baby posts, what should baby be called, foetus? Embryo? Confused

RobertaTheGreat · 20/10/2020 14:47

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. It's lovely to hear your excitement in your posts. This is an enormous life event for you, your partner and your families, and naturally all consuming, but honestly people outside of that bubble are not generally terribly interested in pregnancy and children.

Perhaps lower your expectations of your friend - she's going through an exciting time too and has a lot to adapt to with her new uni life, so it's natural that she's a bit preoccupied just now. It could be that your friendship will naturally dwindle as you follow your separate paths, but you will meet lots of new potential friends through having your baby. My DC are adults now and my closest friends (who I've just had lunch with!) are friends I made through my kids (someone will scold me for saying kids now 😄).

As you are new to MN just be aware that AIBU is well known for its 'vipers' who love to belittle and insult posters. There are other boards for pregnancy and probably a thread for mums expecting the same month as you.

Janegrey333 · 20/10/2020 14:49

@Cadent

I missed the baby posts, what should baby be called, foetus? Embryo? Confused
Well, obviously not. The use of the noun without the accompanying pronoun makes me imagine a busybody Heath Visitor’s style.
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