Fairweather friends :(

[sizzlewizzle]

Since telling my bestfriend I was pregnant and now being unable to mix with her as she's always out mixing with other households etc and I'm shielding as best as I can due to Covid and wanting to keep baby safe :)
She's not replied to any messages , texted or called and just stopped bothering with me, am I being unreasonable... did anyone else have this problem with friends who don't have children ?
Thanks in advance x

@mummumumumumumumumumum

Aw that's very cute 😁 I love hearing what other mums call their babies.

Time to find a new best friend it would appear. Don't worry though, having a baby is a great time to make new friends I found.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

@sizzlewizzle please don’t apologise! I’m not offended and even if I was it would be my problem not yours. It’s just a weird quirk of mine, and I was really criticising the other poster for derailing your thread.

Hopefully your friend will respond well to the suggestion of a walk. Ultimately she is the one being rude, and there’s only so much you can do about someone else’s behaviour. I hope it doesn’t get you down

@WankPuffins

Awh yes my mum said the same thing happened with her friends ☹️ it's a shame really but our little miracles comes first !x

It isn’t normal to shield due to pregnancy so she possibly thinks it is you being a bit precious or at the very least, that you dropped her, not the other way round.

@Strugglingtodomybest Thankyou very much
Yes i have been talking much more to other mums they seem to understand more !x

@Florencex it's more of a precaution really , on top of my overactive immune system my friend is in uni with a lot of other people ( doing the freshers week drinking and party's etc ) I have explained this to her but I understand she how she may feel x

I'd rather hear baby than itchy teeth. What a fucking stuipd term

@LavaCake
Thankyou very much , we all have our quirks !😁

I hope so , it's very isolating sometimes , but my partner is great he's always there so if she doesn't respond well I won't let it upset me x

Back to your original point- some people do struggle with change and when the dynamics in friendships change. You haven't done anything wrong. Some people just want others to stay as they are and not change and grow for their own personal reasons. Good luck and take care xx

@DrManhattan

That's a really good point , Thankyou very much

@MaskingForIt

YABU for referring to it as “baby”.

That made me lol 🤣

How dare you refer to your baby as ‘baby’. Off with your head!!!!

OP, please stop apologising to any arseholes who object to you using the term 'baby'. If it bothers them, that is on them and not on you. Their reactions are not your responsibility.

@MaskingForIt I have no idea why there is people like you in this world. Be kind in what you say, theres no need to sit on mumsnet correcting people. Snobbish.

Anyways, yes I lost a few friends and even a best friend said to me "I have no idea why mums with new babies expect the world to revolve around them" that was after a very traumatic birth and PTSD. You sound absolutely lovely good luck with everything x

@sizzlewizzle she's going through a big exciting change to her life as well. One that is as important to her as your baby is to you.
You are both moving in different directions now and you are both going to make friends in your new worlds. Most people starting uni are in a whirlwind of socialising and working - she's not doing anything wrong (as long as she is careful re covid) so maybe she thinks you are judging her. I have to be honest, it does sound a bit as if you are.

I think it's simply that you're at different stages in your lives. Your settling down to have a baby, and she's off partying at Freshers week. She just wants to do what she normally does, and unfortunately that leaves no room for a pregnant friend who is essentially shielding

I'm not sayinf what she has done is right, I certainly think she has been rude and unkind. But this is sadly a common occurence

You are in different points in your life. Its not about being a fairweather friend, its about you BOTH moving on in life into different stages.

You've literally told her, that you can't see her anymore. You've told her she isn't directly a part of your life right now. She's still got to get on with living her life. I'm not sure quite what you expect, but its unrealistic to expect her to message you constantly. Especially as both of you are losing things in common as you move in different directions and theres not a huge amount to talk about atm. Talking about a coming baby can bore the tits of people who aren't in the same boat and for whom babies are generally dull.

That doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. As you get older you realise that some friends endure but it can be months or even years between communication. Cos thats just how it is. And when you are together its brilliant and just like its always been. And that doesn't mean you are unimportant either.

Just that things have changed and thats what life is like as you get older.

That said I do think the friendships you are most likely to keep are with people who go through lifechanges like having babies or settling down at a similar time to you. Again thats nothing personal. Just life.

@SecretSpAD

Not judging at all I support her fully however we have different opinions on Covid and the pandemic I have 2 very vulnerable parents I also have to care for which she does know. I'd love to go and have a party with her but my life doesn't accommodate for that now , also no I don't think their party's do comply with the guidelines after many positive tests in Their uni flats. No you can't blame them for wanting to have fun and party but I can no longer be a part of that x

Congratulations on your pregnancy, in these difficult times it is warming to read your excitement and happiness for the future.

I hope you find some lovely new friends on your new adventure.

The people who object to OP using the term ‘baby’... Did you all genuinely refer to “the foetus” throughout pregnancy? Seems very cold

Op you can refer to your baby in any way you like . Do whatever makes you feel safe in your pregnancy.

You told her you were choosing not to see her, what did you think would happen, constant texts asking you to change your mind?

You'll lose a lot of friends, who may or may not come back into your life as they move to the same life stages.

You'll also make loads of new friends, so it evens out pretty well.

Best of luck with your pregnancy, OP

(and yes, I hate "Baby as opposed to "my baby" and find it twee, but we called the unborn baby Dolly-or-Elvis because we were so sick of questions about names, so we've all got our quirks)

@RedToothBrush thanks I suppose you're right , I was feeling a little hurt as I've tried to contact her but yes we're at different stages ... it's always good to get someone else's opinion x

@unmarkedbythat not choosing not to see her just that I simply couldn't come to pubs and party's and give her lifts places any more. I still made an effort to see her safely and we had many FaceTime nights etc but it just wasn't what she wanted to do anymore.
Which is fair enough I suppose