How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

Find good outlet places to shop near you. Exactly the same things as in the high street shops, just cheaper. There are also online outlets, some on eBay .

Agree with the advice to head to MSE and poke about, there is no end of good advice from decent people who give their time on the forums.

And do not believe the headlines on social media, it's all for show. Work out a way to pay off your debts and move forward, knowing you have good faith and integrity. Good luck.

I can't be bothered anymore with the replies.
Please read the thread.
Op I am so sorry, do you have anyone who can help

I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to it

That is financial abuse. Unless OP suddenly reveals she’s a gambling addict there is no excuse for a man treating his partner this way.

Oh, just seen this has moved on apace.

Would you be frightened to challenge this situation? It isn't right. 💐☹️

Really sorry op just saw where u wrote about your husband giving u such a small allowance .
How long have you been married op ?
Can u ask him to explain where rest of money going ?
How old am u children? Could u work from home if they are school ?

That is financial abuse

How do you know this? How do you know their debt ans mortgage doesn’t take up so much that what he gives her is all he has left? She doesn’t seem to know, so how do you? Do you know them personally?

She hasn’t said he refuses to tell her, simoly she doesn’t know.

@Bluntness100 restricting access to money is financial abuse. The OP doesn’t have access to the bank account, no card to use, no idea what’s there or not. She has no money independent of her partner and he restricts access to his finances. Textbook financial abuse regardless of how much is or isn’t in the account.

@Jellycatspyjamas your right it does sound like finicial abuse. The fact that OP doesn’t seem to know where the money goes really

@Bluntness100 why is he "giving" her anything at all? She should have full access to the family money and know exactly how much is coming in and out, she's not a child.

@Bluntness100 restricting access to money is financial abuse

I’m sorry but you need to read the definition of financial abuse. It is not if you don’t get full access to your spouses salary you’re being abused. Just type it into google.

And as for she should have full access, I’m so sick of people perpetuating this myth on here . Morally arguably yes, legally she has no right to his salary at all. None what so ever and in law there is no concept of family money. It is a myth invented on here.

Well I was financially abused so I do have a little insight and it’s worryingly similar.

@Bluntness100 you always pop up on these threads saying the same types of things. You need to stop giving OP poor advice as well as others similar.

So because OPs husband isn’t breaking the law it makes it ok?

People’s comments are from a moral point of view. OP has kids CMS would make her husband make more than £250 per month and that’s just for the kids.

*Financial abuse involves a perpetrator using or misusing money which limits and controls their partner’s current and future actions and their freedom of choice. It can include using credit cards without permission, putting contractual obligations in their partner’s name, and gambling with family assets. [1]

Financial abuse can leave women with no money for basic essentials such as food and clothing. It can leave them without access to their own bank accounts, with no access to any independent income and with debts that have been built up by abusive partners set against their names.*

Copied from Womens Aid. The OP has no access to money other than money he gives her, which isn’t enough to meet her and their children’s basic needs. He is using money in a way which limits her current actions and freedom of choice. Financial abuse.

It’s not about having unfettered access to his salary, it’s about having shoes without holes.

On a household income of £50k, you must really have high outgoing to not be able to afford some luxuries (ie days out)

I think it’s a matter of priorities: I currently work 4 days a week instead of 5 and pay £250 a month on wraparound care, so our family income is less than it could be.

I think it’s all about what you prioritize.

But we have no debts, and do put money away each month and have a reasonable amount left over for days out and can easily buy clothes (I’m also plus size). But we also pay for a cleaner and dog walker, so that’s a few big unnecessary expenses.

Our priority is our family time together and our home, so most money goes on things that facilitate this and days out: we do lots of them to local parks, farm parks (annual ticket) zoos, tourist attractions (annual pass) and science centre (annual pass) and far too many lunches out.

What we don’t spend money on though is on an expensive car, big holidays, nights out,expensive clothing, electronic gadgets, fancy phones or alcohol (DH May buy a few beers to drink at hom now and then, and I have the odd mini bottle of wine).
Our diet is mostly vegetarian and I batch cook which makes it cheaper. We also get annual passes for local places and I get vouchers and discount codes whenever I can.

There’s still a lot of room for improvement in our spending habits, but I don’t judge anyone spending differently; it’s really a matter of priorities (above a certain income: if you genuinely don’t have enough for the basics, that’s a different story)

I know a few women like the op and it suits them very well, they don't need to work, still have their own money given to them by the dgs and they don't need to rake responsibility for anything.

Would drive me flipping mad but suits them very well. They've told me being married to a low earner and having to work in a job they dislike, like me, would drive them mad.

Horses for courses. Sometimes people are in situations that suit them.

Dhs not dgs

I buy my cardigans from Hennes they are only £8. Select on line do 2 pairs of leggings for £8 too and the both last. X

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD READ THE FULL THREAD!!!

Also Sainsburys do some nice coats ect. My cousin got one last year in the sale for £10. X

As a partnership or marriage I would expect to know the financial details
Total income and exact expenditure - any less honesty and I would be wondering why and wanting out
In answer to the original question it’s hard to say without knowing mortgage/rent any debts, number of DC any special circumstances etc
I have a big mortgage but economise on other things to buy what I want
I also have a few other ways of making money eg eBaying

@showmethegin

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD READ THE FULL THREAD!!!

Christ over 500 posts, who actually does this?!?

Two incomes I’m afraid.

You also don’t have to go to a safari for a day out, we have loads of days out which don’t cost anything like that.

OP have you got a high mortgage. 2 families can live in near identical houses, and have identical income but due to when they bought their house, have more money.

We have a joint income of about £90k and about the same amount in savings, but I buy almost everything second hand off eBay. So I get a lot of brand stuff but cheaper.

I think a lot of people have large mortgages but pay off very little or interest only. They use credit cards and don't have savings. Compare yourself to no one. Comparison is the thief of joy. But what you want/need and don't overspend

It’s clear that one underlying part of this problem is OP not worki at all, despite her children (almost certainly) being in full time school. If the situation was reversed posters here would be asking that question of the man.

The reason for not being in work seems to be that OP has ‘mobility issues’ - both caused by, and further exacerbating her obesity. She said that she’s not able to work ‘at the moment’ but she has given no indication of how she plans to get out of this situation (either by losing weight or finding work that doesn’t rely on being mobile). Her partner probably feels significant resentment at this situation, and it’s made even worse by the comfort eating, because that makes it even less likely that she’s going to get a job soon.

'He gives me 250 + the child benefit to buy food, petrol for my car and my phone bill. There is never enough just for these things each month and my mum has to give me more. He thinks it's completely adequate'

OP if you're having to ask your mom to give you a top up for the basics, this is not okay. It's not okay for your mum to be put under pressure like that when your DH earns enough to cover those costs. Does he know that you do this?

You really need to sit down and talk to him. It seems you only 'know' how much money there is because of what he tells you. Do you trust him to tell you the truth about your financial situation?

He has to understand that him controlling what you can and can't spend money on is abusive, it's treating you like a kid. You need a new pair of shoes because yours have holes in them, you should absolutely be able to by a pair with the kind of salary your DH earns. Unless there are a load of debts you've not mentioned. But it sounds like he sees the money as his and he's doing you a favour by letting you have £250 a month. Does he resent the fact that you don't work? Does he fully understand why you are not working and is on board with it? I'm not saying you should be, only that he may not be okay with it, he just perhaps hasn't verbalised it. But if you are both on the same page re you not working then he is completely out of order and you both really need to think hard about what you want your future to look like because this isn't sustainable for you and you are in a very vulnerable position. And he needs to pay your mum back for what you have borrowed from her.