How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

My husband and I earn £20k between us, we have a son, a mortgage, two cars and I buy a lot of stuff and waste a lot of money. If we had £50k I'd be able to save about half of that a year.

I’m plus size too and I love “yours clothing”. They have amazing sales and go up to a size 36 I believe. Xx

Feed him beans on toast every night for a week.

If he complains tell him you're budgeting to buy your coat, as he suggested.

Do you thoughtlessly spend money on small things OP? Like luxury extras in the supermarket, take out coffee, clothes for the DC that they don't need but you couldn't resist buying and it was on sale etc, etc.

This applies to me. I have been super strict with myself this week. I've got all the food we need and not skimped on quality but I have desisted buying anything unnecessary off the sale rail etc.

I've also realised how expensive eating out is (we are a family of 5) and like one poster, plan to invest in another nice thermos flask. Also, I buy cake from the supermarket for picnics.

I don't like paying loads of money for days out. With 5 of us it costs a fistful of money every time we contemplate it.

Only £200 left a month if he earns 50k doesn’t sound normal. Where does all the money go?

I’m a stay at home parent. Partner earns 30 grand a year and we have more disposable income than you. I know everyone situation is different. I mortgage isn’t a lot which helps but our bills are high (water, energy).

Maybe have a look at bank statements and see what you spend it on without realising!

I agree with you somewhat though. I don’t understand where people get their money from
Sometimes. They are most likely in debt and spending above their means.

The posters commenting about holidays - OP has said they do have a holiday also that children have everything they need. And there is £200 a month left over.

OP has also said that she doesn't want a joint account because she doesn't want to be questioned about her spending. I think honestly there is more to this than the standard 'hes financially abusing you' narrative. I suspect some history of overspending by the OP which was the reason for the DHs scrutiny of the receipts. For all we know he's frugal himself - my DP owns 3 pairs of shoes/ trainers, and apart from 1 suit, every item in his wardrobe cost under £20. Not all men are splashing the cash around on expensive clothes and hobbies!

This is such a sad thread. OP no adult should be in this position. You sound as if you think you are not “ worth” his money. Well first of all, it’s family money. But actually I think you are long past talking about this. As others have said this is financial abuse, and quite frankly you would be better off ( in every sense) without him. No grown woman should be walking in leaky shoes. It’s heartbreaking how many men do this.

I use Tesco vouchers to pay for the occasional day out

"OP has also said that she doesn't want a joint account because she doesn't want to be questioned about her spending. I think honestly there is more to this than the standard 'hes financially abusing you' narrative. I suspect some history of overspending by the OP which was the reason for the DHs scrutiny of the receipts."

OR the reason that he scrutinised the receipts was that he is financially abusive and controlling.

Some people really do bend over backwards to blame the victim for their abuser's behaviour

Supermarkets are good for clothes and shoes. Sainsbury's do lots of coats in a wide range of sizes and many of them aren't that expensive.

As countless others have said- you have a husband problem here. He’s abusing you financially and keeping you completely dependent on him. Even when I was on maternity leave and earning next to nothing, I had access to joint funds, made financial decisions with DH, and did not have my spending questioned- which is what’s normal in an equal relationship I think.

@Jojobar

The posters commenting about holidays - OP has said they do have a holiday also that children have everything they need. And there is £200 a month left over.

OP has also said that she doesn't want a joint account because she doesn't want to be questioned about her spending. I think honestly there is more to this than the standard 'hes financially abusing you' narrative. I suspect some history of overspending by the OP which was the reason for the DHs scrutiny of the receipts. For all we know he's frugal himself - my DP owns 3 pairs of shoes/ trainers, and apart from 1 suit, every item in his wardrobe cost under £20. Not all men are splashing the cash around on expensive clothes and hobbies!

It does seem like OP has an inclination for pricy things (the potential trips out for the kids, for instance...so many more affordable options. Same with the clothes. It’s not either a £60 coat or nothing). I would be interested to know how much is involved in making sure the kids ‘have what they need’.

That doesn’t change the fact that the amount given by her husband is pitiful really. And neglecting to consider her own needs.

OP has some kind of physical ailments, is very overweight, comfort eats so is probably stressed, is financially dependent. Ripe for a controlling relationship.

@Someone1987 your mortgage payment must be pretty tiny to manage that and running 2 cars on a 20k salary?! My current car costs me at least £100 a month on insurance/ tax/ fuel, plus more for annual maintenance costs/ any repairs.

When I used to earn about 20k I think my take home was about £1400 (this was some years ago now) after I'd paid mortgage, childcare and travel costs - no car back then - I had about £500 or so left a month for all utility bills and food. I got by, just about, but I certainly didn't have loads left over!

There seems to be a lot of these posts lately! £250 a month for 4 people for the month I’m surprised there’s any money left from that to purchase anything else OP!

DEBT . Plain and simple. Most people earn poor wages so they splurge on credit cards.

OP, to give you an idea because my OH earns the same as yours and also was earning a lot less 2 years ago so similar position with seperate accounts. I earn between £300-500 a month from my part time job and the child benefit gets paid to me. He transfers me £1400 a month. £500 for savings (our house deposit saving account is in my name) and £900 is for food, things for kids, Christmas and birthdays, days out and the other bills in my name (just water, my life insurance my phone and internet, Netflix etc). If I have any left over I put it in our deposit savings account. My OH pays for the rent, electric and gas, and all his vehicle related insurance, his pension and insurance and council tax. Our rent is quite low though £575, and we only have one vehicle and no loans or debt. But on his income, you really should be able to buy clothes and days out. Your husband is being massively unreasonable.

Hell of a drip feed!

I'd written a lengthy post as have many others based on us thinking you had access to the income in your household.

You're being financially abused and frankly you need to leave.

This is very unlikely to change and it's not fair on you or the dc.

Actually I feel like I should have twigged earlier with the amount of income and certain other comments, I think you've posted before op and were told then to get out.

Even if not that is really what is best for you and dc, and I think you know this.

but thats a different issue for another time.

No it's not actually. That suggests there is other abuse too (not surprising often the case) and for you and dcs sake you need to leave ASAP

Because it's NOT just you that is suffering the abuse, though that's reason enough, it's also the dc

I've been the child in that situation and it's miserable, and embarrassing and stressful!

@AnotherEmma I'm not trying to excuse a (possible) abuser. But there are 2 sides to every story, and although I have known of too many women treated like crap by abusive partners who hold the purse strings and refuse to allow them money even when asked, there are other situations where one partner spends way beyond the family's means leaving the other feeling they have no alternative but to limit their access to finances.

We don't know here where the OPs situation falls. She absolutely should know how much the family income is and what the outgoings are. But it might be when she does the reality is there is only £250 for food IF she also wants £200 left over. Spending £350 on food will result in less leftover money for treats etc. OP and her husband may need to compromise on this.

We tend to have money for big expenses and people think we're rolling in it but they dont notice that we spend very little on other things. Our mortgage is tiny because we saved like mad and bought a cheap house in a decent enough area. We have cheap phones, mines 10 quid a month, DHs is a company phone. When our internet cost goes up I ring up and ask them to make it cheaper. We dont have sky tv or whatever. Dont have games consoles. Our essential expenditure is minimal essentially. So I can afford expensive holidays and gifts.

It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing, the number of PPs who think you can eradicate financial abuse just by "having a word" with your abuser 🙄

He's not going to change if the OP asks him to; he calls the shots and that's how she's got into this situation.

I totally agree

Plus without knowing the full situation challenging the abuser could not only not change things it could potentially be dangerous.

Abuse rarely comes in one form alone, most often there's a whole load of other shit going on! And even if they've not been violent before this could trigger them to become violent. Op needs to prioritise her and dcs safety at all times.

Even leaving needs to be handled VERY carefully with doing all the victim can to avoid tipping their abuser off as again this can trigger violence even when there's been none before.

What clothes size are you?

Asda George goes up to 24 and New Look up to 26.

Simply Be have a lot of nice clothes at lower prices.

I buy fairly frequently from there, you get the basics at a good price.

We are the same, we are a single income family we just use lots of caution when buying. My husband dosnt earn as much as yours. We are lucky we get hand me downs for clothes, though they are drying up these days. For the DCs I will shop in charity shops, Facebook, eBay happily. They are all girls so clothes get handed down.

I’m big too I shop in sales, my day to day clothes are just what ever I can afford, the only place I go is the school gate usually. The only time I’m fussy is when buying jeans and bras.

As I said sales sales sales, I buy school uniforms in sales for the next year, same with shoes, when I see the next size up in the sales I will get them for them to grow into. I buy Halloween & Christmas stuff for the next year in the sales (just remember where you pack it away).

We don’t go mad on holidays. We were going to get Merlin passes this year and we’re going to make the most of them but Covid got in the way of that. Other years we use vouchers, Kellogg’s, Cadbury’s & McDonald’s do Merlin vouchers, we book a cheap premier in for a weekend and use the vouchers, going term time is a lot cheaper. This year we did a haven holiday, it was £246 for 4 nights for 5 of us during the summer holidays. We had one booked during lockdown which we missed, that was £168 for 4 nights. There are lots of free activities for the kids to do, including swimming, petting zoo etc..

We started recording our expenditure and found we wasted a lot of money on groceries. We adjusted our meals and stoped eating so much expensive food & meals. I shop around, the only person who is fussy about brands is me so I cut back on how much branded food I buy.

We also found the kids activities were killing us £350 a month just for 2 of them. We saved so much durning lockdown. We haven't restarted them again. Right now it’s just rainbows & brownies.

Other money saving places is your bills, look at moving providers to see if you can get cheaper utilities.

50k and u can't afford shoes , def write down all your outgoings and see if u can make changes somewhere

I earn about the same as your partner and my partner doesn't work . We have alot more disposable income than that. If I didnt save anything it would be around 1000 a month. Maybe due to where we live etc ? My mortgage is 650 . Perhaps you are putting money into savings