Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

Says who?
Ever heard of Alexandre Dumas? Did you know he was (very visibly) mixed race?

Yup. I knew that.. Still, the evidence exists that folks knew he was mixed race.

I don’t think it’s racist for people to assume you’re black if you’re darker-skinned than MM, but if you’re saying they’re TELLING you you’re black, even after you’ve told them your origins, that’s another story. You are as much white as you are black, so it kind of smacks of the one drop rule to say that you are simply black. If you tell people you are mixed race they should just accept it.

True, Goosefoot, and that's interesting -- the whole point of racism is defining people by how they look and not how they feel.

How you feel may also be a response to how people treat you.

*I think Meghan-Markle has a lot to do with this, I agree she is not black but as chosen to identify herself with them.

Did I actually just read this in here? You 'agree she is not black' and who are 'them'.

Wow.

@Awitssolove

in a crude way, I'm not the target market for that kind of racism, despite not being white.

Imagine being 'treated white' but thought of as black.

I’m not buying it from OP.

I’m from a BAME family with people ranging from 100% African to blond blue eyed mixed race people. I don’t know anyone who looks white but somehow at work is being assumed to be black. If you look white you’re treated as white unless you go out of your way to identify as something else.

So my guess is OP either really looks dark skinned enough to read as black to her colleagues, or she is identifying as Brazilian or some other non-white heritage to the point that they view her primarily as BAME.

@ClickandForget

By saying you are one race or the other when you are mixed race is cutting out half your heritage

But how are we expected to know!?!!

You're supposed to be able to tell because this is about people who know me, not strangers on the street taking a stab at my ethnicity.

This is about my colleagues and friends, my husband's family and others, whom, even after I correct them, still insist on thinking their ideas about what race I belong to trump mine. Or who insist that I need to be yes, the black pet who is going to talk about black issues, because that's what black people do. Or the worst, people who don't just decide to ignore your request to be identified as mixed-race, but who actively tell you that you are wrong and you are in fact black full stop and you should just get with the program.

Also all of the other mixed race people I know have white mothers and black fathers. They were raised by their mums and their dads weren’t in the picture, so they only ever really knew the white side of their family and the white side of their heritage. It’s not that they dislike their blackness. They just find it jarring to be referred to solely as black when they have never really experienced that side of their background.

@turnitonagain I never said I was white, wanted to be white or could pass for white. However, there tends to be a major difference between how people of my skin colour are perceived by the police, compared to people who are a lot darker. I have certainly experienced racism, discrimination and unpleasantness, but not in that sphere.

In terms of skin colour I look like the young girl in the picture, but my hair is decidedly more like that of the darker girl standing next to her. If I said I was black on that black mumsnetters thread on shadeism, I'm fairly confident that wouldn't go down well.

@Notjustblackandwhite Mark Duggan was mixed race and Jean Charles de Menezes was Brazilian. Both shot by British police. I think you’re naive and perhaps because you’re a woman don’t think mixed race people are affected by police brutality or racial profiling.

OP, don't you think being female may also be relevant to whether police etc etc profile you for harassment?

Say it loud I'm Black And I'm proud! Claim it. black is a political statement as well as racial. I'm mixed and I've never claimed to be mixed. I'm Black all day long.

I call my daughter's 'beautiful black women'

They are mixed black and white. And are both very light skinned but I want them to be proud of their black heritage and culture.

YANBU.
I find this mind-boggling. I don't get how a mixed-race person is viewed as just one thing when they are clearly mixed and it is always the 'darker' colour they are perceived as!
To some people, all they see is the 'one drop rule.'
Take MM-clearly as much white as black (if not more so) but she's referred to as black by some.
I don't get it!

Nobody is allowed to tell you your racial identity least of all a white person. Tell them not to do it and if they don’t listen then cool off the friendship

Isn’t it crazy when you discover how people actually see you (and the world?) really eye-opening. Not sure if there’s much you can do about it unfortunately. People are often quite sure they’re right about this sort of thing, and not easily challenged/educated. What happens when you do say ‘actually I’m mixed’ blank stares? Confused expressions? Sorry it’s like this.

Sorry edit ‘there’s not much you can do about it’ to ‘there’s not much you can do about it with SOME PEOPLE.’ Except perhaps try to distance yourself from those people. Again, sorry it’s like this.

I don't understand why other people can 'mansplain' your own ethnicity to you. It's unbelievably patronising and, I think, actually racist, as if they can't see past the fact that you're not 100% white, so need a nice simple category to shove you into, based on how you differ from blonde blue eyed folk. I think you are completely in your rights to be utterly tired of this.

It is complicated isn't it - especially when your heritage is from a place which has completely different racial categories. There's are at least two whole racial categories that exist in the West Indies and don't in the UK, which I think a LOT of people found confusing. It's weird to 'become black' or 'become white' by emigration. It makes you realise how political and constructed so much of it is.

It’s the ‘one drop’ rule, isn’t it - one black ancestor and you’re black!

It’s a little bit difficult, I know mixed people who refer to themselves as black and would be offended not to be referred to that way.

Then you could say don’t refer to someone’s race at all, but I read an opinion piece by a woman who was upset that her all-white colleagues didn’t refer to her as ‘the black one’ like her race was too shameful to mention. I agree with her.

Unless you explicitly tell someone aren’t going to know. It would be weird to tell people apropos to nothing, so the only way for people to know is when they get it wrong/right from a guess.

I know a number of mixed race people who say they are black so I really don't think it's coming from a nasty place (although to be calling you racist is a bit off!) I can see why it annoys you.

Then you could say don’t refer to someone’s race at all, but I read an opinion piece by a woman who was upset that her all-white colleagues didn’t refer to her as ‘the black one’ like her race was too shameful to mention. I agree with her.

Sorry I meant when specifically asked to describe her, over the phone to a client.

I haven’t had a lot of sleep.

I would be annoyed too.

Its up to you how you define your identity. My DC are mixed race too but I make a lot more effort than DH to teach them about my culture/language than he does (both from different immigrant backgrounds), so I find it upsetting when people try to sweep my half away.

DS1 would describe himself as English anyway, DS2 is a baby.

I wasn’t born in Europe and found the descriptors fairly baffling for years. Here (UK) black means you have some black forefathers not your family have never mixed with any other race. Asian means you come from the Indian subcontinent and “Chinese” seems to mean anyone from the Far East. The rest of the world seem to be ignored.
It does seem to be that any non white heritage takes precedence. I don’t really engage with it.

I've known mixed race people want to be known as black too. And people be offended by the term 'mixed race'. It's a bit confusing. I tend to say nothing so I don't offend.

On a personal level I get your irritation, it's not down to anyone else to try to define you.