Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

This is why race is a stupid (and damaging) concept.

That people still discuss "race" as something meaningful is what you should be upset about.
And, quite frankly, I am seeing it discussed as such on MN.

@Aridane

It’s the ‘one drop’ rule, isn’t it - one black ancestor and you’re black!

That's in America though. We're not in America.

It’s an attitude / approach not confined to the US!

What matters is that this is how you are perceived by that friend. No point in arguing. She's put you in the black category, meaning she clearly considers you as not in the same category as her. Think about it.

I'm pleased to hear you views Notjustblackandwhite
I would definitely in today's climate say anyone mixed was black as I thought that is what was correct societally.
It didn't make sense to me. Black people and mixed people come from so many different countries (inc UK, Ireland, Somalia, Brazil etc etc) with so many different customs and religions yet somehow they are all the same? Seemed disrespectful to me.
I think in the UK we believe we are the USA where black roots are a bit clearer.

I too am mixed race and fairly dark, but not black; I call myself black, though, and many do.

It's kind of standing up against colourism. Back in the day the "one drop rule" was valid meaning if you looked white but had some ancient ancestor who was black, you were still black. So many of us who were dark-skinned but not black called ourselves black in solidarity.

If you don't want to do that it's fine; I'm just explaining why.
I haven't read the whole thread btw.

That's in America though. We're not in America.

No, it was the rule in British colonial times too. That's where my roots are and the one drop rule was certainly upheld.

@Goosefoot you are the one insisting that your race is your culture. Race is not necessarily linked to your culture at all, especially someone who is mixed race. Culturally if they live in the UK they are British. Some are likely to be third or fourth generation now and will not know much about the ‘black’ culture you are trying to foist on them, the culture will be very different depending on the country that their parent/grandparent/ great grandparent came from. Your views are exactly the thing that many people complain about as you are excusing the people who ask where are you really from.

If you are mixed race your culture isn’t necessarily ‘black’. I bet white people would get really pissed off if black or mixed race people called them hidden blacks.

@diamondpony80 why do you think mixed race people call themselves black? When people insist on calling them black or believe the one drop rule.

I remember referring to a school mum with an American friend and she referred to them as "the black woman" and I remember not referring to her in that way because she was clearly mixed race. When I asked her about it she told me that in America, if you are 10% black, you are black.

Maybe that is just her, but I remember being a bit shocked that you would dismiss a very large percentage of a persons heritage. Perhaps this is what is happening here. I've often wondered why people do this? It is pure ignorance.

I think you are facing this issue because many people who come from a mixed white and black heritage do quite often just consider themselves black. I know my best friend does and it is partly because she looks more black than white and has faced the same drawbacks , racism that a lot of black people unfortunately do.

My cousin's child is mixed asian and white, is far browner than me and I have two Asian parents and considers himself white as that is the race he most identifies with. There is no right and wrong just how you feel which may be different to other people with the same mix as you.

I think you get to define yourself anyway you want but my bottom line is ‘black’ comes in many different shades and as people have pointed out, I have known people of mixed race prefer to be known as black. So if people get it wrong, I am not sure how much blame can be placed on an individual when the goalposts are clearly personal. If people persist after being corrected then that would be unacceptable but I am not sure how I can know just by looking at someone’s skins colour a) that they are definitely mixed race and b) how they might prefer to be seen as or referred to as.

My kids are mixed all sorts of things. They look wildly different and have a Chinese surname.
They are not chinese, and have no contact with China, because that was many generations ago.
They are people, with lots of different cultural and genetical heritage.
I understand the problems that exist with racism, but there is really only one human race.
(Interspersed with other humanoids that are now extinct).

The thing I’m struggling with is that the term “black” does not exclude being mixed race. It’s perfectly acceptable to describe oneself as black and also half-Italian or whatever. Most black Americans and Caribbeans have significant European DNA due to slavery already.

“White” is actually the exclusive category because it excludes people who have European ancestry but dark skin due to the rest of their heritage.

You can define yourself however you like but there's a massive elephant in the room: in practice race is more about how others see you than how you feel. And if others mostly see you as black or white you cant control that and it will shape your experience.

Humans don't have races. Race theory was debunked years ago. Being 'black' isn't a race it's a skin colour. If OP has light brown skin as described then she isn't black.

None of that invalidates people's sense of identity or their heritage but that is for them to decide.

Sadly despite the fact that race is made up racism is very real. I wish we'd all stop buying into the racist's bullshit and using their language. Having a particular skin colour doesn't define anything about you (except perhaps whether you tan or burn).“

^This a million times. I think if some people took an ancestry test they would realise that probably they have DNA from a “black” ethnic group, even if they their families have lived in UK for centuries.

I get that too OP, one parent is White, the other is Māori and I have been automatically classed as black on official forms in the UK.

Who is doing these classifications? The applicant is the one expected to self identify on the forms I’ve completed.

Your friends are lazy and rude given they know of your identity preference but in general, mixed usually equals black.

Cultural identity is such a personal choice that it is often at odds with the pull to generalise and pigeonhole.

YANBU. It must be boring and frustrating to constantly be pigeon-holed and cast as spokeswoman for a vast percentage of the population that you don't even have anything in common with. Maybe when people ask you about racism in UK, you could explain why this is so frustrating.

Because of the straight hair I have trouble seeing Markle as mixed (or black or anything not white). Only when I see pictures of her like this do I get any visual reminder that MM isn't simply white.

Is all a minefield. Noah Trevor's comedy routine about Obama being upgraded from "mixed' to "black" is pretty funny.

Do you mind being called "ethnic minority" or "person of colour", OP? An MNer said that being called "non-white" is outrageous even in the context of being "non-white".

In South Africa especially in the Cape people of mixed race are called Coloured and this is what they were on legal documents. Don't know if that is still the case. They were not just mixed black/white but also perhaps partly Malay (Chinese) and also perhaps partly descended from the old non -Bantu indigenous race - the Hottentots who inhabited the Cape.

Seriously? Aside from the fact that Meghan too is mixed race, she is not "quite obviously black" in my opinion.

I agree with you OP.

In my workplace form there are around 30 ethnicities / mixes to choose from and also space to write your own. It differentiates between black British, black Caribbean and Black African and mixed White plus those ethnicities.
I come under mixed white British / other which quite annoys me as I'm half a Mediterranean heritage which doesn't feature apart from 'other.'

People from everywhere make assumptions about my heritage frequently. I use it as a chance to engage in conversation, but I don't feel it is a negative (racist) intention; of course if it was that would make a difference to how I felt and responded.

I know my best friend does and it is partly because she looks more black than white and has faced the same drawbacks , racism that a lot of black people unfortunately do.

^ This. This is the reason for my preference to being called black, even though, strictly speaking, I am brown. Nobody cared to make those distinctions when I was growing up in a British colony. So I will stand up for everyone "of colour". We are one; don't divide us.

Seriously? Aside from the fact that Meghan too is mixed race, she is not "quite obviously black" in my opinion.

I agree. I'm white, from a white background (as far back as we know) but at the same time my family is quite dark. Basically I am darker than her but I'm 'white'. I think you get to say when your racial identity is, not anyone else.