Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

I teach my mixed race children that they are 100% all of their ethnicities. They are not half this or half that. Nor are they an undifferentiated “biracial.” Culture is not absorbed by percentages.

So to me calling Meghan Markle black is as accurate as calling her white. She is both. She is not a person cut in half.

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts that is good but what about the wider community not related to them? it's a lot more tricky with that

It’s very hard being mixed in a world that wants you to define as part of one distinct polarised camp.
You must be ‘one’ or ‘another’; liberal or conservative, LGBT or not, black or white, disabled or able bodied, religious or atheist. It’s exhausting being pigeon holed into boxes that don’t define your reality for the sake of others ease. Most of the time if feels like being neither one or the other and not really fitting it either ‘camp’.

@BrokenBrit exactly

@StuntNun

please don’t go there accusing black women of hating all light skinned women. I did no such thing. I was talking about some black women feeling that roles they regard as for black actresses shouldn't go to mixed race actresses. That doesn't imply all black women feel that way. You're trying to read something into my words that wasn't there and then insulting me over something I didn't say.

Your comment said there is a “backlash” against mixed actresses. That’s very different than saying there’s a call for more representation of dark skinned women.

In any case you’re not familiar with the black female community it seems and didn’t realise how offensive your statement was. Hope you understand now.

The only cases where I’ve personally seen “backlash” is where a part black public figure refuses to acknowledge or engage with that part of their heritage. Like Tiger Woods.

@turnitonagain I'm only going by what I've seen on social media. Maybe reaction would have been a better word than backlash. I was making the point that mixed race people experience different types of discrimination. But please do carry on making stuff up to hound me about.

@turnitonagain What's Tiger Woods done? Besides the cheating on his wife and being a drunk addict sleaze bit...

@Notjustblackandwhite when asked how he felt about being the first black winner of the Masters he said he wasn’t black. People were quite upset about that as it was seen as a historic victory over a sport that had excluded blacks from its clubs for decades.

Irony being when the police got involved in the car crash after his wife attacked him, he was described in the police report as “black.”

The only cases where I’ve personally seen “backlash” is where a part black public figure refuses to acknowledge or engage with that part of their heritage. Like Tiger Woods

So he's not allowed to identify as he chooses, but everyone else is? What a load of bollocks.

@DTIsOnlyForNow who said he’s not allowed to do anything? Black people looking for a black role model didn’t find one in him and moved on. I doubt it keeps him up at night.

I have a hard time seeing a half black person refusing to identify as black as anything but the influence of white supremacy. They want to access white privilege because they have a white parent. Except their skin is dark and society views them as a person of colour. Seems to deeply enrage some mixed race people. A bit like OP.

@turnitonagain
I don’t identify as black as I am mixed race. It is definitely not the influence of white supremacy...
I am half black and half white and identify myself as such as I am mixed race - if society sees me as black, I cannot change that - but I am mixed race and I don’t understand how you have a “hard time” understanding that? It doesn’t enrage me personally, but I identify myself for what I am - which is mixed.

Tiger Woods has no obligation to identify as you wish he would. People identify with the racial culture they feel closer to and it doe not have to equate to white supremacy.

I am fully of a particular East Asian ethnicity. I don't identify with it at all and prefer the overarching identity of the country I grew up in. That is my right as my personal experience visiting the country of my parent's birth was eye opening in the rejection of me I experienced during a visit back "home" when I was a child due the the fact that I did not speak the language and I was culturally very different from the other children. I remember being surrounded by a group of children in a school yard and being taunted. After several of those experiences, I knew that I could not feel comfortable with that identity. I don't deny that that is the country of my ancestors, but I certainly am not of that country.

My children are mixed Eurasian, however they too don't identify with either country of their origin as they have nothing to do with either culturally. They prefer their other identities of American and Londoner because that is closer to who they feel they are culturally.

Who knows why Tiger Woods feels the way he does, that does not mean that it is not valid and it certainly cannot be chalked up to white supremacy. He certainly does not call himself Thai either, and you don't see Thai people stating that the reason why he does not identify as Thai is due to white supremacy!

when asked how he felt about being the first black winner of the Masters he said he wasn’t black. People were quite upset about that as it was seen as a historic victory over a sport that had excluded blacks from its clubs for decades

He's more Asian than he is black, numbers wise, and he's no more black than white. If people were upset that was their own affair.

@turnitonagain Why can’t a mixed race person call themselves mixed race? That is what they are. They aren’t just black or just white and don’t see why they shouldn’t acknowledge both sides of their heritage or cut out half of their heritage. I say this as a mum of mixed race kids who are very comfortable with who they are.

Wasn’t “mixed race” one of the fastest growing demographics in the last census? I hope all the angst around mixed people will get better in time.

[quote turnitonagain]@DTIsOnlyForNow who said he’s not allowed to do anything? Black people looking for a black role model didn’t find one in him and moved on. I doubt it keeps him up at night.

I have a hard time seeing a half black person refusing to identify as black as anything but the influence of white supremacy. They want to access white privilege because they have a white parent. Except their skin is dark and society views them as a person of colour. Seems to deeply enrage some mixed race people. A bit like OP.[/quote]
I have no desire to be white, but you are kind of showcasing why I'm not super keen on being called black either.

I don't owe anybody any "allegiance" based on the colour of my skin. I do not. I am a person, and I do not want my identity to become a tool to be used in somebody else's politics when it's convenient to them. That goes for you as well as for my white colleagues and friends.

[quote lovepickledlimes]@LloydColeandtheCoconuts that is good but what about the wider community not related to them? it's a lot more tricky with that[/quote]
Agreed. I was referring to a pp who wasn't accepted by both sides of her family due to her mixed heritage.

[quote turnitonagain]@Notjustblackandwhite when asked how he felt about being the first black winner of the Masters he said he wasn’t black. People were quite upset about that as it was seen as a historic victory over a sport that had excluded blacks from its clubs for decades.

Irony being when the police got involved in the car crash after his wife attacked him, he was described in the police report as “black.”[/quote]
This is exactly the logic that results in people not being able to understand why the OP doesn't call herself black or at least accept that others think of her that way.

My experience is that black people (especially women) don’t accept mixed race people as black that’s my experience anyway so when people are telling you you are black yet black people wont accept you as black then what? I had a lot of racism towards me by black people Growing up.

@Givemeabreak88

My experience is that black people (especially women) don’t accept mixed race people as black that’s my experience anyway so when people are telling you you are black yet black people wont accept you as black then what? I had a lot of racism towards me by black people Growing up.

Yeah yeah black women are the devil abusing poor mixed race people.

The racism in this thread is unreal. Seems black people are the villains in society! My history books missed a few pages I guess.

As for Tiger he can identify as he chooses. So can OP. Who cares?

The issue is if you present as BAME or black society views you differently. It’s not because they’re horrible, it’s because they have made an assumption. Correct the assumption as needed and move on. What’s with all the angst?

As said many times I’m BAME with mixed DCs and a mixed DH. We don’t have these issues in our family. So maybe it’s down to how people are raised to appreciate their heritages and cultures and not feel that someone calling them black negates the rest of their DNA. It’s navel gazing at its worst.

@Givemeabreak88

My experience is that black people (especially women) don’t accept mixed race people as black that’s my experience anyway so when people are telling you you are black yet black people wont accept you as black then what? I had a lot of racism towards me by black people Growing up.

I'm sorry you experienced that Givemeabreak88 I'm a black woman and I refer to my children as black despite them being mixed race. Just because their skin colour is a lot closer to mine than their dad's. I may be wrong doing this. I think it's about preparing them for the wider world who may see them as black and to prepare them for what that might mean to them. Both negatively and positively. That said they may not identify with the word black when they're older and that's their choice.

turnitonagain

Lots of Mixed race people have had similar experiences though so are we all just making it up?? I was told by black women that I was “begging black” referred to as “the Turkish girl” despite them knowing full well I was mixed race, accused of stealing black men, called yellow, half caste etc, probably one of the reasons why I now identify as white due to how I was treated.

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts my white blonde friend is now trying to expose her mixed DCs to positive images of black people. She raised them “colour blind” and was shocked when the older one started school and was called dark with ugly hair by white classmates. And the kids asking why don’t they have nice hair like Mummy.

I’m really struggling with this thread making out that teaching part black children to understand they are seen as black is horrible and negating their white heritage.

I'm certainly not attempting to negate their white heritage at all. I just haven't discussed in this thread how it is addressed. All I can hope is that my kids get prepared to what life may throw at them by the positive input by both mine and DP's families. Ridiculously idealistic but that's all we can do.