Sick of being told I'm black

[Notjustblackandwhite]

Just this really. On Friday a white friend asked me what I thought of racism in the UK as a black person. I'm mixed race, I'm not black. My mum is white and my father is black Brazilian, but it doesn't seem to matter and I frequently get called black ''for ease'', by white people.

I have nothing against the ''black'' part of my heritage, but I'm at most one or two shades darker than Meghan Markle, and I feel as though an identity is being forced upon me, similarly to how your name might get changed because x and y have decided that your name is too "ethnic" to pronounce. I'm getting more and more worked up over this, and recently someone decided to tell me that I was being racist for being dismissive of being black.

AIBU to think that is really grating and makes me want to punch people sometimes (metaphorically of course)?

I do sympathise OP.

I suspect many of us have experienced being asked for, or expected to offer a view 'as a woman'.

I recall a man saying to me 'Margaret Thatcher says this and she's a woman', as if that meant I would or should naturally agree with her.

Because all women think the same. Because we are one entity.

Because men are people and women are just women. A passive class of automata who exist as quasi individuals only in relation to the preferences and characteristics of individual men, as their support acts.

It is no surprise at all that many white men still consider themselves to be the only true people, while all 'non white men' are lumped together as grouped others; non-men, non-whites etc.

Or that many white women would join in with that, to make themselves feel accepted and important.

If OP has light brown skin as described then she isn't black

Not disagreeing with your point but black people are not just charcoal (black) they come in a range of brown skin tones. I just didn't understand your point above.

I think in that case what they might want you to say is that actually you haven't experienced much racism etc everything is tickety boo. Then they can explain to other friends that "this black friend I have says..."

Reading some of the posts on here from POC, even they have mixed opinion on what they would class themselves as, so how are others supposed to get it right??

@Livelovebehappy

Reading some of the posts on here from POC, even they have mixed opinion on what they would class themselves as, so how are others supposed to get it right??

By taking notice of how the person defines themselves for a start

Wow Livelovebehappy

Reading some of the posts on here from POC, even they have mixed opinion on what they would class themselves as, so how are others supposed to get it right??

Why won't they just put themselves in nice, neat, labelled boxes for your ease of interaction?

People wanting to be treated as individual people, with their own life experiences and opinions? To be included in conversations, listened to, have people get to know them. Inconsiderate bastards!

What box may we consider you to live within and define all your life experience in terms of, without bothering to listen to anything you ever say?

I’m mixed race OP and already some of these responses are grating on me. I’m mixed Asian/white but look vaguely Mediterranean. I think it’s particularly hard for mixed white/black people as some identify strongly with their black heritage and others might feel this excludes the white part but this is going to vary hugely on the person/upbringing/experiences. It’s a minefield.

But the issue isn’t that OP is defining herself as mixed race. It’s that she’s upset other people are viewing her as black. I struggle to understand why she’s upset by that unless she somehow sees being viewed as black as somehow bad.

I have mixed race DH and DCs and this is not an issue in our family but that’s because all of our heritages are embraced and affirmed. If someone hit one of the three or so main ethnicities based on appearance it would be taken without any offense.

I completely understand OP. My Dad is from Ghana and my mums English. I've had people ask which I see myself more as , black or white, and say I can't be both at the same time.

White people sometimes see me as black or "exotic" as I was once told I was.

Black people sometimes see me as white as I'm quite pale, and struggle to believe I'm mixed race sometimes.

It was worse as a child. I was the only mixed race child in my class in primary, and adults would approach me and my mum , and randomly start touching my hair and talking above me to mum about its texture, sometimes with barely a hello in my direction.

It used to make me feel like I didn't fit in or wasn't equal to others when I was younger, and frustrate me.

What she's upset about seems to be people expecting her to act as a spokesperson for 'the blacks'.

I don't find it the least bit difficult to understand why she (and anyone) would find that annoying, upsetting and enraging.

The problem is the desire to enclose other people in neat boxes which define their otherness. Then to treat those boxes as objects.

Bog standard racism.

@Sunflowerlover20

I have a mixed race child that often gets called black, when this happens the person is corrected before they have finished their sentence, it angers me and my child is now getting equally angry about it.

We have mixed race friends and they also pull anyone up if they are called black they are mixed race.

By saying you are one race or the other when you are mixed race is cutting out half your heritage.

This!

My kids are mixed, but identify as black. White DH doesn't feel "cut out", why would he?

This is why I don't like racial divisions. We are one people of humans, all out of Africa originally and yet so often we just seem to want to divide people between black and white, old and young, Brexit/Remain etc etc. The world is not black and white. It is a mixture of things.

People are perhaps being asked too often what they are and having to confine themselves to a little tick box rather than not being asked and the colour or group being irrelevant. I identify as a human being.

YANBU OP. No one should assign you a race, esp in the case of a mixed race person, they should ask you. I didn't even realise that MM was mixed race, it really wasn't obvious to me During BLM I was really trying to "do the work" and reading up loads and it seems the black community are even divided on whether a mixed race black/white person can be considered black or not. Totally up to you OP.

Maybe because “POC” aren’t just one massive monolith and we all have different viewpoints? I know, imagine that .
In this case, the OP is talking about people she knows, not strangers.

That was a response to @Livelovebehappy

I totally agree with the post, My kids are bi racial, or whatever the current buzz word is. Why should half their heritage be wiped out because some one is too ignorant to ask.
Also why would someone non white be seen as black- Would people accept non black ppl be automatically seen as white?
I understand that some ppl don't really mind or that they themselves think they are one and not both, and that's their choice, but at the end of the day its not correct and no one has the right to assume, especially in this day and age where relationships have all sorts of mixes.

One-drop rule

“The one-drop rule is a social and legal principle of racial classification that was historically prominent in the United States in the 20th century. It asserted that any person with even one ancestor of black ancestry is considered black.“

Perhaps the above influences people?

Why do people have to be either black or white? Most of us have some sort of mixed heritage one way or the other.

OP. I never understood why for example Obama was lauded for being the first black president when he is actually mixed race

Because he considers himself to be black, as do most of the world?

You can be mixed race and consider yourself to be black, and you can be mixed race and consider yourself not to be black.

Also, you can be mixed race and not have any "black" in you at all.

Bloody hell, don’t you know you have to find a Box to fit in these days and match all the stereotypes on that box -it’s called diversity. Being an individual seems to have become too confusing for the masses!

@Livelovebehappy

Reading some of the posts on here from POC, even they have mixed opinion on what they would class themselves as, so how are others supposed to get it right??

I'm guessing people don't apologise when op corrects them and then retain the information or bother to ask

Haven't read all comments but OP you're the kind of person I like. Every mixed race person I've known as referred to themselves as black and almost disregarded the white half of themselves and I've never understood it. It is nice to see someone embracing both. You're not being racist for wanting to be referred to as you are which is mixed race x

Yes, I can relate to this so much, I am mixed race my dad is from St Lucia, my mum is white. I was born with blonde hair and green eyes and my skin is white, I don’t look mixed at all even my kids call me white and don’t believe I am mixed race 😂 I hate when mixed race people are called black as ime growing up I was never accepted as black by black people. So I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, I class myself as white and that’s how Identify myself because that’s what I see when I look in the mirror. I’m not ashamed of my black side but I never felt like I fit in there and like I said growing up in SE London black people made it clear to me I wasn’t accepted as black. My children’s father is black and I refer to them still as mixed race as they look like standard mixed race children despite only being 1/4 white.