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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider reporting this child

173 replies

Floradoras · 18/10/2020 13:51

There's a boy who live on the next street. 10-13sh In age. When you walk past him he always lies. Follows you telling stories. Which is fine no issues. You just have to keep walking away.

Last year he told me my address and that he knew I had a skip. I had never seen him outside my house when I've been outside so be must have been watching me from the corner one day. But again no problem shrugged it off.

Two months ago I'm walking with my toddler and 4 year old and my friend and her son. He follows us up the road pointing a gun. He says don't worry it's not real and opens it and starts pointing at some orange plastic things or possibly foam inside. I felt like saying to him that our kids are too young to have pretend guns pointing at them and perhaps he shouldn't be approaching people with it. But I didn't. We managed to keep walking away from him. Although he followed us.

This last two weeks my neighbours have had their garage worked on. So they had stuff sat in their front garden including two bikes. He asked them if he could have them. They told him no. Last weekend I was ironing and saw out my bedroom window him and his friend were in their garden. The neighbours were out. He was picking up the bricks from the pile. Bashing on the door. Climbing up the door to peak in the top window on the door. Banging on the windows and shouting open up for godsake. Then he told his friend they never fucking answer. He's been back three times this week bashing and shouting.

My parents have been around this morning. I was helping my dad put stuff in the car. He was circling the bottom of my drive near the road on his bike. The way he was looking at My dad's head (nearly 70) made me feel really uneasy. I felt like he was considering punching him or something. He had a really nasty look and was riding about a foot to my dad's back. I kept watching him and then he went onto my neighbours new slabs that I know are not safe yet. I said should you be riding your bike on their new drive. He said to me I just want to know if I can have their bikes. I did a nod and said bye to my parents. Went back inside. I watched him punching their door. Shouting through their letterbox. Ringing the bell and knocking on the windows.

I messaged my neighbour to check they are ok and aware. She said they are aware and ignoring him because they don't have the energy for him.she informed me he has been in the garage too!!

I just don't know whether to report him or just keep out of it.

Would this concern you? I know to an extent he is just being a mischievous child. He may have something such as autism and you just never know why someone acts how they do. I'm just genuinely worried he's going to start becoming intimidating and more consistent with harrassing people.

If you do report these things. Who do you go to? Or is this literally nothing in your eyes? He makes me feel very uneasy and like he is capable of being quite nasty based on his persistent approach and swearing and having no respect for adults.

OP posts:
bottleofbeer · 19/10/2020 22:23

Ffs, this isn't normal behaviour. Maybe he is ASD, stop getting your knickers in a twist, it presents differently in almost all people on the spec.

He sounds neglected. He also sounds like he has anti social personality disorder.

Find out where he lives and put in an anonymous call to social services who can assess him and get him (we can hope) the help he needs.

This behaviour does not fall within the boundaries of normal.

MoonJelly · 19/10/2020 22:50

Nobody "is" ASD. It stands for autism spectrum disorder, you can't be a disorder. If anything, people have ASD.

JalapenoDave · 19/10/2020 22:51

To be honest OP this kid just sounds like a little shit. Keep a log of incidents and report him to the coppers if he displays any more intimidating behaviour.

justilou1 · 19/10/2020 22:52

I can’t help thinking about this kid. He sounds angry at the world. I believe that you are observant enough to express that there is something definitely extra-menacing and obsessive about this kid. It is not normal for kids of that age to be hanging around people your age like that. Of course he shouldn’t be harassing your neighbours and he shows no sign of disappearing. The bikes have gone and he seems obsessively attached to them. I wouldn’t be surprised if he now has formed a vendetta against your neighbours because they refused to give him their bikes. What if he sees something of yours that he wants? What kind of adult is this person going to grow into? What kind of adult is he around now? I would DEFINITELY be calling the police and social services. I suspect one of the reasons he has so much time on his hands is because he doesn’t go to school. I wouldn’t be surprised if SS are unfamiliar with this kid. I do think you should video him harassing your neighbours if you can as they are vulnerable, and bullies are good at picking their targets, no matter their age.

Ablackrussian · 19/10/2020 22:55

Just report it. If your instinct is wrong, so be it.

bottleofbeer · 19/10/2020 22:55

Semantics

JudyGemstone · 20/10/2020 07:06

It's not possible for a child to be dx with a personality disorder, their personality hasn't formed properly at that age and it's rare to get a dx until early 20s, although sometimes they use the term 'emerging traits' in adolescence.

Conduct disorder can be dx in childhood and is often a precursor for ASPD.

Flamingolingo · 20/10/2020 07:20

Another vote for reporting him somehow (101 would be a good start, or SS). It sounds a lot like he might not be getting his needs met at home. Have you seen his parents? What are they like? Some of the more troubled kids at my school just had really chaotic home lives with all sorts of drug and alcohol issues at home. ASD could be a factor in his lack of understanding of boundaries, but ASD does not make you rude/destructive. And most parents of kids with ASD (I am one) tend to wrap them up a bit more from the outside world, not unleash them. So even if there are SEN present, it’s likely to be the home situation that’s the issue. But again that’s not easily fixed.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 20/10/2020 09:38

I also wonder what people think the harm of reporting him would be. The police aren't going to throw him in jail and social services aren't going to take him from his home on the basis of one phone call from a neighbour. If you give an honest description of what he's been doing the authorities can then decide whether it's worth pursuing and if so they'll obvious in the first place just go round to his house and have a word with him and his family.

bottleofbeer · 20/10/2020 10:53

Psychopathy is called ASPD in the DSM and it is it something you're born with (primary, anyway) so although they might not get a dx, it doesn't necessarily follow that they can't possibly have a personality disorder.

JudyGemstone · 20/10/2020 13:08

That's not true - psychopathy is not the same as ASPD, similar but not the same.

Floradoras · 20/10/2020 14:19

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. I've seen the door number today and I will contact SS.

I have been told in the past the police have been outside his home and ive heard rumours which I won't write about his father. My partner also saw police outside his home a couple of years ago.

His sister seems quite sweet she has also looked at my children as babies and had a gentle approach.

I do have a feeling he would bully and scare younger children. At best he will be encouraging other kids to make bad choices. For example the child he brought with him once whilst he bashed on the door.

I don't know any real facts about his home life but I know bad behaviour when I see it.

I won't say anything about how he behaved around my dad. Because ultimately the concern is shouting abuse at adults because he can't take things.

I appreciate all the replies.

Some people on here will always find a way to make the concerned person the bad guy. Sometimes kids these days get away with far too much due people forever making excuses and the police etc being the ones having to be careful not to make people cross. Things have gone to soft. You only have to look at the awful behaviour from some young people.

OP posts:
blubberball · 20/10/2020 14:30

Hope it gets sorted OP. Sounds pretty worrying.

MoonJelly · 20/10/2020 16:32

Things have gone to soft. You only have to look at the awful behaviour from some young people.

That has been the cry of some members of older generations since the dawn of time. Were the olden days when the Moors Murderers were busy and the Richardsons and the Kray twins were running rife really such a golden age?

Floradoras · 20/10/2020 16:45

Gangsters have always been a thing.

But kids are becoming more and more violent. They have no respect for teachers, police or other adults. Thankfully a massive chunk of children do. But all you have to do is look at all the posts on Facebook.

How often is an innocent person battered for walking home and just being kicked about by a group of strangers who decided to hurt them.

Knife crime is horrendous
Drugs.
Social media and online bullying
Theft. Every day bikes are robbed where I live. My street is actually quiet and we don't get any trouble. But the town in itself is full of crime these days. It really is.

I think every generation has trouble. But the tables have massively turned now and the police are too scared to do anything

OP posts:
Floradoras · 20/10/2020 16:48

Also Ronnie kray was mentally ill. His brother was more in control but he ended up in a mental hospital....

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 20/10/2020 17:53

Let us know how you get on OP.

Wimbledon1983 · 20/10/2020 17:57

I would say social services is better than the police personally

bottleofbeer · 20/10/2020 23:28

Psychopathy IS ASPD in the DSM!

JudyGemstone · 21/10/2020 07:11

No it isn't! Honestly psychopathy snd ASPD are different things!

I work in MH

bottleofbeer · 22/10/2020 21:23

And you're absolutely certain that I don't, Judy?

Porcupineinwaiting · 23/10/2020 07:42

Kids are becoming more and more violent

They're really not. Way more violence from children (well boys anyway) was tolerated, even expected, 50 years ago than it is today.

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