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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider reporting this child

173 replies

Floradoras · 18/10/2020 13:51

There's a boy who live on the next street. 10-13sh In age. When you walk past him he always lies. Follows you telling stories. Which is fine no issues. You just have to keep walking away.

Last year he told me my address and that he knew I had a skip. I had never seen him outside my house when I've been outside so be must have been watching me from the corner one day. But again no problem shrugged it off.

Two months ago I'm walking with my toddler and 4 year old and my friend and her son. He follows us up the road pointing a gun. He says don't worry it's not real and opens it and starts pointing at some orange plastic things or possibly foam inside. I felt like saying to him that our kids are too young to have pretend guns pointing at them and perhaps he shouldn't be approaching people with it. But I didn't. We managed to keep walking away from him. Although he followed us.

This last two weeks my neighbours have had their garage worked on. So they had stuff sat in their front garden including two bikes. He asked them if he could have them. They told him no. Last weekend I was ironing and saw out my bedroom window him and his friend were in their garden. The neighbours were out. He was picking up the bricks from the pile. Bashing on the door. Climbing up the door to peak in the top window on the door. Banging on the windows and shouting open up for godsake. Then he told his friend they never fucking answer. He's been back three times this week bashing and shouting.

My parents have been around this morning. I was helping my dad put stuff in the car. He was circling the bottom of my drive near the road on his bike. The way he was looking at My dad's head (nearly 70) made me feel really uneasy. I felt like he was considering punching him or something. He had a really nasty look and was riding about a foot to my dad's back. I kept watching him and then he went onto my neighbours new slabs that I know are not safe yet. I said should you be riding your bike on their new drive. He said to me I just want to know if I can have their bikes. I did a nod and said bye to my parents. Went back inside. I watched him punching their door. Shouting through their letterbox. Ringing the bell and knocking on the windows.

I messaged my neighbour to check they are ok and aware. She said they are aware and ignoring him because they don't have the energy for him.she informed me he has been in the garage too!!

I just don't know whether to report him or just keep out of it.

Would this concern you? I know to an extent he is just being a mischievous child. He may have something such as autism and you just never know why someone acts how they do. I'm just genuinely worried he's going to start becoming intimidating and more consistent with harrassing people.

If you do report these things. Who do you go to? Or is this literally nothing in your eyes? He makes me feel very uneasy and like he is capable of being quite nasty based on his persistent approach and swearing and having no respect for adults.

OP posts:
MoonJelly · 18/10/2020 14:15

Do you know why your neighbours aren't reporting him? They re the one being harassed.

DolphinsAndNemesis · 18/10/2020 14:15

The neighbours are aware and have chosen to ignore him. I don’t really know what you would report. That you had a feeling the child was considering punching your dad? Presumably you’re not a mind reader, and your speculation is a bit of a bizarre leap.

Are you concerned for the child’s welfare in some way?

june2007 · 18/10/2020 14:18

I worry for this child. What adult guidance does he have. May be worth contacting Social services if you knew where he lived as I think his welfare is at rik. I knew a 12 year old who was a bit of a brat like this getting involved in crime. If that child wasn,t home by a certain time he would be locked out for the night at 12.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/10/2020 14:18

It’s definitely worth reporting on 101 or your local social services number for concerns about children. You don’t know what else is going on behind the scenes and it could be that his school have already got concerns but there isn’t enough evidence to trigger support for him and his family yet.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2020 14:18

Do not film him. He is a child and this could land you in trouble.

In trouble with who?

Shinyletsbebadguys · 18/10/2020 14:19

I would say if he is autistic then if he is behaving like this repeatedly and there is noone keeping an eye on him then possibly the parents need some support. I say that as a parent of an ASD child and honestly whilst ds1 may not understand boundaries all the time no way would he be out alone as often as that , the fact this boy is needs reporting for several reasons

It must be having an impact on the neighbours
Clearly by using the brick on the door his understanding , for whatever reason , of the risk of damage is off.

I guess what I am saying is even if there is some form of learning need he cannot continue like this. It is possible his DP are struggling and need some support. It's also possible that he has no learning need and his behaviour is also unacceptable.

Report , i understand my ds1 behaviour but one of the big things we work so heavily on is that he still has to function in a community , if he wasn't and doing this then i guarantee you i would need some help. So either way report.

Funnyface1 · 18/10/2020 14:20

Have they moved the bikes? I definitely wouldn't leave anything outside. I would also try 101.

Floradoras · 18/10/2020 14:22

Neighbours have ME and chronic fatigue so they are really exhausted and struggle alot to function. I think they should report them though as they have young children themselves and surely don't want him scaring their children.

I won't film him don't worry. But I'll conract 101 tomorrow and make them aware. He's got a really bad vibe and I worry that if children come across him when they are playing out he could be quite unpleasant. You just get that feeling in your gut don't you. Very odd to be shouting abuse and expecting them to open the door and then go politely ask for the bikes again.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/10/2020 14:24

I think you should film the anti social behaviour as the police may well want the evidence.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 18/10/2020 14:24

Janeway's at a kid wielding a nerf gun ? Hmm

PlanDeRaccordement · 18/10/2020 14:25

I would not report this child. It seems everyone ignores him. OP, neighbours and that is causing him to engage in attention seeking behaviours. He’s not stolen anything, he’s not broken anything, he’s not done anything illegal, at all. He even was empathetic and made sure you knew his toy gun was a toy so you wouldn’t be frightened.
Why not just have a conversation with this child instead of ignoring him and thinking the worst?

Floradoras · 18/10/2020 14:25

Bikes are gone. They got rid. They were motorbikes so he wasn't old enough anyway. He's been inside the garage that still has a wall missing. But it's currently just empty apart from builders slabs etc.

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 18/10/2020 14:25

I’d stop engaging with him. Don’t talk to him again but yes maybe reporting isn’t an awful thing to do, in the meantime don’t like your children play out unsupervised.

LaBellina · 18/10/2020 14:25

I would definetly be contacting social services / police about him.

He sounds like a boy from my old neighbourhood, dad absent, mum had a drinking problem, couldn't keep him under control, so from a problematic home.

Was always out in the neighbourhood as his mum kicked him out as soon nearly as he woke up. His bad behavior started with vandalizing garden furniture in his neighbour's garden during their holiday (he was about 10 at that time) and before he was 18, already locked up in juvenile detention for worse crimes. Social services had stepped in when he was a bit older then when he just started to misbehave but appearently sadly after he point of no return.

The earlier they intervene in such fases, the better I think and the boy from your neighbourhood sounds like he might end up the same way if nobody helps him.

Mymycherrypie · 18/10/2020 14:25

I grew up on a council estate and there were often boys like this outside. I wouldn’t hesitate to call someone and I wish my mother had.

I know since we grew up that two of them have been in the national press, one for a hate crime, one for a murder.

CluelessWriter · 18/10/2020 14:26

I would absolutely report to social services as well tbh. It sounds like this child isn't getting anywhere near the level of adult input he needs.

Floradoras · 18/10/2020 14:28

Yes I do tend to keep walking. I just thought he would give up if an adult asked him what he was doing.

My children are only 4 and 2 so they won't be going out for years. But I must admit I fear he could hurt kids. It's a horrible feeling I have. Last year when he looked in my sons pushchair I felt uncomfortable. Like he was eyeing him up more than just thinking theres a little baby.

Question is who's best to tell. Police or social workers?

OP posts:
loutypips · 18/10/2020 14:31

Social services.

june2007 · 18/10/2020 14:31

Socail workers if you feel that he is not getting supervision, you feel he could get drawn into crime but has not done any.

popcornlover · 18/10/2020 14:32

OP you didn’t word anything wrong, you were trying to be sensitive to the boy just in case. Some people on here want an argument, or they are offended because something is too close for comfort to their own failings for them to process objectively. Kids can have autism and be be angels, and also be evil, see Jonty Bravery for one, not to mention those not in the public eye that I have had the misfortune to meet. You are right to be wary whatever the case may be.

LaBellina · 18/10/2020 14:33

Why not both ?

If one of them doesn't follow up, the other might still step in.

Also, harrassment is criminal behavior plus he is a minor who clearly needs help that police can't offer him. At least not directly.
I say they probably both should be Involved.

Scweltish · 18/10/2020 14:34

Am I missing something here? What exactly are you going to report him for? Playing in the street? Asking your neighbours for their old bikes? Pointing a toy gun at you? Looking at your dad with a nasty expression? Don’t get me wrong, he sounds an unpleasant kid, but there’s nothing here to notify the police or social services about.

Strawberryplum · 18/10/2020 14:35

We were being harassed by our 10 year old neighbour and yes he is autistic. I had to get the police involved as the mum was doing nothing to help sort the problem. He was shouting at our family, standing staring into my living room, giving the fingers. Horrible time that was. We were ready to sell the house. Told stories to the police about us. Luckily the police believed us. All calmed down now.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 18/10/2020 14:36

SC he sounds more vulnerable than unpleasant to me tbh.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2020 14:37

Last year when he looked in my sons pushchair I felt uncomfortable. Like he was eyeing him up more than just thinking theres a little baby.

Oh good lord.

That and the way he 'looked at your dad's head', makes me think this child is making you really paranoid.

Your neighbours are perhaps a little less paranoid and maybe that's why they don't think they need to contact police?