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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

407 replies

Issania87 · 17/10/2020 19:41

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

OP posts:
TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 17/10/2020 21:21

She wasn't polite, but if your son is wandering around, eating unwashed fruits and vegetables, that's a problem. I'd have been annoyed, too, in her place. The fact that it happened twice in a short space of time makes it worse.

Original poster
Issania87 · 17/10/2020 21:22

@D00MGL00M

I know someone who works in a small fruit shop and he's complained a few times about parents leaving their small children to wander about while the parent selects their fruit. They'll bite an apple and put it back, and if he wants keeping an eye on the kids the parents wouldn't have a clue. He's often accused of looking at the kids like shit or treating them like they're gonna steal something.

My sister once popped a handful of penny chews in her gob when she was a toddler and one shopkeeper asked my Mother to empty by sister's mouth to pay for what she's taken. My Mum was furious until she started working in a different shop and realised how common it is for children to do this and saw the shopkeepers side and ever since won't buy any unwrapped edible items that you can't wash before eating like the mix and match buns in Tesco.

I think the shopkeeper was a bit harsh but I think you losing your temper was also unreasonable. Kids are fast and I don't think you're the worlds worst parent like some are making out but your one off eating a carrot and strawberry could be one of a few similar incidents that day and like MN always says, you never know what's going on in a strangers life.

£5 a punnet on the other hand isn't only unreasonable, it's criminal Grin

That is a fair view, thank you. At the time it didn't occur to me that me son might have been the latest in a long list of misbehaving children for her, but after what a few people have posted here I do think that I was too quick to be defensive to her.
OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/10/2020 21:22

Or maybe customers can’t have the decency to keep their own kids under control when shopping??

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/10/2020 21:23

"I know he shouldn't have done it, but it was just one strawberry and I have said that I will pay for it".

I know you didn't meant it like that, but that would have sounded quite passive-aggressive to me. It comes across as minimising her basic desire to keep her shop and stock clean, tidy and intact and then as if you've already gone above and beyond and are trying to shut down her valid concerns.

AibuTellMe · 17/10/2020 21:24

YABVU OP. Hope you paid for the extra strawberries he had touched. You need to watch your child better, sorry if that is harsh.

Didkdt · 17/10/2020 21:24

If you asked the shop keeper to tell her version of your visit it would probably be very different.
The truth is generally in the middle and if you don't think you could have done things differently then I repeat the truth is generally in the middle

Athrawes · 17/10/2020 21:25

She was rude but you were not in control of your child. He could have wandered out if the shop, rather than fingered the fruit. You need better control.

flaviaritt · 17/10/2020 21:27

yellow055

Still shouldn’t be happening, still rude. It’s not yours until you’ve paid for it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/10/2020 21:27

There’s nothing to be gained from getting the knock about such trivial things.

It's not a trivial thing when it's your business and numerous children do it every day, though - many of them with parents who will slap you down and tell you to stop being so trivial when you ask them to supervise them and pay for what they eat/damage.

SideAfries · 17/10/2020 21:32

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.

You don’t know this to be true though? You’re just excusing her attitude based on a hypothetical situation. Maybe this has never happened/happens infrequently and she just wasn’t a nice person.

I am not making assumptions, just going on what the OP has said & the shop keeper dealt with it badly IMO.

Cloudybean · 17/10/2020 21:32

Agree with PPs that you were likely just one of many with little ones who have been poking, picking, eating, touching stuff. All of those odd bits of fruit add up, but no doubt covid plays a part to in being more wary of children touching stuff.

stovetopespresso · 17/10/2020 21:33

fgds it was a cute incident
and an anecdote to use later in life dont give it a second thought

SideAfries · 17/10/2020 21:33

I remember my green grocer always giving me an apple for free when I went in with my mum Grin stopped me grabbing at stuff too I suppose! He was lovely...

GirlCrush · 17/10/2020 21:35

@yellow055

you praise the NHS

but then go on to say we should be handling customers belongings, going directly against covid safety for retailers!! which in turn puts more pressure on the NHS as retail workers are one of the highest groups for transmission rates.so nhs then have to treat them, and on it goes......hand sanitiser and masks is doing very little

dont you get it?

SamMil · 17/10/2020 21:35

Yes, she was rude.

We are human and we make mistakes. You took your eye off your toddler, which I'm sure most parent have at some point (maybe not judging by some replies?!). If you work in a public facing role, you have to accept that people are sometimes annoying. There is a way to point out to someone that they did something wrong. Saying "oh for god's sake" probably isn't the best way to do so.

Maybe she was having a bad day, or had something else going on. I'd probably try to forget about it and just buy my fruit & veg somewhere else in the future.

luckylavender · 17/10/2020 21:36

It must be incredibly stressful to work in retail currently & that's without having to supervise other people's children. I would have had a very short fuse too. And yet you're not in the wrong.

GirlCrush · 17/10/2020 21:37

@Redolent

government guidelines for covid safety is to minimise handling....retailers are doing there best to stick to these. Retail workers are one of the highest groups for contracting covid.....and they then pass it on.

yellow055 · 17/10/2020 21:37

@GirlCrush

No what I am saying is the shop assistant was frosty from the get go.. even before toddler had picked anything up.

He handled very minimal stock which OP paid for

So no of course I am not saying everyone should pick everything up.. but surely it wouldn't have been a hardship for the shop owner to see a mum with toddler who may get bored while she is scanning so maybe just to help you she could have bagged them for her ?!! Then the mum could have held toddler close or talked to them more .

LazyFace · 17/10/2020 21:38

Alrhough I agree in that OP should hvae paid more attention, the shopkeeper was still pretty rude. And all the posters sayi g Covid..... fuck sake... i watched a woman touching every sodding ginger in Sainsburys and then not buying any of them. She wasn't a toddler.

Lolwhat · 17/10/2020 21:40

This is on you, I would be annoyed too, I understand kids will be kids but if your son isn’t old enough to know not to touch things in shops he needs to be watched closer

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/10/2020 21:40

You don’t know this to be true though? You’re just excusing her attitude based on a hypothetical situation. Maybe this has never happened/happens infrequently and she just wasn’t a nice person.

No, that's true - I don't know which shop this was and I don't know the woman (or the OP), but I do know that retail workers are routinely treated shockingly and subjected to all kinds of outrageous behaviour from customers on a daily basis. She'd be an extremely lucky exception if she had escaped this herself until this incident....

GirlCrush · 17/10/2020 21:42

@LazyFace yes 'fucks sake' this is how its spreading

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 17/10/2020 21:43

I don't think she was rude, she was quite rightly pissed off and expressing it. Fair enough, the first time your son took a bite of produce, ok it can be excused as long as you act appropriately (apologise, pay for it and tell him not to do it again and stand him beside you to ensure he doesn't). But the second time? That's completely on you for allowing him to continue doing it and I don't blame her for being extremely pissed off.

yellow055 · 17/10/2020 21:43

I was in Waitrose with my little one. I was paying at the self service checkout . He was in my arms and accidentally pulled some gift cards that were on a little shelf level with him . I immediately starting picking them up and the lady who worked there came over and offered to help. I said no it's fine I'm so sorry and I picked them up all done dusted in seconds . She was waving smiling at little one . Pleasant exchange .

Would have been different if she would have been rude and looked down on us. I would have left flustered and feeling like a shit parent . It was an accident nothing more nothing less.

I shop there regularly and always have pleasant chat with the staff and my son will pick up the hand sanitiser whilst I quickly scan the items and bag and they just say are you going to gel your hands ? They treat him like a person not an inconvenience. Of course I am watching him still he is right next to me . Point being I feel welcomed in this shop and we are treated kindly . It makes a difference to your mental health just be kind and understanding please .

mathanxiety · 17/10/2020 21:43

Your child should be in a buggy in shops. He could hurt himself, pull a display down, run outside, run into someone else. Or he could eat items that have been handled by many other people, as you have seen yourself. None of this is ok.

How do you concentrate on shopping while also watching your DS trotting about?

How do you know that this particular shopkeeper hadn't had to handle half eaten strawberries deposited back into their punnets, or apples with a bite taken out of them, etc?