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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

407 replies

Issania87 · 17/10/2020 19:41

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

OP posts:
slashlover · 17/10/2020 21:44

I used to work in a supermarket and kids used to pick up everything, constantly because parents weren't watching them. To you it's a carrot and a strawberry, to the shop assistant it's the tenth or twelfth or fifteenth time it's happened that day. I lost count of the number of parents who refused to pay for the magazine their kid had ripped or the packet of sweets their kid had opened.

Currently work in charity retail and I spend more time than I'd like picking toys off of the floor and trying to find parts lost/broken because people let their kids touch EVERYTHING and then leave them everywhere.

Ohtherewearethen · 17/10/2020 21:45

You are very unreasonable. To you, it was just your son exploring and trying things out, etc, but this is this person's business. It is just a 'cute' thing to tell your friends in faux horror that your son nibbled and carrot and ate a strawberry but in actual fact, he made over £5 worth of stock unsellable for this greengrocer. You offering to pay for it was of course the only correct thing to do but by claiming that you paid for it so what's the problem does come across as rather entitled, as though your son can behave how he wants as long as you pay for the damage afterwards. That's not really solving the problem. I'm also inclined to think that you've added in the bit about her looking at you like 'poo' just to add a bit of gravitas to your story to be honest. You were in the wrong in not supervising your son closely enough in the shop. You should have just apologised and paid rather than lose your temper and claim it was just one strawberry. The greengrocer had every right to be annoyed that her stock was being diminished by an unsupervised toddler. You didn't. You were disrespectful to her and her business and are trying to make yourself feel better by posting about her (exaggerated) perceived rudeness on Mumsnet.

JenniferSantoro · 17/10/2020 21:46

She wasn’t rude, you should have had your kid under control. Your attitude with the shop assistant was poor at best.

ColleagueFromMars · 17/10/2020 21:47

She wasn't rude for no reason. She was rude because not only did you fail to prevent your son from touching and damaging her stock once, (in a covid world) you let it happen twice in quick succession - and both times she saw it happen and had to alert you to it. That was rather rude of you to put it mildly, and you shouldn't expect her to be polite when you were acting rudely to her.

Bit of an overreaction, don't you wash fruit and veg before you eat it?

Normally I'd rinse strawberries, which wouldn't kill covid and I wouldn't be cooking them. How would you wash strawberries to ensure they don't have covid on them? Genuine question.

yellow055 · 17/10/2020 21:50

@ColleagueFromMars but someone has picked those strawberries 🤣. Even if they have gloves on the gloves could have covid on.. you just have to wash or eat tinned if you are that concerned .. just remember to wipe your tin down 🤣

LolaSmiles · 17/10/2020 21:50

And all the posters sayi g Covid..... fuck sake... i watched a woman touching every sodding ginger in Sainsburys and then not buying any of them. She wasn't a toddler
Covid has made me realise that there's a substantial minority of adults who were never told to look using their eyes as children.

It's not rocket science to realise that just browsing does not mean touching every damn item in sight.

rosie1959 · 17/10/2020 21:54

I used to work in retail and if I had spoke to you in the same manner I would expect my P45
Customer service was top priority no matter what

Mella91 · 17/10/2020 21:56

People can be mean with their replies!

He was 2 years old - you are not being unreasonable. She was being a miserable cow. Everyone washes the fruit and veg they purchase once home.

Does no-one else have a 2 year old? How is OP supposed to bag her groceries, pay up and keep an eye and hand on DC at the same time.

Bahhhhhumbug · 17/10/2020 21:58

so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised
So you didn't immediately apologise at all, you had a go at her for being 'rude' first.
Also your child wasn't being naughty, he was being a two year old, an unsupervised one at that.
Has it not occurred to you what else he could've done/picked up/eaten in the time he chopped off top of a carrot (what with l daren't ask) and eaten a strawberry..... he could just as easily picked up something sharp or ran out or picked up and eaten something with a stone in it that was a choking hazard like a cherry, just one example.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/10/2020 21:59

How do you know that this particular shopkeeper hadn't had to handle half eaten strawberries deposited back into their punnets, or apples with a bite taken out of them, etc?

That's a very good point. You only need one or two customers to buy something and later discover teeth/bite marks and then, all of a sudden, you're all across SM, the local paper, visited by Environmental Health. Even if your business survives, you'll still be "that dirty little place with the serious rat problem - no way I'd trust anything I bought from there".

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/10/2020 22:02

He was 2 years old - you are not being unreasonable....

Absolutely nobody is blaming the child at all.

Does no-one else have a 2 year old? How is OP supposed to bag her groceries, pay up and keep an eye and hand on DC at the same time.

Pushchair or reins, for two suggestions.

Ohtherewearethen · 17/10/2020 22:07

yellow055

@GirlCrush

No what I am saying is the shop assistant was frosty from the get go.. even before toddler had picked anything up.

He handled very minimal stock which OP paid for

So no of course I am not saying everyone should pick everything up.. but surely it wouldn't have been a hardship for the shop owner to see a mum with toddler who may get bored while she is scanning so maybe just to help you she could have bagged them for her ?!! Then the mum could have held toddler close or talked to them more .

Ah right, so it's the shop keeper's fault that the OP wasn't stopping her child from touching/eating anything in sight that he fancied? Shop workers now have to recognise when customers are Very Important Mothers with Very Important Toddlers and have to do everything (even break covid guidelines) to make sure that these Mothers and their Toddlers have a positive shopping experience whereby The Mother gets to pass on the responsibility of watching her children on to shop workers, who need to be very understanding of The Mother's Very Important job of scanning fruit and veg which renders her utterly incapable of picking up a two year old who has previous for eating food in this shop while she pays for her shopping and gets cross about paying for the additional 'only one strawberry'. Good to know, I'm looking forward to my next shopping trip to a small independent shop so I can let my toddler damage over £5 worth of stock and then lose my temper and say they should have helped me rather than me actually supervising my Precious Toddler.

M0mmzee · 17/10/2020 22:07

YANBU.
Don’t worry. She was rude. You were doing the best you could under the circumstances. You paid for the carrot and offered to swap the punnet. If I was her I wouldn’t have let you do that, but would have accepted your apology. That would have been good business sense and you would have been more likely to return to give her more of your custom.
When my son was about the same age I was carrying him and talking to the woman in the fruit shop. What I didn’t realise was that he was picking up grapes from the shelf behind me and eating them. She could see what he was doing, laughed it off and wouldn’t hear of me paying for them.

Frdd · 17/10/2020 22:08

If you’re going to take him into a shop where there’s open fruit he can grab you need to be watching him like a hawk. Especially with Covid.

Just put him in the buggy next time.

CantBeAssed · 17/10/2020 22:08

The uproar that a 2year can cause such contamination to fresh fruit and veg🤣 i tend to keep in my head that there is a very high possibilty that the packer of such goods probably wiped their ass mid packing..it means i thoroughly wash my purchase before consumption..

HibiscusNell · 17/10/2020 22:09

🥕🍓

VivaMiltonKeynes · 17/10/2020 22:09

He shouldn't be touching and eating food in shops currently . You need to learn to contain him.

Elsewyre · 17/10/2020 22:09

I mean once the kid finds the roach/rat traps this problem of them eating things thinking shouldn't kind of solves itself.

So plus sides

murasaki · 17/10/2020 22:10

Control your brat.

nosswith · 17/10/2020 22:10

In this current pandemic YABU. The shopkeeper has probably had a number of people that day being unreasonable earlier which probably did not help their mood and they are human.

GirlCrush · 17/10/2020 22:12

@CantBeAssed well if he managed to touch 2 food items what else did he touch? op seemed unaware as she struggled to shop with her single toddler....couldnt pack her bag,couldnt stop child from touching, breaking and eating items....

CantBeAssed · 17/10/2020 22:13

@murasaki are you the shop keeperShock

GirlCrush · 17/10/2020 22:13

during early lockdown many shops put a ban on under 16's....wonder why?

IdkickJilliansass · 17/10/2020 22:15

@murasaki

Control your brat.
Control your mouth
SideAfries · 17/10/2020 22:17

2 year old boy eats a strawberry... Now being called a brat by an anonymous probably angry in general woman on the internet. I despair.