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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

407 replies

Issania87 · 17/10/2020 19:41

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

OP posts:
Butterflyqueen990 · 17/10/2020 23:58

This reply has been deleted

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edwardcullensotherwoman · 17/10/2020 23:59

It was rude of her to mutter under her breath, she could have just asked you to stop your son touching the produce.
However I'm more concerned with the fact that you allowed your son to eat unwashed, exposed food, when you don't know who's touched it before him. This would have been a concern for me pre-Covid, but even more so now.

Wearywithteens · 18/10/2020 00:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

12309845653ghydrvj · 18/10/2020 00:08

@Butterflyqueen990 I don’t find my groceries being covered in somebody’s child’s slober endearing, even less so during a pandemic. It’s gross.

Nobody is blaming the child, the child has no idea about the situation and is totally unaffected by what happened.

Why do you take issue with another poster saying “reign in your child’s impulses”? Yes the child is 2, still need to be reined in as other people don’t want to deal with those behaviours? You might find it endearing but a lot of other people don’t, and they don’t want to be subjected to it. Especially as there is now a public health reason why this needs to not be happening, and this can have a really significant impact on others.

eaglejulesk · 18/10/2020 00:10

She was rather rude, but you are also at fault OP - and tbh honest your reaction smacks of superiority to me, especially coming on MN to complain.

bruce43mydog · 18/10/2020 00:12

The shop assistant is letting the power of a pandemic control her mind she needs to be aware 2 year olds don't understand the world yet.

If it helps op I've had a shop assistant talk in a attitude today and I understand the constant attitude of some of them is making shopping a awful experience.

The ones with attitude need to get a grip. The works is awkward enough right now.

bruce43mydog · 18/10/2020 00:13

The world is awkward enough right now

Wearywithteens · 18/10/2020 00:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/10/2020 00:14

I had 2 who you couldn’t take your eyes off for a second otherwise they would have been out the door and onto the road.
The Jamie Bulger murder was only a few years before so I was doubly conscious of where my dc were.

Whilst these sort of things happen and it is part of having children I do think you need to keep a closer eye on what he is up to

Next time he might grab a grape that goes down the wrong hole.

Reins were my saviour. I had 2 who were close in age and encouraged one another to get up to all sorts

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2020 00:16

Do any of you know defenders know what has to happen if a food outlet is known to have been contaminated?

I am going to assume that a shop is the same as a restaurant, forgive me if I am wrong to do that, but all stock has to be binned. At the cost of the outlet. A deep clean, with a closure for however long that takes.

So it wasnt just a carrot and half a fucking strawberry, it was potentially their entire stock and takings for several days at least.

But hey, he's only two Hmm

Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:20

[quote 12309845653ghydrvj]@Butterflyqueen990 I don’t find my groceries being covered in somebody’s child’s slober endearing, even less so during a pandemic. It’s gross.

Nobody is blaming the child, the child has no idea about the situation and is totally unaffected by what happened.

Why do you take issue with another poster saying “reign in your child’s impulses”? Yes the child is 2, still need to be reined in as other people don’t want to deal with those behaviours? You might find it endearing but a lot of other people don’t, and they don’t want to be subjected to it. Especially as there is now a public health reason why this needs to not be happening, and this can have a really significant impact on others.[/quote]
Lol crikey you sound like such a dick. Please have a word with yourself about your general attitudes towards people. The op did everything she could to behave decently. I take issue with another poster saying reign your child's impulses cos it's a rude, patronising, dicky thing to say to a mother and is intended to make her feel like shit. Given that there is a public health issue going on, do you pay no mind to how your rudeness may affect people already going through a rubbish time? Hiding behind being worried about public health is rubbish and you know it, the op could've lost someone to the pandemic for all you know, her post doesn't have that much detail in it. Given that life is so short and it is highlighted in the current climate, would be nice if people like you could just be a bit kinder. I doubt you're perfectSmile

emilyfrost · 18/10/2020 00:22

The op did everything she could to behave decently.

Butterflyqueen990 No she didn’t; she wasn’t watching her child.

Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:22

@PyongyangKipperbang

Do any of you know defenders know what has to happen if a food outlet is known to have been contaminated?

I am going to assume that a shop is the same as a restaurant, forgive me if I am wrong to do that, but all stock has to be binned. At the cost of the outlet. A deep clean, with a closure for however long that takes.

So it wasnt just a carrot and half a fucking strawberry, it was potentially their entire stock and takings for several days at least.

But hey, he's only two Hmm

The shop wasn't contaminated? The op paid for both items and the shop keeper was aware of them being bitten & touched so could have discarded of them with no loss. You are hysterical and just being nasty for the sake of it
Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:24

@emilyfrost

The op did everything she could to behave decently.

Butterflyqueen990 No she didn’t; she wasn’t watching her child.

Another nasty one! She did do everything she could to behave decently, in the circumstances of what happened in this situation. Unless you have gone your entire life, perfectly engineering your every move in the public interest you have no right to have a dig at others. However, you have so I hope you feel better now
emilyfrost · 18/10/2020 00:28

Another nasty one! She did do everything she could to behave decently, in the circumstances of what happened in this situation

Butterflyqueen990 It’s not nasty to point out that OP should have been watching her child, and if she had been, this situation wouldn’t have occurred in the first place.

It’s irrelevant if someone is having a bad day or going through a rubbish time, that doesn’t absolve them from their parenting responsibilities, and if she can’t watch her child, he needs to be restrained.

mrsmrt1981 · 18/10/2020 00:28

[quote slashlover]@mrsmrt1981

Bah, that's no way to treat a customer. So he ate a strawberry, I wouldn't care. I always wash my fruit and veg anyway. Next time just skip the greengrocers and get your strawberries from Morrisons...

So if you bought a punnet of strawberries and one had a bite out of it or a carrot had teeth marks then you'd just think "I was it anyway" and be fine about it?[/quote]
I would dispose of the eaten one and continue washing the rest. What can I say... I’m not fussy.

Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:32

@emilyfrost

Another nasty one! She did do everything she could to behave decently, in the circumstances of what happened in this situation

Butterflyqueen990 It’s not nasty to point out that OP should have been watching her child, and if she had been, this situation wouldn’t have occurred in the first place.

It’s irrelevant if someone is having a bad day or going through a rubbish time, that doesn’t absolve them from their parenting responsibilities, and if she can’t watch her child, he needs to be restrained.

Honestly the responses on here are appalling and embarrassing. The fact you think it's irrelevant says it all really, many of you really show your true colours on anonymous internet forums & for a site that's built around female's connecting with and supporting each other I think a lot of you come on here to find someone looking for advice and actively seek to berate them. It is sad.
Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:34

@Wearywithteens

Butterflyqueen990 - so you’re happy if your 2 year goes to put their fingers in the plug socket or wants to touch a candle or run across a busy road? Yes - whatever you do, don’t be ‘horrible’ and limit those choices! Hmm
You sound unhinged. Highly recommend you read this thread and your posts out loud to your loved ones. When you hesitate to do so ask yourself why.
12309845653ghydrvj · 18/10/2020 00:36

@Butterflyqueen990 I’ve actually lost someone to the pandemic, which is a big part of the reason why I take this seriously and hope other people do too—I absolutely would not be chill about doing something that put others at risk.

It doesn’t sound to me like OP is particularly upset about how she was spoken to, more that she is outraged—and she says she got annoyed and had a bit of a go at the shop assistant—if she was upset by it all of course my answer would be different, I would say what’s done is done, be as careful as possible but move on.

Being understanding of someone having a bad time goes both ways—I don’t think you understand the pressure and stress that retail staff are under at the moment. They are being held responsible for protecting us all, clealry the shopkeeper thought OP was being actively careless and let slip her irritation

slashlover · 18/10/2020 00:38

Honestly the responses on here are appalling and embarrassing. The fact you think it's irrelevant says it all really, many of you really show your true colours on anonymous internet forums & for a site that's built around female's connecting with and supporting each other I think a lot of you come on here to find someone looking for advice and actively seek to berate them. It is sad.

Where does it say that's what the site is built around?

Maybe the shop assistant was having a bad day or going through a rubbish time worried about her job/business and customers ruining stock?

emilyfrost · 18/10/2020 00:40

The fact you think it's irrelevant says it all really, many of you really show your true colours on anonymous internet forums & for a site that's built around female's connecting with and supporting each other I think a lot of you come on here to find someone looking for advice and actively seek to berate them. It is sad.

Butterflyqueen990 What a load of bollocks. You have no reasonable argument for defending why the OP doesn’t need to watch her child so the best you can come up with is basically “you’re all mean!”

LovePoppy · 18/10/2020 00:41

@12309845653ghydrvj
I don’t find my groceries being covered in somebody’s child’s slober endearing, even less so during a pandemic. It’s gross.

How would you know? Honestly?

This is why you should wash it

LovePoppy · 18/10/2020 00:43

@PyongyangKipperbang

Do any of you know defenders know what has to happen if a food outlet is known to have been contaminated?

I am going to assume that a shop is the same as a restaurant, forgive me if I am wrong to do that, but all stock has to be binned. At the cost of the outlet. A deep clean, with a closure for however long that takes.

So it wasnt just a carrot and half a fucking strawberry, it was potentially their entire stock and takings for several days at least.

But hey, he's only two Hmm

You know lots of “adults” do this shit too, right? Have to touch all fruit abs veg to get “the best” ones??

Or better yet, dig to the bottom to get the ones other people didn’t touch?

Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:45

@emilyfrost

The fact you think it's irrelevant says it all really, many of you really show your true colours on anonymous internet forums & for a site that's built around female's connecting with and supporting each other I think a lot of you come on here to find someone looking for advice and actively seek to berate them. It is sad.

Butterflyqueen990 What a load of bollocks. You have no reasonable argument for defending why the OP doesn’t need to watch her child so the best you can come up with is basically “you’re all mean!”

I have never said she doesn't need to watch her child? I said that on this occasion she didn't and acted decently given the circumstances. You are mean by the sounds of it and a bit of a bully
GirlCrush · 18/10/2020 00:48

I think it’s safe to say @Butterflyqueen990 has been told!