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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the shop owner was rude for no reason

407 replies

Issania87 · 17/10/2020 19:41

Hi all,

So I took my 2 year old out to the shops with me earlier, and as we were on the way back to the car we stopped at a greengrocer.

I picked some items and went to the till to pay with my son, and then as she was ringing up with items I heard her mutter rudely "oh great". I looked up and saw that my son had picked up a carrot and chopped the end off of it. I turned back to her and asked her to please add the carrot on to my bill, and she did so. I paid, and then as I was putting the items into my bag, I heard her say "oh for God's sake", and I turned and my son had taken a strawberry off a punnet and eaten it. I admit I did lose my temper a little because the whole time we had been in the store from the moment we walked in, she had looked at us like we were both pieces of poo on the floor, so I said to her that there was no need to be rude, and immediately apologised and offered to swap the punnet with the one I had purchased, and she basically told me that she wasn't being rude and I needed to watch my child. I said to her that I was watching my child I just had to pack my bag, and said it wasn't like he had done anything major, he had eaten one strawberry. She said to me that he can't just go around helping himself to food, and I said yes I realise that but he is only 2, to which she replied well he needs to be in a buggy then, my children would have been in a buggy at that age.

Now, I am by no means suggesting I dont realise that my son was naughty in what he did, because I do, and I have never had a problem with him in those kind of shops before or of course I would have taken a buggy with me, but AIBU by thinking that she completely overreacted and there was no reason to be so rude to me?

OP posts:
Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 00:53

@GirlCrush

I think it’s safe to say *@Butterflyqueen990* has been told!
I don't think I have lol. I think a majority of the posters on this particular thread are winding themselves up for no reason. I often ignore it on here but some of the responses were / are ridiculous and more than anything, it's the tone of the posters that's just hideous. It's always sooo superior and bitchy to the OP, like they get a sense of self importance from it.
Wearywithteens · 18/10/2020 00:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Waveysnail · 18/10/2020 01:02

Your 2 year old should be in a buggy or reins if you cant stop him touching the food in the shop.

Butterflyqueen990 · 18/10/2020 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BohemianDream · 18/10/2020 01:43

'Sensible lovely young adults.'Biscuit
No chance of OP's naughty little carrot-stawberry thief turning out so lovely, wee shit just does what it wants.
Mumsnet is mental.

Smallgoon · 18/10/2020 01:51

People in this thread need to get a grip.

She was incredibly rude. If it had been my shop, I'd have laughed at your cheeky son and allowed him to take the punnet without charge. But then again, I'm not a horrible witch

Smallgoon · 18/10/2020 01:57

@Gancanny

Allowing him to wander round and maul fruit and veg

Mauling? Grin The escalation on this thread is comedy gold.

Tell me about it. It does crack me up when I enter these threads and encounter a bunch of keyboard warriors, just sitting, waiting for the next issue to be outraged at. Get a life.
ifpossible · 18/10/2020 02:03

You may have taken responsibility for what your son did - fair enough. But dealing with the public was never easy and is even worse now. For all you know he could have been the 3rd child in the last 20 mins with a customer who behaved in a similar manner.

Smallgoon · 18/10/2020 02:09

@flaviaritt

she was friendly and welcoming to parent and toddler maybe you would pop by again and spend more , the fact she was unwelcoming from the get go looking at you like shit just means she has lost your money for future visits.

Again, the attitude that gets backs up. That the shop assistant should be grateful for people coming in and letting their kids run riot. Not really. Just watch your kids and everyone will probably get along better.

It appears that everything seems to get your 'back up' @flaviaritt

I imagine you're lots of fun at parties... Smile

Goosefoot · 18/10/2020 02:15

You were fine OP. Sometimes we think we know what our kids will do and then they hit a new stage and do something different than they've done before and we aren't quite prepared. You offered to pay for the items so it was no skin off her nose and no need to be rude.

Mittens030869 · 18/10/2020 02:32

I actually voted YANBU, not because I think the shop assistant was unjustified in being irritated, but because I remember only too well how stressful it can be going shopping with a toddler at that age. A buggy wouldn’t necessarily make any difference; I remember a couple of times when one of my DDs grabbed something, which I only realised after we’d left the shop and I went back inside the shop, completely red faced and wanting the ground to open up swallow me. In both instances, I apologised profusely and the shop assistants were very sympathetic. (They did actually know me, though.)

I used to do my best to do the shopping during nap time so I didn’t have to worry about this.

It sounds like the shop assistant was a bit rude, but it was the second time your DS had done it, so I can understand it.

AlternativePerspective · 18/10/2020 02:46

Ah, I see this is one of those threads. Has anyone said that the child will be stealing cars and in a young offenders institute by the time he’s sixteen yet? Hmm

OP TBH it may be that she reacted the way the she did because it’s a common occurrence for toddler to pick up and touch and even bite into the food in her shop. So while she may have overreacted, it’s possible that as soon as she saw you enter with a toddler her reaction was to think “oh god not again, what is he going to touch this time...”

If you’re one in ten such parents this week she may well have had enough, and it happens you got the brunt of it. This is after all her business, and she’s only human.

But make sure you take him in handcuffs next time, and inform the local police before you enter, just to be sure. Wink

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 18/10/2020 03:14

maybe you thought she was rude - she probably thought that your child should have been better behaved.
Bad enough that it happened once - but that he then goes and does exactly the same thing straight away?

Goosefoot · 18/10/2020 03:42

@givemewaffles

Has everyone missed the fact that the OP said she apologised and offered to pay, without being asked to? Bit confused as to why she is being accused of just letting her toddler run riot in a greengrocers.... things happen, toddlers are unpredictable and it's difficult sometimes when you're on your own. Half the time if you go in a shop with a buggy you can't fit down half the aisles or you're constantly in the way so you can't win either way! Don't worry OP. She was rude and some of the responses on this thread are absolutely ridiculous
It's very weird, it was quite clear that she offered to pay, so there was zero issue of contaminating anything.

And once you are packing the bag - which many places won't do for you because of the restrictions - how are you supposed to hold onto your kid who has decided, for the first time ever, to take it upon himself to try the produce at the counter? You can't pick him up and sit hm on it as things are at the moment.

seayork2020 · 18/10/2020 03:47

Once then have your child with you so the second time would not have happened.

Then you would have needed to ask us whether rude or not

mathanxiety · 18/10/2020 06:10

And once you are packing the bag - which many places won't do for you because of the restrictions - how are you supposed to hold onto your kid who has decided, for the first time ever, to take it upon himself to try the produce at the counter? You can't pick him up and sit hm on it as things are at the moment.

You put him in a buggy.

mathanxiety · 18/10/2020 06:20

You sound bloody horrible :s reign your child's impulses? He's two!

Two is the age when reining in impulses has to be started, consistently, kindly, but firmly.

flaviaritt · 18/10/2020 06:43

I imagine you're lots of fun at parties... smile

Hmm

No, not everything gets my back up. Sadly there is a lot of rude and entitled behaviour about, though, and that does tend to do the trick.

flaviaritt · 18/10/2020 06:44

If it had been my shop, I'd have laughed at your cheeky son and allowed him to take the punnet without charge. But then again I’m not a horrible witch.

And the next time it happened? And the time after that? And the time after that?

Lolaloveslemonade · 18/10/2020 06:53

I'm going to guess its because you didn't use your psychic powers to predict that your child was going to act in a way you could not have predicted.

I really don’t think you need to be psychic to predict that if you take a 2 year old into a shop full of food on open display they are going to try and eat some of it.

Save yourself getting ‘flustered’ in future OP and put your DS in the buggy.
I am not surprised the woman was irritated.

RaaRaaeee · 18/10/2020 06:56

I think she was grumpy. Well done her for ensuring you never go near her greengrocers again. You offered to

RaaRaaeee · 18/10/2020 06:58

I think she was grumpy. Well done her for ensuring you never go near her greengrocers again. You offered to pay don't give it any more thought.

seayork2020 · 18/10/2020 07:07

When ds was that age in shops he was either holding our hand, on wrist reins in the push chair or right next to us and not 'expressing himself by exploring' (as i have heard before, no not on here)

Cloudybean · 18/10/2020 07:45

if it had been my shop, I'd have laughed at your cheeky son and allowed him to take the punnet without charge. But then again I’m not a horrible witch.

Ah yes a witch for charging someone for goods they have eaten, aka someone with a business. You could get 20 toddlers in a day doing that, and when you have to think of making your money back rather than imagine some cozy little scene where you all laugh about the parent not keeping an eye on them and hand your stock over for free you're not going to be open for long. Those saying people aren't psychic, I don't think anyone needs a crystal ball to know a toddler is likely to do this.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 18/10/2020 07:53

@Butterflyqueen990

I absolutely agree with you. It's a well known phenomenon on MN. In this case I think the OP was maybe being slightly unreasonable. People could have politely made their point then left it. However it always turns into a massive pile in. Everybody making absolutely ridiculously OTT comments just to be spiteful. It's a really unpleasant bullying mentality that always develops on these threads. No one is actually trying to be constructive any more just kick the boot in for fun. The nice people always abandon the threads and leave the nasty posters to run riot.