Who is being unreasonable about our money situation and Christmas?

[IAm1]

Dp said today that we need to cut down on our spending.

This was said because a parcel arrived today. It was some Xmas presents for our dc. The parcel in total cost £35.

We do not have anything else we can cut back on. We don't go out and spend money on leisure . We have no hobbies. We spend nothing on ourselves. All money spent is just bills and food. We have reduced our weekly shop from £70 to £50-£60.

I said that our children should not go without at Xmas and £ 35 is not a lot to spend on 3 children.

He thinks it is a lot and basically said that they don't need any other presents. I'd like to think he was joking but I'm not sure.

I will spend more money on them. We can afford to spend a little each month without going into our savings.

Of course I want to save, but I don't see why I can't get our dc a few gifts without feeling guilty about it.

Who is being unreasonable?

It’s difficult to know without more context. Have you got a budget agreed between you and written down?

He is being unreasonable. If you can buy your kids Christmas presents without going into debt or using the food money, then of course you should. He sounds tight!

If you're well off enough to have savings then you are well off enough to buy a few Christmas presents. Has he always been so tight?

Not enough info really. How old are the DC? Do you have a budget to spend on them?

He sounds like a killjoy.

You haven't given enough information for us to say. If you're on the bones of your arse and you have literally nothing left over, that's different to your DH just not wanting to spend money.

YANBU, of course spend wisely if money is tight but if he seriously expects the DC to get nothing for Christmas, he is a turd.

If you can save surely your can afford Christmas? Not disgusting excess and pointless tat- but that would be true regardless of your wealth status. But enough for some thoughtful gifts, a decent meal, and a special season? If you are saving then you have enough for that. If you are spending instead of paying bills, he's right, but it doesn't sound like that's the case?

Your post is a bit contradictory.

You say "we do not have anything else we can cut back on" and "we can afford to spend a little each month". So which is it? How much do you have in savings (i.e. is it more than a fairly small emergency fund?)

Also, how old are the children? Whilst it might be nice to spend more on them, if you genuinely can't afford it, and particularly if they are very young, spending on Christmas presents may not be something you can do.

Dc are 4,6&8. He always acts like this around Christmas time. He can't stand spending money on non essentials.

Every year I look for the bargains so our dc can have presents but without spending much.

We do usually have some money left over. If I was to spend £35 each month on presents for dc ( oct, Nov) then we will still have a bit to put into saving.

You've got savings, so presumably you are not in the worst possible scenario, where your budget was cut right back and you still can't pay your bills, or are in lots of debt.

What are you saving for? Is it to have a cushion for disasters / emergencies when they happen, or for something special, or 'just because'? Is your husband one of those people who gets more satisfaction from knowing he has money in the bank than from spending?

Christmas is one time when I would break my usual rules to give my kids decent presents - not at a stupid level, but more than £35 between them. Even if it meant no other spending.

Your post is a bit contradictory.

You say "we do not have anything else we can cut back on" and "we can afford to spend a little each month". So which is it?

Dp wants us to cut back but there isn't anything to cut back on. We have money left over each month but dp wants more money left over.

Is your husband one of those people who gets more satisfaction from knowing he has money in the bank than from spending?

Absolutely!

It’s not just £35 now though is it? You’ve said you’d spend a further £35 in Nov too. Would that be it? Or does he know from experience that you’ll be picking up more bits?

£70 on 3 kids isn’t huge. But it’s huge if you can’t afford it.

So it depends for me on how much savings you actually have, and how much more you’re planning to spend.

I think you need to work out a budget together so that you both agree on how much money you have for mortgage/rent, food, household expenses, clothes, etc and Christmas, and how much you can put aside for savings. Perhaps you could increase your Christmas budget by eBaying some unwanted items.

I feel like we can afford it though. For example If I was to take £35 from our bank at the end of the month, we would still have money left over after all the bills had gone out.

Without knowing a lot more information - which I wouldn't expect you to share with us all - none of us can judge what the 'sensible' thing to do is. Nor do I think that this is a situation where either of you IBU. You just have different 'stances' on this question, so you need to discuss and come to some agreement.

However, whilst your dc are little, you can still find lots of things for them to unwrap and to have a lovely Christmas. You genuinely do not need to spend much money, and, IMO, would be silly to whilst money is tight .

How much out of your discretionary spends is it though? If you’re left with £350 a month between you, it’s not a lot to take. If it’s from £70, it is.

You say he’s always like this at Xmas. Some people just really detest the huge consumerism at Xmas, and despair at money spent on one day. £35 isn’t a huge amount on presents - but £70 (and you said you’d spend again in Nov) might be, depending on your overall budget.

This is actually really, really, really simple.

You both need to agree a budget for Christmas per child and per any other gifts you get. ( and also birthdays as well).

Then that amount is included in your household budget the same as any other bills etc

And the important thing is that you need to agree to the amount whether £20 or £200. Exactly the same as when deciding where to rent/buy you decide how much you can afford to spend between you.

And if circumstances change then you amend the household budget

I disagree that it’s simple! What do you do if one person says £35 is more than enough, and the other says at least £70? (which is the info we have here) Whose stance prevails?

Let me guess
You don’t work and he sees it as “his” money?

Do you work too op?

Just wondering if he's just a tight bastard or a financially abusive tight bastard.

£35 on gifts for kids when you can afford savings is such a meagre amount. Is he tight in other areas? Xx

What happens if you don’t agree?

You discuss like adults and come to a compromise.

They have three children- the how much to spend on Christmas conversation is hardly novel.

Most people understand their partner’s approach to Christmas and gifts very early on in a relationship

You say DP and not DH. Do you have access to the saving? Are they in your name as well as his?
If not then it's time that changed. You might want to get a savings account that is solely yours, to be on the safe side and have half the savings transferred to it.
Different attitudes towards money and children are a worrying sign in a relationship.

That wouldnt fly with me OP. Next you'll be telling us he doesn't bother with birthday/Christmas presents for you either.

Nothing worse than a tight arse. Ask him how he would feel if you split up and half those savings would be yours.