Who is being unreasonable about our money situation and Christmas?

[IAm1]

Dp said today that we need to cut down on our spending.

This was said because a parcel arrived today. It was some Xmas presents for our dc. The parcel in total cost £35.

We do not have anything else we can cut back on. We don't go out and spend money on leisure . We have no hobbies. We spend nothing on ourselves. All money spent is just bills and food. We have reduced our weekly shop from £70 to £50-£60.

I said that our children should not go without at Xmas and £ 35 is not a lot to spend on 3 children.

He thinks it is a lot and basically said that they don't need any other presents. I'd like to think he was joking but I'm not sure.

I will spend more money on them. We can afford to spend a little each month without going into our savings.

Of course I want to save, but I don't see why I can't get our dc a few gifts without feeling guilty about it.

Who is being unreasonable?

this is why I never understand combining finances - My money is mine and DH money is his

we spend differently so it would be insane to combine, as long as we each take care of our part of household bills (he pays: water & gas then I pay: electric & internet/phone etc...) then we have no need to be controlling each others money

if I spend £200 of my money on a big xmas and he only spends £20 of his because he thinks its 'consumerism' thats the way it is and our own perogative

this is why I never understand combining finances - My money is mine and DH money is his

Yep and it's apparently weird to do it like that on here. Not for me.

I'm with your husband. At least this year with the uncertain future and possible things such as job losses.

As long as it is the same restricted level of spend on presents for others (or less) not just your DC.

this is why I never understand combining finances

But for some couples it works well.

OH and I pool all finances, and we never argue about money.

I think the savings is neither here nor there.Hes taking the joy from Christmas.
Imagine opening something and feeling excitement,wonder and joy.
And some moaning fucker is talking about the price.

No way that wouldn't ruin it.

If he doesn't want to spend money on Christmas,buy him a ready meal and let him sit in the he dark.Sees how he likes that😂

He is UR whilst it is good to have a rainy day fund you need to live a little too there is no point living on a shoe string unless necessary life can be dull enough.
People like that know the price of everything and value of nothing.

The thing with not combining finances is that the OP would get lumbered with financing Christmas for the children and the dp would opt out because he doesn't value it. That's not fair when the children belong to both of them.
I believe separate finances can be great when there's a difference in attitude to spending but it does have the potential to leave one person shouldering the burden of paying for things the family really needs,vehicle the tightwad opts out.

OH and I pool all finances, and we never argue about money We are the same.

Vehicle (wtf?) = While

He's being ridiculous. We are on a much tighter budget this year thanks to Covid and maternity leave so will have to make some cutbacks but not at the children's expense. We won't get ourselves into debt for Christmas however will be a bit savvier with Christmas shopping by spreading it out from now and looking around for deals so although we won't spend as much financially this year our children (8, 4 and 0) will be none the wiser.

My eldest is a real worrier and overheard us discussing money recently. We've since involved her in some conversations around how we have X money coming in, Y money going out and then Z money for 'fun money'. Sounds like your DH needs a chat like that too.

You need to sit down with him and agree a budget for Xmas each year and then commit to saving a specific amount of each month,

It is hard but it sounds like between you there is money to spare for this. You don't need to go mad but it doesn't sound like you plan to.

My son will be 18 in December right before Xmas so our expenses each December are high and we have to plan for it.

If your partner is okay in all other areas of life then it might be a simple case of talking and agreeing budgets,

But I am nobody to talk....my son is going to be 18, our jobs went with lockdown and I am using benefits to buy him two different Lego kits, ...one for Birthday and one for Xmas. He won't be getting much else though,

He sounds like a kill joy.

Spend what you like. I spent about £30 on A Xmas eve box!

I think a lot of people are worried about money and what is going to happen to the economy. My DH very good with money but gets uncomfortable if no buffer in his account which I understand but...spending a bit of money on special occasions can bring a lot of joy.

Perhaps sit down and agree how much you will spend on each person on your Xmas list this year and try and cut back.

Kids dont needs as much as we think they do, but £35 doesn't go far these days.

I think he is being unreasonable TBH. Christmas without any frills is not fun unless you have your backs to the wall. I would disregard him.Also £70 down to £50 p/w seems low for food shops as well .Do you have money of your own ? Some of your wages or CB maybe .Put that to one side if you can .

Assuming you are savinv a couple of hundred a month...Your DH is an arse.

You really are not spending much AND you are the high earner anyway!
He'd be getting a stern talking to about there being no "the price is right" style question games on Xmas day and i would be going to the effort of getting and wrapping a lump of coal. What a Cockwoble.

@IAm1

Previous yearsI have spent around £200 in total for dc at Xmas. A lot less when they were younger.

It usually ends with dp on Xmas day questioning how much things cost. It annoys me as he does it in front of dc and it ruins the whole Santa thing.

He detests any gift shopping so it's all left to me to do.

We have a joint bank account. I earn more than him at the moment but it has been that way for 2 years.

Well there's you're answer then. A joint bank account is incompatible with your conflicting views on money. Open your own, get your pay into that and transfer an amount into the joint for bills. Then he can get on with it.

Actually as it seems that you cannot agree on finances overall.

So work out core bills and transfer money into the joint account for yourself and then have your own money to spend as you wish

t usually ends with dp on Xmas day questioning how much things cost. It annoys me as he does it in front of dc and it ruins the whole Santa thing
That is horrible awful behaviour. My Bil was always like this they live like poor people while he saves as a result my lovely teenage niece and nephew are tight wads too at the expense of others.
He's become miserable on everything in life now.
DC learn behaviour from adults.
Tell him to sort out his eager eyeball.

Because DP and I have different attitudes to money, we each have our own. We both pay the same amount into a joint account for the bills, car, shopping, and a bit over for savings for holiday/emergencies or to save towards "big" purchases. If either of us wants to spend on anything "big", we discuss it and, oddly, never disagree.

What's left in our own accounts is ours to do as we like with.

"We have a joint bank account. I earn more than him at the moment but it has been that way for 2 years."

Hmm. I wonder if this could be a factor. I hope it isn't, because then he's not just a miser but a total tosser. What I'm wondering is, is his ego sooo fragile that your out-earning him 'threatens his masculinity'; so he tries to assert his dominance by controlling how your income is spent?

"It usually ends with dp on Xmas day questioning how much things cost. It annoys me as he does it in front of dc and it ruins the whole Santa thing."
It ruins considerably more than the Santa thing! It leaves your children with the belief that they are not 'worth' the cost of their presents. I'd be more than annoyed about this, I'd be absolutely furious.

This is why I always made sure I was personally financially secure and continually aspired to have a career and earn more. If you are in such a tight position that you cannot survive if there’s a rainy day then your DH is being reasonable. We can’t tell without your financial circumstances.

He sounds joyless. Of course your children should have presents! There is enough misery around at the moment without children not having a big feast, a tree and some presents!

Stuff like this is why i will never fully combine mine and DP money.

If all bills etx are paid and i have money left i can spend it how i like, same with his money!

*Stuff like this is why i will never fully combine mine and DP money.

If all bills etx are paid and i have money left i can spend it how i like, same with his money!*

OH and I combine all money and never question each other's spending.
He can spend how he likes, I can spend how I like. All from the same pot. We trust each other, we both value fairness. If some big expenditure is suggested like a new car we discuss it. Apart from that we don't need to ask,
We take from the pot what we like. No need foor separate finances to do that.

Definitely depends on how much there is in savings. Some people hear “savings” and think £20k, others £200. These are precarious times, so I wouldn’t blame him for being tight if there was less than a couple of months’ salary in the bank. That said, it’s not just his decision.

But the person who said “You bring in more money so tell him to fuck off” is out of order.