Would you stay with a man who...

[razydazzlyself]

You have a baby with, but who doesn’t contribute financially (at all)?

No

Depends.

I mean plenty of women don't contribute financially because they're a stay at home mum whilst their partners are rightly or wrongly working themselves to bone tiredness.........I don't see an issue with a man taking on that role. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

Ideally both should be contributing, the luxury of any household having a stay at home parent is a thing of the past really. Unless one half is a very, high earner

God, no.
Either he contributes financially or he contributes practically, as in more than 50/50.
No way would I put up with the situation you describe.

Never. Even if he's a nice man who loves you both if he makes no attempt in any way to contribute to your family and home financially he's not the right man for you or anyone. Hope it all works out OK for you x

If we agreed he would be the stay at home parent so he could care for our child and family while I earned money, then certainly.

If he just didn’t want to contribute, then no, I couldn’t be with someone like that. I can barely stand the thought that there are men in the world who don’t provide for their children.

I'm wondering if his 'job' is actually more of a vanity project?
If so then he spends most of his time indulging himself, I wouldn't be happy with only 50/50 domestic work

Unless you tell him, things won't change. He can't love you, seeing you worn out and not having the respect for you or himself to get a job.

OP, he and his mother are behaving disgracefully. He is leeching off you. If you want to stay with him, please have a serious talk about his responsibilities. He’s having an easy life — short workdays, fun with the baby — while you’re being ground down. It will only get worse if he keeps getting away with it.

Is he really such a great dad, I wonder how great he'd be if he actually had to pull his weight, I think he'd be stressed and pissed off because he hasn't had time to indulge himself....

No, I would have zero respect for such a person and when I have no respect for someone the relationship is over.
I would get rid then claim CMS.

No. What for? I can't stand scroungers at the best of times. Life is truly way too short to put up with some types. My money would be for myself and my child, he'd be gone. I'm struggling to imagine why on earth a tightwad man who will have you broke and your child go without, can be seen as a catch in any way at all.

People comparing him to SAHM are being silly. He's not a SAHD. You had a baby, help to raise your baby and you work too. He's not going it alone with you sitting at home. & he's working short days.

OP I hope you come back and get some support.
On the basis of your updates, you don’t have to stay with this man and spend your life feeling so unhappy. Leaving is daunting, it’s also a bit shit to be honest, but it is worth it. Best of luck

Short days as what? Is he on minimum wage? Or does he earn enough to make a real contribution?

He needs to have a direct debit each month that pays into your account/the joint account. Why does he not do this? Have you asked him to? Where does his money go, if not to the household?

So during the day you are looking after the baby (and doing 50% of the housework). During the night you are working (and presumably find time to sleep). He meanwhile is looking after the baby when you are working/sleeping (but actually this is less than it sounds because the baby is often sleeping) working v short days and also only doing 50% of the housework. On balance it sounds like he must have much more free time than you - which isn’t fair. At the least he should be doing more housework. If money is an issue he should be trying to help with that (although with the economy as it is I would be sympathetic if someone was proactively trying to find overtime/more work so long as they were pulling their fair share in other ways. He isn’t though)

No way. Unless he was a SAHD but he would have to be a proper one, and not one of these "I'm a SAHD because I stop playing my games just long enough to pick the kids up from school a couple of times a week and stick chicken nuggets on"

Also you sound exhausted. No-one with any decency would,watch someone they profess to care about (let alone the mother of their child) work themselves to the brink for the three of them and not want to help lighten the burden - either by trying to bring in more money or If that wasn’t no possible doing more fucking housework s9 at least you got a rest.

Oh, he's definitely a cock lodger and you'd be better off without him. He sounds like a real sponger. You say you work from home, at night and you don't wish to tell us what you do (as is your right). My advice is this: For the next couple of months, do as many clients/viewers as you can and squirrel away as much £ as you can. Then, when you have saved enough to keep yourself going for a little while (bearing in mind the 6k savings limit for benefits), boot his sorry ass out the door and pause the work until you have some alternative childcare. Is there another worker you could make an arrangement to help each other with, maybe?

Proudly childfree, so no experience of choosing to procreate in this hellscape, thankfully, but you’re funding some guy for sex, essentially. He provides penis and some degree of keeping the kid alive, and you subsidise him, so it must be worth it, otherwise you’d make a better choice?

What does he spend his earnings on? A hobby? Drugs? Booze? Women?

Send him back to his mum for a few months. He'll have to pay for his child - find out how much CMS or whatever it is would be and tell him you expect that (at least that). Then you can claim the CT discount, you can probably claim other benefits too, your WTC may increase etc.

Otherwise, calculate proportionate contributions. Why does he work short days? Can he work more? Why doesn't he? It doesn't sound like things are remotely fair.

No.

Yes - if he contributed in other ways like SAHD.

Just No.

DH is a SAHD and so doesn't financially contribute
This works very well for us as a family at the moment
Once DDs are older he will be getting part time and eventually full time work

No. Off he fucks.