Would you stay with a man who...

[razydazzlyself]

You have a baby with, but who doesn’t contribute financially (at all)?

I can’t give any more information away as I’m pretty sure it would be outing. But no, it’s not a reverse.

@MaskingForIt

As long as he was doing the childcare and house work then it would be fine. That’s what stay at home mums do, after all.

Yes I agree. The only way that situation is acceptable is if he's a sahd and doing the vast share of housework

Following your update...

No. £300 in 5 months, it's not just that he's not contributing, you are totally supporting him.

So what does he spend his money on?
Reagrdless of what he earns, he should contribute something towards the costs of living.

So where does his money go?

There are a great deal of SAHMs who contribute nothing financially.

Him doing short days may help with childcare.

How long has he worked short days for? I have sympathy if he has been made redundant or if this is a situation outside of his control but I couldn't stay with a man who would settle for that. A lack of ambition is a turn off.

Nope, and I wouldn’t have kids with him either.

If he is the main caregiver and takes care of the home, then he is contributing financially, albeit indirectly.
I am assuming he is not, from the way your question is formulated.

£300 towards everything?? Mortgage/rent and bills etc?
If so, no chance.

But if you split things more evenly and you mean £300 towards the babys things it might be reasonable if you are the higher earner.

Hard to say without a bit more detail (which you might not want to share) 🤷‍♀️

A better question is why would you have a baby with a man like this.

@razydazzlyself

Great dad. 50/50 housework. Split childcare, he works but I earn much more. He doesn’t earn very much as only does short days. But I have seen £300 in 6 months

Well I think he needs to be doing more than 50/50 then.

Well it depends on the circumstances, if he’s unemployed or studying that’s a bit different but if he also works......then do tell us more as to why he doesn’t? Do you live together?

I know there are great SAHM. I wasn’t disputing that. But he is not a SAHD.

Do you love him?
Does he treat you well?
Do you want to be with him if you sorted the finances out?

If the answer is yes, I'd be asking for a standing order when he gets paid. Depending on how low his income is, he should be making a fair contribution.
However if the answer to any of the above is no, then this doesn't apply.

No. Definitely not. Under no circumstances.

Is he contributing in any other way? Housework, cooking, childcare etc?

If it was reversed and a man left a woman for not contributing financially because of restrictions on working (eg lack of childcare) it would be frowned upon.

I think it depends on the attitudes of both paties

Parties not paties

£300 towards everything - rent, council tax, bills, baby essentials, food, everything.

He is not studying.

I work from home so am with baby 24/7 anyway. But he takes care of him while I work. Although DS is mostly asleep by this time as I work in the evening when he’s in bed.

Lots of men stay with women who don’t contribute financially - there are many women on here who don’t contribute financially, and are quite open about it. At least he will never leave you.

Just read your update - still a no from me.
I calculated that in 2019 I made 5 times more than my DP, who is a teacher. He is still contributing financially to our household (proportionally of course)

If he's working short days why isn't he doing more than 50:50?

I would also expect them to contribute on a percentage basis, or you each keep back the same amount of £ and the rest goes in the kitty.

No I wouldn't stay with Someone tight or mean.

No, with or without children. Sort term after a job loss or if ill yes but I wouldn’t want a partner that didn’t share the whole burden of parenting, housework and finances.

So whatever he earns is just pocket money for him? Does he do more childcare than you? Does he own the family home?

There are no restrictions.

Also, is this a temporary situation? Does he know it's unacceptable and is looking to rectify it or is he happy to remain like this? He may not earn much but obviously he's earnt more than £300 in the past six months so what has he done with that money?

No. Read the updates. Still no.