Would you stay with a man who...

[razydazzlyself]

You have a baby with, but who doesn’t contribute financially (at all)?

No

@razydazzlyself

Great dad. 50/50 housework. Split childcare, he works but I earn much more. He doesn’t earn very much as only does short days. But I have seen £300 in 6 months

I would stay with him in those circumstances, if you are happy with him (it appears that you are). You don't seem to need more money and his short days helps with logistics I would imagine.

If you pooled all your money and then paid the bills (and holiday fund/kids stuff/savings etc) and then split the rest would he end up with the same amount? Or possibly more even than he has now?

If so then I’d probably not be bothered because I think if you live together and both do 50/50 that’s a fair way of splitting money.

Do you live together? If not, then I’d expect money tho regardless of the above as I’d not see your household as joint.

Honestly, no matter how great he was, no matter how much of a good dad, under your circumstances I genuinely would hoof him out and tell him to see if he can find anywhere else to live for £50 a month total - including food.

He's taking the piss out of you, he knows it, and doesn't care.

Why is he working very short days?
Can he up the housework so it is more than 50/50 to him if he is working short days?
Are you both working short days?
Is it that he doesnt have the money, or he isnt sharing ‘his’ money?

No. Not in your circumstances. He doesn’t come across as a caring supportive partner
He can still be a great dad if you are apart. But the whole point of being together is to support and care for each other

Still not enough information to say, really.

I was earning much less than ex when we were still together, but doing way more than 50% of childcare, housework etc. And I contributed much more than £300 in six months. Has covid affected income?

I tried a few times to increase my earnings, but it was really difficult when I did all drop-offs and pick-ups. Ex wasn't flexible enough to facilitate me improving my prospects.

Is your partner taking any courses? Can he realistically earn more without some changes or outside childcare? Did you discuss and agree this? Is he a good person? Is he happy with the situation or does he want to contribute more? There are so many factors that are important. Not just the money. Though I agree that that is a low amount.

If you’re not happy, discuss it with him. I earn 0 but DH is a very high earner and he couldn’t care less about me not contributing financially.

Have you had a conversation with him about this?
Is it likely to change?
What is your relationship like?

How does he feel about it? What is his reasoning behind not contributing properly?

Lots of info missing.

Is £300 everything he earned in 5 months, or just what he gave you?

Why is he not doing more childcare if he has short days?

Is this temporary?

Was this the situation when you decided to have a baby with him?

No, it doesn’t make it easier. The other night I didn’t sleep and was awake for 34 hours because I was working to make the rent. I don’t know what I feel. Just flat.

Do you have the same disposable income? DH and I share chores and anything childcare related 50:50 but I earn twice what he does so he contributes much less to the household bills, we work it out so that after all bills are paid and we have put something in savings, we both have the same amount of disposable income for the month to do whatever we want with. That feels fair to us but other people may well disagree.

I guess the main question is, are you happy with the current arrangements?

What does he say when you bring it up? How much did he take home and how much do you take home

Wow, all these people saying "No" when much more info is needed!

What is he doing with the rest of his money??

If I earned enough in reasonable work hours for him to be a SAHD I would. But I am working myself to the brink to afford everything. I have PND. Baby is only 6 months old. I can’t offer any more info simply because his DM will likely be on mumsnet.

OK, just seen the more info. I think I would start with "great dad", which is such an important thing, and then find ways to discuss the situation.

My immediate response would have been 'hell no' but actually the situation is unclear here.
Would he regard himself as a SAHD even though little one is mostly asleep while you work? What was discussed and agreed prior to having a child together?

Why do you not have a proper agreement in place?

Are you happy on a day to day basis?
Is he a good guy, treat you with respect?
Do you love him?

I know this is an unpopular view on here but it's only money, doesn't matter where it comes from if you have a roof over your head, warmth, full bellies, hugs and a few laughs. There are many couples with mismatched incomes, it does nobody any favours to keep count if the relationship is otherwise good.

If he treats you poorly, that would be a different matter. That would be a piss taking situation and a probable LTB.

There is no disposable income. Money is tight.

In these circumstances, the key question is, what is his take home pay? Does he have other commitments like maintenance for children from a previous relationship? How did you handle your finances before you had a child?

@razydazzlyself

There is no disposable income. Money is tight.

He must have some, surely.

No. A baby comes at a great expense to a woman’s body and sometimes their mind too.