To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

'From MN, we can therefore deduce:

Alcoholism: Scummy! They should stop!
Smoking: Scummy! They should stop!
Drug addiction: Scummy! They should stop!
Food addiction: We can't help it!'

Who has said this?

Interesting use of 'we' as well in the last line.

Me and my siblings were all skinny growing up. Our DM always fed us healthy meals but severely restricted treats and snacks, etc as DM has always been overweight and didn't want us to turn out the same. We are now all overweight because as soon as we were independent, we ate all the unhealthy stuff because it was so restricted in childhood.
I don't remember being hungry growing up but sometimes you just fancied a treat or whatever but there was never anything like that in the house and if you bought your own with your pocket money and got caught, it was taken off you and binned.

Everything in moderation.

On a another note. I attended a breast feeding group when my DC was a newborn and the health visitor that ran the group used to gush over the chunkier babies and say how she loved the the little chubby ones. The ones with the slimmer (and perfectly happy) babies were encouraged to feed them more and wake them up for feeds to fatten them up and was generally just less enthusiastic about them. What kind of message does that send to new first time mums? I know 2 of the 'chubby' babies now 12 years later are still overweight.

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@Runmybathforme

Aren't you nice?

It was a fair question about a very serious concern.

It was none of this.

Where's the 'fair question'? Or 'serious concern'?

OP immediately, stupidly or goadily, linked being overweight with those on low incomes who can't make good food choices.

My money is on the goady option.

And I can report what I want & MNHQ can agree or disagree so quit with the sarcastic 'tell us what we can post about' [/quote]
So when is it getting deleted then..

@chopc
My daughter is overweight my sons are not. No matter how much I try to portion control at home she eats what she likes at school and buys herself sweets from the shops. Does zero exercise. We are a sporty family.

You tell me how to help her lose weight
Don’t give her cash, all purchases debit card only with itemised receipts or no money for a fixed period of time.
Check her purchases at school if she buys cake etc that she isn’t supposed to she gets a consequence at home. Set the rules and enforce them.

Punishments related to food choices are not endorsed by any dietician that I've ever met.

I have 2 older slim children but my younger has definately been overweight.
He was huge at birth at 10lbs and despite being exclusively breastfed - he gained about a 1lb each week the first few weeks. I did baby led weaning so probably started eating properly at 8 months. He got really huge and was a very chunky toddler.

He has an appetite like nothing I've ever seen, left to his own devices - he would polish off a huge portion such as an athletic man would eat. He's now 8 and has slimmed down but could still do with slimming a bit more - it's work in progress.

I do give him a healthy diet - he loves raw veggies so I try and fill him up with these. I sometimes make meals he isn't keen on so he just picks at it and eats a much smaller portion.

There have been lapses when he's been babysat and he's eaten crap or hoovered the food up at a birthday party when my eye has been off the ball.

He now looks "solid" rather than fat but goodness it's been a long slog. I'm sure that people have thought badly of me but I really don't think they realise that I have been trying really hard!

@FatGirlShrinking

I was obese at 11.

My mum made fantastic food for us, neither parent or my 3 brothers ever had a weight problem. My mum even went with me to weight watchers and went on plan with me saying it was for her and I was just there to help her stay on plan.

I would sneak food and use pocket money to buy sweets because I was sad and lonely because of all the little bastards bullying me t school, the fatter I got the worse the bullying and the more I ate.

I can honestly say my parents did everything they could me knew to do about my weight. I never told them that school was a daily hell from 10- 18.

You can't always blame the parents.

My daughter recently told me she was just like you. I tried everything. I decided I was a crap parent and tortured myself for letting her become overweight. She has now turned it around herself, lost weight, gained so much confidence and actually believes in herself. I have never been so proud of her managing to do this. I still feel like a crap mum, and she says she feels guilty for lying to me time after time and making me feel so bad. We have gained a mutual respect now and talk about problems where perhaps we didn't before. Don't judge every parent. You don't know the background.

@ittooshallpass

Tell the schools to stop giving out sweets at the drop of a hat. Stop kids giving out sweets at school when it's their birthday. Stop the dinner ladies giving seconds and thirds to the 'smiley' child. Stop the after school club giving sugary snacks. Stop cubs giving out sweets every week. I could go on. It's very often out of the parents control - but if you say anything you're a killjoy 🤷‍♀️ Only when other people stop feeding my kid rubbish will I have a chance.

Completely agree with this!! It drives me round the bend when I’m told by my DD that she got to help herself to treats out of the box at school (3 in one day this week).

It’s become normal to have sweet/sugary snacks 2,3,4 times daily. It’s a constant struggle to always say no to things that the kids naturally want to eat, my DD has a very sweet tooth and I worry about her teeth as well as her weight (she’s not overweight). It’s trying to strike a balance between monitoring unhealthy foods yet not creating issues with guilt re certain foods that make it tricky!
Britain’s obesity statistics make worrying reading and we are storing up health issues for the future.

Check her purchases at school if she buys cake etc that she isn’t supposed to she gets a consequence at home. Set the rules and enforce them
Terrible advice it sounds like the DC'S emotions are already wrapped up in food.
I'd go down healthier eating at home and exercise but if the school are feeding the DC shit several times a day it is hard on parenting.
I read a thread where the DC had 4 high carb foods in school plus dessert.
Are there other countries that supplies school dinner?

You are aware that there are topics on here around addiction I assume?

What a very stupid post.

The lengths people will go to, to set up an us and them, in order to feel superior, is depressing.

How many people who are saying it's neglect seriously want all overweight children (from what age?) removed from their families?

How many are doing anything to help with eg charity etc rather than just posting smugly?

It is so dull.

The other thing is that the posters who do this, know it makes women feel like shit. Are they going after the dads? Hitting up piston heads and telling men they are neglectful? My guess is a big fat no.

Even though men are more obese, smoke more, drink more than women etc.

My family were like this, still are. The despise overweight people. To them it's a sign of moral weakness. As per this thread comments- lazy, greedy etc. And they feel much better for sneering.

Pathetic. And, not likeable. Short sighted. Mean spirited. Etc.

I do not for s minute believe that posters who say it's neglect want thousands of children taken into care. It's just reminds me of caricatures of bitter old ladies bitching about their neighbours tbh.

I agree @Gancanny. our pediatrician (kids see a pediatrician in the US, rather then a GP) is v. careful on the subject of food as teens especially are susceptible to eating disorders. She talks about eating lots of fruit and veg, making healthy choices, etc., but would never advise “consequences“ for eating cake.

DDs BF started becoming overweight when she was about 5. Her mum is overweight, her dad is very skinny. By the age of 8 she was very overweight and the dad did say something to the mum who basically said ‘she just needs to sort it herself when she’s older’. The mum is constantly on a diet, everyone in her family is very overweight and several have had surgery to lose weight. The fact the mum thought it was nothing to do with her is what amazed me. The child basically gorges herself at any opportunity, there’s no doubt why she’s like that.
She has a little sister who is very underweight and seems to have no interest in food (she picks at junk) which is equally worrying (she’s very small).
I’ve never know what to do, the mum literally thinks it’s not an issue she needs to deal with (there’s also been problems with bad teeth she’s not done much about). They’ve moved away now and from photos nothing has improved.

I grew up in the 70s and we gorged on sweets. Fizzy drinks etc.

What has changed is that there is much less movement built into society. Cars, lifts, escalators, computers. Kids not playing out, again linked to cars.

The average diet in the 70s according to a TV prog I saw was way more calories.

We see two paediatricians and two dieticians, one of each for both of my children who are autistic because as well as my son who is overweight due to issues relating to autism, I also have a child who.is underweight because of issues relating to autism.

Weirdly enough part of the advice for both is not to put moral values onto food, there is no "good" or "bad", food is just fuel. They also strongly advise against using food as a reward or punishment, as well as issuing punishments or rewards for esting/not eating.

I have three daughters - two very slim, one overweight. Please if anyone can tell me how to help her please let me know.

I want her to lose weight for herself but more than anything I want her confidence and belief in herself to not be crushed. The people who I know who are slim have an unemotional attitude to their weight - if they feel they’ve put on a bit, they eat a bit less until they are where they want to be - their fundamental belief in themselves isn’t effected and it’s not emotional. As soon as you feel you are overweight I think this becomes impossible - you sort of need to lose the weight unconsciously first. My daughter is so active but she is having a crap time at school and I think this is making her eat more. I can tell you this has nothing to do with our family income (my husband is a high earner), our intelligence or anything else that people might assume. She is beautiful, clever and wonderful and I want her to be happy. Making her feel more paranoid about her weight will not manage that - she will lose faith and trust in herself and her eating and attitude towards herself will remain disordered - even if she loses the weight. I need to manage her losing the weight without her feeling any shame.

So nope - it’s not as easy to fix and as straightforward as some of you seem to think.

Mitigation in dd2s case is ARFID. Kind of ironic as someone with ARFID restricts what they eat and only have certain safe foods. Sadly 90% of these foods are calorie dense but go ahead judge me.
I suspect the youngest also has it but is a normal weight.

I do agree in some instances
But being overweight stems mainly from depression type illnesses I thjnk
So it should come under mental well-being

Fat hate, because it is everybody's right to involve themselves in other people's lives if they are fat.

There is more to a person than how physically appealing they are to you.

I have 2 slim children and one slightly overweight 15 year old. It isn't because I am some kind of super mum. They just burn off what they eat, except the 15yo who is sloth like.

Mitigation in dd2s case is ARFID. Kind of ironic as someone with ARFID restricts what they eat and only have certain safe foods. Sadly 90% of these foods are calorie dense but go ahead judge me.
I suspect the youngest also has it but is a normal weight.

My underweight DS has ARFID, it is exhausting at times and very much a case of he eats his safe foods or he starves. Its shit that people would judge you for it or think its as simple as just changing your daughter's diet

I know this is going to be deleted. But as Mum to an overweight five year old I am doing everything I can to keep fit and healthy, I would like to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on, OP.

@Gancanny thank you. Shopping during lockdown was a nightmare. Different shops for different foods etc.
Flowers for you too but don't know how to do it.

@Northernsoulgirl45 I cried one afternoon when our online shopping delivery had chicken goujons rather than chicken dippers because goujons aren't safe but dippers are. I then had to drive to three supermarkets trying to find one that had dippers in stock which totally defeated the point of getting my shopping delivered.

This is something I struggle with massively.
I have never been slim. I was always a tall child but heavy too.
I've been overweight my entire adult life.
DS was born on 91st centile and has stayed there. He's way taller than his classmates. He tend to get fatter then shoot up, so at times he borders on overweight then he gets taller and he's back in the ok range.
He's a grazer just like DH, who is 1-2 stone overweight.
I eat regular meals and far less sugar than DH but I'm several stone overweight with T2 diabetes.
DS eats a lot of fruit and veg and I've had to stop worrying about his weight. He doesn't look fat but is definitely heavier than he looks. Friends who have lifted him have been shocked.
I also look heavier than I am, tall with large hands and size 8 feet. I think DS has a large frame like me, but with DH grazing habits

Well I hope the op and others have got exactly what they wanted here

to everyone who this post has upset

I must admit I’m shocked at how overweight the DD of a former colleague is, and I do secretly judge. I see pictures on Facebook and the girl is really really big. I can’t understand it because the mum, my ex-colleague, was very overweight herself and then about 2 years ago she turned it around and lost loads of weight. Started exercising, looked amazing, cut her hair and generally was unrecognisable. So it’s not like she doesn’t understand the importance of a healthy diet and exercise. You could argue that it’s genetic because both the mum and dad are naturally big, but you would need to be feeding your child a huge amount of rubbish for her to get as big as this child is. I don’t understand it at all.