To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

@Gancanny I sympathise. I actually dread to think what our neighbours think as we now get shopping delivered as dh was ecv. However the chicken dippers they sell are not the right ones so we have to get them from another supermarket and a different supermarket again for another safe food. Even though she is overweight we have also had days when she won't eat if the right food isn't available.
It is tough.

Perhaps there are other issues at play that you're not privy to?

My child is overweight. I try hard to regulate and promote exercise (the latter is tough during a lockdown when I work full time) but his weight isn't dropping.

They have always been overweight- began with being a hungry (EBF) baby who gained weight quickly and has stayed on the 98th centile since about 3 months and just can't seem to shift. It's tough to get the balance between 'healthy eating' and 'creating issues with food' by, for example, never allowing a treat at a weekend.

Regulate diet, not exercise!

@Northernsoulgirl45 yes to the right kind of dippers! Must be Birds Eye, must also be cooked to the right colour because if they're too golden then they're burnt and no good.

@spookmeout My DS is similar he was off the scale born 99.99 above.
He is a block, 6 inches taller than class mates but he gets chunky before each spurt.
My DD is rib slim although DS is far more active, he has crazy sensory issues around food, heat shape and colour.
I try to cook all the meals at the same time as he'll want food when he sniffs it even if he has recently eating, he has meltdowns for food.
He doesn't eat sweets eats 4 meals a day without snacks but too many meals.
I wouldn't say he eats much more than DD.

I have 5 children. Their dad's family are all overweight. My eldest looks like them and always had a tendancy to be on the bigger side. I cooked healthy meals, used to cut sugar, buy half fat cheese etc when she was growing up. Didn't make a thing of it, just did it quietly when I thought she was putting on weight.
Shes 20 now. Left home to go to uni 2 years ago. Drives. Shes piled the weight on, is really overweight. Ive tried talking to her. It does no good.
Makes me feel my efforts when she was a child were a waste.
My others aren't overweight at all. I could do with losing maybe a stone, but I'm 40.

@ChristmasIsMyJam I'd say the damage was done. My Dsis is the same she lost 4 stone years ago she only has a small appetite now her DD is very overweight and Dsis cooks heavily calorie foods lasagna & chips but doesn't eat it herself.

I know everyone is different but generally as a society, I do think we rely too much on cheap carbs and this is what causes weight gain.
Eating cereal or toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, pizza, chips or pasta for dinner with biscuits, cakes and crisps for snacks.
Cheap, quick and tasty. It’s so easily done and there are lots of families who eat like that constantly.

Tescos own label for dd2. And yes they have to be cooked just right.
Dd3 especially won't eat them if they are too crunchy.

My DS and DN are the same age. We have less income, if that's relevant. My DN had no health issues. He is now obese, always been overweight from around the age of 5/6. He cries if he doesn't get to eat what he wants, parents give in and let him. His diet is limited and he eats a lot of junk food and has 'secret' stashes of sweets and chocolate in his house. I'm pretty sure that what started as being a bit indulgent on his parents behalf has now resulted in him struggling mentally and physically as he's got older. In this case I do think this is neglect.
I understand that for others, the reasons are not so clear cut.

The word 'diet' shouldn't be a dirty word. We should all eat a healthy diet. What harm are we doing to our kids by not promoting diet and exercise? What harm is already being done to them by allowing them to make the wrong food choices in the first place and letting their weight creep up and up. As adults we all know that the reason we put on a few pounds is because we've 'let ourselves go' and have ate more . We can do something about it or not. It's personal choice as we are responsible for what goes in our mouths. A child isn't.

Seychelles just read that last post.

In terms of neglect, do you want to see these children removed from their homes?

I can't see that anyone has answered that question.

Neglect= intervention.

Given your concern for these children, and the fact their parents are neglectful and lazy, what's your personal view on what should be done to stop the damage? Clearly leaving children with neglectful parents is no good.

Buys low calorie 🍿
Prepares to duck buns

I have 3 sons. They were fed the same food, had the same lifestyle- two were skinny children, and one was fat- really chubby. It was not neglect, it was genetics.
Then he hit puberty and grew- and grew- and grew. He is now tall and slim .
Sometimes children just are chubby.

Rather strong word but I do understand your sentiment.
I speak as a overweight child who had a feeder mum. Though she was a great cook and thought food was a treat. I have very active kids who are very healthy weight wise.

When I see a very overweight child I look at the parents and often it’s the same. It’s not always “poverty” but just ignorance about how and when to eat. It’s usually the family who doesn’t know how to cook and the kid is the one who lives off a series of crap meals and sugary snacks.

I would love to have a local unit where people could be taught basic meals on a budget and ideas for snacks for kids.

If the parents aren’t overweight - and my daughter has a few friends like this I do judge. The parents seem to be the types that stick their heads in the sand and proclaim that “Jenny doesn’t like veg and only eats crisps” or too busy to notice.

Research shows that overweight women tend to have bigger babies. Just a point for those of you that are surprised that the baby was born big.

Regarding lockdown - we walked an hour every day, when the restrictions lifted from 1 hour we did 10-12 miles pretty much Saturday. Admittedly we live rurally so walking is nice but still. We would bike ride in a Sunday. I also got up early every weekday and did a body combat or hit class for 30 minutes off youtube.

I didn't buy any junk food for in the house. Don't feed your children crisps if you know they aren't going to move so much..

It's excuses. You control their diet and exercise. Teens are harder as they leave the house. It's about good foundations. So many families are inactive it's scary.

Posted too soon. I hear colleagues announce that they walked 3 miles at the weekend like it's noteworthy. That's an hour's walk.

Neglect vary rarely means moving children. It means parents are being monitored to make changes to stop harming their child.

I have three dc, 2 are perfect weight for their height. Middle dc has put weight on over the past two years, despite being quite athletic and eating no different to the others. Admittedly she is the one who has always been more food focused and always hungry. However her weight gain coincided perfectly with her having to take a daily medication that has a side effect of weight gain and lowering metabolism. She is likely to be on this medication for life.

Unless there is an underlying health issue with the child i believe it is wrong. Similarly to another poster it saddens me too. There is a boy at my son's school who can't be more than 4 and is very overweight. His mother will bring him in eating a sausage roll or another greasy lunch on theway to school. I wonder if it is about lack of education for the adult; eating unhealthily is sometimes all people have ever known and they need help as a family to learn to and change. It runs deeper I think.

I don't generally consder myself judgemental, but... There are parents at my daughter's school who pick up their children and immediately produce crisps or chocolate as a snack. One mum at my daughter's swimming has a very overweight daughter but while sitting in the changing room in her swimsuit waiting for the lesson to start she's always given bags of crisps (sometimes more than one). I can't get my head around this.

I mean you can't control a child's appetite, and if they're a fussy eater then you feed them what they'll eat, but do they really need chocolate and crisps the instant they leave school or right before a swimming lesson?

I agree with PPs who feel that the OP has been goady, especially with her comments about parents on benefits/low incomes.

However, there is a lot of truth in what she’s saying. And as someone who has struggled with my weight all my life, it makes me sad to see the large number of children who are overweight/obese nowadays. It’s so hard to overcome weight issues once you’ve grown up.

As a result, I’ve been determined not to allow my DDs (now 11 and 8) to become overweight, and they’re not at all. Indeed, I used to worry about DD1 being too skinny, but now she’s entered puberty this is no longer the case. (She’s a very fussy eater, which has been very difficult to deal with. However, she’s very healthy and is hardly ever unwell.)

You don’t need to make a big issue of their eight or even mention it, as long as they remain a healthy weight it won’t be an issue.

'but do they really need chocolate and crisps the instant they leave school or right before a swimming lesson?'

I don't think it is when they are having it but how often they are that is the issue. Having a small pack of choc buttons when come out of school for instance occasionally is fine if the rest of the diet is good. It is the whole diet at fault. Chocolate is a treat and I think the issue is it is seen as mandatory.