To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

Anyone see that programme about fat kids? The ones being treated by the hospital. In one, the mother would undermine the doctors at every turn and would bring fatty sugary foods in for him. It was outrageous. Now she was a fucking selfish bint who wanted her son dependent on her and stuck at home

I saw that...that was about SO much more than food - she was not a well woman. She undermined and argued with the doctors at every turn, thinking she knew better than them when he poor kid just wanted to get well.

The sheer amount of overweight children I see nowadays makes me so sad. Not just slightly chubby, but double chins and a waddle instead of a walk.
Parenting is really hard, and food is so much more than fuel for the body. My youngest DC has a super-sweet tooth, as do I. I should just not buy anything sweet so there's no temptation. But I don't do that. I'm really careful with portion size for all of us. Both my DC snack far more than I would like, but thankfully like fruit and veg so will fill up on that. I definitely think my youngest eats more than they should (snacks etc) but they are still slim. I think there is a genetic element to their grave size, but at the same time I do wonder just how much the obviously overweight kids are eating in a day.
My DCs best friend has become noticeably overweight over lockdown. Lack of exercise contributed, definitely, but I also know they have a really carb-heavy diet. I struggle to get them to eat veg when they're here. I don't believe that my often- tinned tomato based meals with a couple of portions of veg (often frozen) costs more than what they eat, we just eat differently.
It's really hard to discuss weight on MN without accusations of fat-shaming, but we are setting our kids up for a major health crisis, if we don't accept that having this many kids overweight by 5,6,7,11 is a real problem.

If you look at the weight loss threads on here and the sheer amount of misinformation and outright bollocks posted on them is depressing. People seem to have a really warped sense of what counts as 'exercise' or what a healthy diet is with fad solutions, fasting or the cutting out of entire food groups being recommended. People seeking advice just drown in information

I'm not trying to make excuses, I agree some people just can't be arsed to cook healthy food or say no to their kids, but do you really think millions of parents WANT their kids to be overweight? Most probably have a warped sense of portion sizes and healthy food and aren't purposefully damaging their kids. I'm not sure that counts as neglect.

If it was as easy as giving them some lentils and oats I think that would be part of a national programme...

To those saying that they have one child who is a healthy weight and one who is overweight but they eat the same things - stop feeding them the same things.

They are different people with different genetic makeup, just because they’re related doesn’t mean they’ll process fats and calories in the same way.

Feed them as individuals.

I also disagree that it’s difficult to find out information, it’s never been easier to lose weight. The NHS Eat Well guide is sensible and well written, combined with My Fitness Pal, it’s super easy to track exactly how much and what you are eating.

However, it’s also never been easier to have junk food pretty much delivered straight to your mouth....

I would like to see more regulation of food, but ultimately it’s personal and parental responsibility.

However, there is never a way to discuss weight on MN, no matter how you would start a thread, because everyone is overweight due to poverty and/or medical issues. Never any other reason.

It's the constant excuses that are trotted out.

"I can't afford an expensive gym"

"you don't need to join the gym, take the kids to the local youth football club"

"I can't afford new boots and kit"

"you can pick up basic kit very cheaply at sports direct, most youth clubs have a kit swap scheme to help disadvantaged households"

"there is no club near me and I don't drive"

"contact the club, there is probably someone who lives nearby who they can out you in contact with for a lift"

"I suffer from anxiety"

"okay well you can buy a ball for five quid and have a kick around the local park"

"there are no parks near me"

"walk around the block then"

"there are no blocks near me and I live on the clifftop of an uncharted south Atlantic island"

Etc etc

@ittooshallpass

Tell the schools to stop giving out sweets at the drop of a hat. Stop kids giving out sweets at school when it's their birthday. Stop the dinner ladies giving seconds and thirds to the 'smiley' child. Stop the after school club giving sugary snacks. Stop cubs giving out sweets every week. I could go on. It's very often out of the parents control - but if you say anything you're a killjoy 🤷‍♀️ Only when other people stop feeding my kid rubbish will I have a chance.

complete nonsense , you are a killjoy. The worse thing you can do to your child is make food the enemy My ds managed with the school and handouts of sweets, seconds and dinner time, ds manage to charm free breakfasts out of the canteen staff in 6th form. Both dc are adults and on the lower end of the scales for their height , because they excercise. If a child has been running around in cubs for an hour a small sweet at the end will have been burned off.

The thing is you can’t say anything. I’m sure many others have seen those posts on FB where a parent has had a letter telling them their child is overweight. Cue loads of people telling them they’re wrong and their child is perfect, along with a photo of an overweight child.

I have a very thin child and one slightly over weight, I’m not sure how it’s happened really, kids and food is a minefield

@NiceGerbil

I've been meaning to mention this actually..

Children are not automatically taken from their parents when they are 'abused' (physically, menatally, sexually or neglected) .. They are usually worked with first. It actually takes a lot for a child to be removed from their parents/family which is some circumstances is unfortunate.

Maybe a social worker 'stepping in' would be a positive thing. They can get help and support with finances and be educated on how to feed their children properly.

Now i will just say as well that i agree there are exceptions for example, one poster mentioned their son is on medication and has a disability.. also, teenagers are able to get their own food therefore parents are no longer to blame. But I'd say for the majority of obese children you see walking around with obese parents is because they are being fed pizza, burgers and crisps all day which yes, is sad to see.

@DillonPanthersTexas
This made me chuckle😂
Unfortunately it's incredibly true

This is interesting.

www.bhf.org.uk/what-we-do/news-from-the-bhf/news-archive/2020/september/how-we-can-tackle-childhood-obesity

Too often, personal responsibility is cited as the answer. Eat less, exercise more, control your appetite. But millennia of human evolution have helped to shape highly pleasurable, physiological responses to energy dense foods.

Once scarce, these foods are now abundant and frequently cheaper and more convenient to buy than fresh produce. This is a troubling combination that makes it difficult to control how much we eat of them. In short, a recipe for poor health.

The central thrust of IPPR’s report on childhood health is that old saying ‘it takes a village’, meaning that society as a whole must take responsibility for creating as healthy an environment as possible for children to grow up in. If we continue to lay the blame for childhood obesity at the door of individuals and families, who often lack healthy, affordable options, then we won’t make the progress we so desperately need in reducing obesity rates.

@Sewsosew

The thing is you can’t say anything. I’m sure many others have seen those posts on FB where a parent has had a letter telling them their child is overweight. Cue loads of people telling them they’re wrong and their child is perfect, along with a photo of an overweight child.

I was just going to say this. I think people are blinded by portion sizes but also think many people are blinded to what a healthy sized child should be.

@Gancanny

DS is autistic and due to associated sensory issues he does not have any sense of being full and derives pleasure from chewing and swallowing. Despite best endeavours, he is overweight because of this. His paediatrician and dietician both agree he would be far more overweight than he actually is without the control measures we have in place but it is a careful balancing act between not creating anxiety around his weight/eating and preventing him from eating until he vomits. He hides food, takes food that isn't his, gets additional food at school or buys unhealthy food as they have a free choice canteen system, and so on.

Oh I feel you as we have the exact same issue here with DS1 age 10, ASD along with sensory processing disorder. The meltdowns we have when we try to restrict the unhealthier snacks are unreal. With that, early purberty and social anxiety about leaving the house our once extremely slim child is now considered overweight. He is not obese and doesn't look very overweight but he definitely falls in the overweight category. It is not for lack of trying on our part.

Yes, sometimes it is neglectful. Sometimes the parent/s feed their children fast, unhealthy food because it keeps the children quiet and happy.

Sometimes the parents don't know any better. Often an overweight child has overweight parents. The family are eating big portions and/or eating fatty food too often.

Sometimes as a pp said, the parents may promote a very healthy lifestyle giving a varied diet and lots of exercise. However, the child may be deeply unhappy and eat in secret.

These are only three situations of hundreds of possibilities. You don't know what's going on in someone's life.

YANBU, I fully agree with you OP and I don’t understand the uproar on this thread.
Of course there will be exceptions/medical conditions, but that’s not the point of this post. For the vast majority being overweight is due to poor diet/over eating, which is the responsibility of the parents.

When i was in my early twenties, a friend told me that she had to buy mcdonalds for hers and her 4 year old daughters tea every night as it was all she could afford. I didnt think anything of it but now im older i realise that buying fresh veg, potatoes and meat to make a healthy cottage pie for example is soo much cheaper than buying a mcdonalds! And it will make about 4 meals. I think some people dont realise this and think takeaway food is cheap compared to fast food. Im also aware that its not always about poverty like in my first post.. but sometimes it is

@jackson14478

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

Blaming kids or parents is not helpful.

I was an overweight child who had a 'balanced diet' and became a serial yoyo dieter for the next four decades desperate to be 'slim' but just got fatter.

Turns out that the 'balanced diet' guidelines that have been sold to us since the 70's include foods (low fat high carb and highly processed stuff made with cheap veg/seed oils) that make you fat. These guidelines are the problem not the parenting.

Since I stopped eating starchy carbs, sugar and highly processed foods I lost all the excess fat I had accumulated (100lbs) and four and a half years later still haven't put it back on. I eat butter, cheese, cream, lard too. Not made me fat.

Guidelines introduced caused the massive increase in metabolic diseases and obesity. Limiting carbohydrates and all processed foods will help reverse this trend. It is gaining traction but as there is no money to be made doing this, it's a bottom-up movement. Once you know, you know.

My 4yo DS is classed as obese using the NHS BMI calculator for children. He is on the 25th centile for weight. However, due to growth hormone deficiency he is below 0.2nd centile for height, so he has a chubby face and tummy. I’d hate to think that people look at him and assume that we either can’t afford or choose not to feed him properly. He actually eats very healthily and neither I nor his dad, nor his little sister, are in any way overweight. He is starting GH injections within the next month so should start to grow upwards and his weight/height ratio should start to even out, but what a shame that I’d be judged so harshly were you to look at him now.

I think it is a combination of money,parents working more,not having the skills to plan and budget and make healthy foods,children with additional needs,parents using food for bribes,show love.
And of course the very very tiny minority of parents that couldn't give a shit.
I do think more should be ploughed in on helping parents with young children to budget and support them with making better choices as in the long term will save the NHS money but I can't see that happening.

Golden kelpie there was no problem with that diet in the 70s , it certainly wouldn't have made you a yo yo dieter people were thinner back then

Guidelines introduced caused the massive increase in metabolic diseases and obesity

The same is said of this while change for life stuff pushed at kids isn't it?

Feeding them low fat diets and stuff containing sweeteners which is not great for you. Fat and protein fill you up and anything thats had fat and sugar and salt removed has have those ingredients replaced witg something else not only for flavour but for structural Integrity share actually more processed and more unhealthy for you.

I was an overweight child but i had bullimia and hid my eating and purging.
Parents cannot control a childs eating fully.
I think focusing on a child having healthy self esteem and is fulfilled in other ways helps the root cause of overeating.