To think it is neglectful to let your child get overweight

[jackson14478]

If you cannot provide your child with basic nutrition, a balanced diet and enough exercise, would you say it's child neglect?

I know for a fact that low income/benefits families can feed their children a healthy diet at a similar cost to an unhealthy one. I've done it and so have friends.

Letting your child become grossly overweight through no fault of their own is not responding to their basic needs

Whoops, I meant 'weight' not 'eight'.

With small children and babies, my eye is much more attuned to the opposite. When I used to take DS1 to playgroups in Notting Hill there were a number of children who were excessively small and thin, and didn't look as if they were thriving. I think this was to do with religious opposition to formula among mothers struggling with breastfeeding and a sort of orthorexia where picky children were only allowed 'healthy' snacks.

Fat kids are often members of fat families. The whole family needs to be encouraged to change eating habits.
There isn't enough direct addressing of this problem.by health care professionals imo. It isn't 'fat shaming' to directly speak to this issue with re-educational support, it's kind honest and helpful.

There isn't enough direct addressing of thisproblem.byhealth care professionals imo. It isn't 'fat shaming' to directly speak to this issue with re-educational support, it's kind honest and helpful

I agree. I'm fat. I know I'm fat. Pretending I'm big boned or my clothes shrunk in the wash or I'm built this way isn't helpful to me. I understand completely parents desperately try to avoid eating disorders in children so avoid using the word fat or telling them they eat too much etc but sometimes I do wonder if being honest would help . Not saying to come out with " no you cat have 3 scoops of ice cream you will get fat" but telling kids that our bodies need looking after and eating too much makes us fat and ill ,reakky any worse than pretending everything's ok and hoping they don't notice their new plate is half the size if everyone else's and they only have one sausage instead of 2.

I dunno what the answer is really. Poor quality food doesn't help either. Too much of our stuff is processed and full of shit that leaves you hungry or addicted to it.

I see alot of competitive eating and competitive non eating on MN. Personally I don't think its clever that your child can drink 4 pints of milk a day and posting pictures of them eating massive sundaes in dessert bars at the weekends . Those are habits that may have not made them overweight now but if it carries over to adulthood and the office it will. But then I cant imagine what uts like to have a child who only maintains their weight by drinking 4 pints of full fat milk a day...

I think its shocking that such a developed country contains people who have so little education in food and nutrition. And whos working class struggle to afford basics like fruit and veg and often the affordable stuff isn't particularly high quality. People bang on about it veing cheap in aldi and lidl etc but I find their veg shocking. I love veg and I struggle to eat it . Not really conducive to being able to encourage good health even when parents are trying their best.

The priorities here are just all wrong. We don't invest in our children any more. Not their health, their mental health, their education, none of it. Theres 12 billion pounds fir a useless app but not to invest in the children if this country.

Our kids are paying the price fir this.

Havent RTFT ere are some factors you may not have thought of...

Being inadvertently controlling or restrictive on your child's food in an attempt to prevent weight gain can lead to children fearing scarcity of food and so eating everything they can get their hands on so putting weight on.

Ditto not allowing sugar or carbs etc, when the children gain some control they will eat everything.

Some children with eg sensory processing issues or ADHD like the feeling of stuffing food and will eat and eat and eat. Even on healthy food this can lead to weight gain.

Some children don't have enough of the hormone leptin which tells you when you're full.

Some children may have underlying illnesses which leave them feeling so exhausted, the only way they feel they can function is to eat a lot to get the additional energy from food.

Some parents were brought up themselves on treats in emotionally unhealthy ways - back then people didn't know it would be bad to try to reward, cheer kids up or distract with food. I still see it on mumsnet all the time. Give them a chocolate button for using the potty, give them a biscuit if they're crying etc. In my case, a relative would whisk me away for cakes and chocolate to remove me from a potentially violent and escalating domestic abuse situation. As an adult I have to fight the urge not to see sweet foods as a way of showing love and care and comfort, but many won't be breaking that cycle.

So you might think, well just give them less food, don't let them have more, cut out treats... But then you end up with the food scarcity issue I mentioned first.

Sometimes the kid has other issues but yes I think most of the time it's the fault of the person responsible for caring for the child. Yes parents lives can be difficult and they have their own issues but it's not an excuse for any other form of neglect so why should it be for making your child obese?

I don't think OP was goady by linking obese kids and families on low incomes.

That's what is always the first argument about obesity. That it's caused by poverty.

Admittedly, they could have think their first post through bit better.

One of my best friends is significantly over weight (I would say morbidly obese) as is her partner, who is much bigger than her. His family are all his size.

My friend has no medical conditions aside from reflux. I do not know about her partner or his family.

They have a child. She is very, very overweight and struggles to walk much due to her size. My friend cooks from scratch everyday and the main courses are reasonably healthy meals but the portion sizes are enormous, even for their daughter. The daughter loves fruit and veg and will chose to eat these when available, but she also loves cakes and pudding and will ask for, and be given, second helpings of these.

She was weighed as part of her medical when starting school and my friend received a letter about her daughter's weight. She wasn't pleased that the school addressed the issue of her daughter's weight as she's so young. She didn't seem to grasp that if she doesn't sort her daughter's weight out now, she will likely be like this for life.

I have been in poverty as a single parent and DS looked like an extra from Oliver Twist in his second hand uniform compared to some of the better off children in his class. He was small for his age and slim, not underweight but around the 15th centile. We filled up on rice, lentils, root vegetables, porridge. A pack of biscuits was a treat but they don't fill you up.

They have a child. She is very, very overweight and struggles to walk much due to her size.

That's really sad. How old is the child?

In terms of education I think there's a huge knowledge and attitude gap to be fixed. All the naice MC people on here would likely be surprised. Lots of people think potatoes are a vegetable so probably assume crisps or chips count as one of your five a day. Loads of people just don't eat fruit or vegetable in any significant amounts, they don't know portion sizes or they don't understand the importance and they don't like the taste = they don't eat it.

@kowari sadly hundreds of thousands of families would struggle to cook lentils or root veg, some only have a kettle to cook with. Some nothing. Not even a saucepan or a hob.

Yadnbu. It makes me really sad to see significantly overweight young children, knowing that they will get to an age where it really becomes an issue and starts to hold them back, and by that point the struggle to lose it will be so much harder. I know someone with a 7 yr old DD who is rapidly gaining weight to the point now that she's quite often out of breath and becoming "lazy" as she finds it hard work to walk/run now. It breaks my heart for her knowing her life will probably become quite a struggle. The family eat alot of takeways/McDonald's and both parents are hugely overweight too. The school commented on her weight gain last year, and mum got so furious, she pulled her out and is now (very loosely) homeschooling her, which seems to invovle ALOT of TV and trips to drive thrus... It worries me, but after her reaction to the schools comments, I don't feel I can bring it up. Now no daily exercise at school and on school runs, and ever increasing reasons to stay home (parents are high risk covid due to weight) I fear her weight will sky rocket even more.

I was a skinny child who suddenly started putting on weight at age 9 in the mid- 1980s. I was relentlessly bullied by my parents for my weight and to this day I have self-esteem issues regarding my body size.

Looking back I now see that my parents did not help - meals always had vege but the main component was always things like bacon & egg pie, macaroni cheese, lasagne, pies, schnitzel. No snacks except fruit usually, rarely had lean meat and fish. All stodgy and sugary. No school meals in the country I’m from so a packed lunch was 4 slices of bread with Marmite, occasionally a yoghurt, no fruit, lean meat etc. No primary-aged child needs 4 slices of bread for lunch, particularly if they’ve also had toast for breakfast (no money issues with parents, so it wasn’t like they couldn’t afford lean meat and fish).

Likewise, they didn’t bother with getting me into sporting activities. I had a bike and that was it. Was taking swimming very occasionally.

Yet it was my fault that I blew up a balloon from age 10. Mid 1980s so no internet for a pre-teen/teen to easily find info on diet and exercise.

Parents must accept responsibility for the lifestyle that they provide for their children - obviously excluding those with medical conditions that can affect weight. Young children wouldn’t normally be going to the shop by themselves to buy sweets so who is providing the junk that is making them gain weight? School meals are reportedly small so it’s not likely to be that either, even with a daily pudding.

The buck stops with parents - stop feeding crap, grow a backbone and tell GP’s and others to stop giving your child sweets etc, get them into regular exercise that they enjoy. If you don’t know what a balanced diet is for children then use your initiative and find out - ask for advice from GP, HV, the library, NHS Change for Life, Sure Start.

Sadly, some parents just don’t have the motivation, education and interest to seek help for their child’s weight, and again it’s the children who can suffer for their parents choices. I once saw a girl of about 7-8 years so overweight she was waddling and looked pregnant, her stomach was so large, it made me so angry when parents allow this to happen (disclaimer again, she could have had a medical condition).

Yes, many factors at play but the buck stops with parents.

Rant over

Yes YABU

I’ve been “poor” and managed to feed my daughter a healthy diet but I’ve had family support to cope, a good education, role modelling from my parents who gave me a healthy diet, no special needs to contend with, lived in a fairly modern flat where fuel wasn’t too much of an issue. Privilege makes things much easier.

There are worse things a kid can be than overweight. Unloved, for one. Stay in your lane.

But Olympics yet again.

How many families realistically have just a kettle to cook with. Honestly. I am not saying they don't exist, they do, but it will be such a negligible number when it comes to the whole number of overweight kids that that argument has simply no overall value.

@nanbread

They have a child. She is very, very overweight and struggles to walk much due to her size.

That's really sad. How old is the child?

She's 6.

She's a lovely little girl, so enthusiastic about certain things, but walking is just too much effort for her. I struggle to see my friend and her family now (even before lockdown) due to work commitments. I did suggest, when lockdown eased, going for a walk as I'd obviously not seen her for months, but my friend said we couldn't go far as her daughter would struggle. When she was 4, we went on a day out and it involved lots of walking. She wanted a piggy back for a lot of it - it killed my back!

I think we fall over ourselves to understand “poor” families who apparently have no choice but to load up their kids from the fried chicken shop and junk food. I think that’s not only a bit patronising, but also conveniently ignores the very many families who aren’t poor, don’t live in food deserts, are not working two jobs and actually have a very nice life, thanks very much, and have overweight kids.

Something like two thirds of adults in this country are overweight or obese. It is not a poor families issue.

That’s not to say that lower socioeconomic groups aren’t worse off, or facing greater difficulties in eating well, and that we shouldn’t attempt to fix those problems. But for those groups, it’s not just about food.

I also agree we pussyfoot around too much for the fear of damaging our children. What’s more damaging in the long run - a lifetime of being overweight or being told as a child that you can’t have 3 scoops of ice cream, and toaster waffles are not a good everyday breakfast?

Money/education/privilege makes it far easier (and possible) to feed your children a healthy, balanced diet but to a large extent that is separate to questions of weight. That is why, traditionally, the poor were thin.

I haven’t read all the replies but yes it is and children have been put on support plans by ss and ultimately children have been taken into care because of this.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

But Olympics yet again.

How many families realistically have just a kettle to cook with. Honestly. I am not saying they don't exist, they do, but it will be such a negligible number when it comes to the whole number of overweight kids that that argument has simply no overall value.

Yes, wouldn't that be mostly families in temporary accommodation? Thousands of families, but a small percentage of the total?

We had a stove top, a few pots, a small fridge with a freezer shelf. I would have thought our situation was much more common.

I agree.

I think the issue is takeaways there was no food halls when I was young, no 24hour takeaways, you can order a full fry up for 10 to your door for breakfast like everything satisfying and easy it's bad creates habits.
I think it will get far worse.

YANBU - unless there is a medical condition etc.