To lie about Santa to a child!

[santaself123]

NC for this as I know his family are on mn
It’s a bit of a long one, sorry!

I’m 16 weeks pregnant so I’m aware I could just be over emotional, and it’s not really that relevant right now but here goes anyway.

Last night I was looking for inspo for Christmas presents, I came across a kids “Santa’s treat” board for leaving treats on Christmas Eve. I made a joke to DP that he’ll have to be Rudolph as I’m not a fan of carrots so wouldn’t be biting a carrot to leave teeth marks!

DP said something along the line of “ or we could just not lie to our kid”

I thought he was joking but it turns out, after a short conversation, that he doesn’t want us to tell our child Santa is real! He says we shouldn’t lie to our child about Santa! He said we wouldn’t tell them God is real so why would be tell them Santa is!

Now here is where I might be wrong but Santa is the most magical thing in my eyes! It’s one of the things I’ve always looked forward to about having my own child! Making our own lovely Christmas traditions and just watching the excitement and anticipation of Christmas through a child’s eyes!

But I feel like he’s ruined it now! I don’t see the point in getting excited about Christmas now or ever if he’s just going to tell our child Santa’s not real as soon as the child can understand the concept!

I know I might be being petty to be upset as I suppose to most people it might not be a big deal but I just feel very deflated and quite disappointed!

So AIBU to be upset with him about it!

YABU- Santa’s not real and it’s not a big deal
YANBU- Santa’s magical and every child should have the chance to believe in him!

@duckme

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable! I'm sorry but I will never understand the need for grown adults to ensure their kids know that it is they and not Father Christmas who has provided their presents. All this 'I worked hard for those presents so I don't see why a bloke with a beard should get the credit' bollocks drives me crazy. What happened to giving without expectation? These people must really be joyless. I can't think of any other reason that anyone would want to tell a toddler that Father Christmas, the most magical person in the world to kids the world over, is fake and a lie? What does your husband expect to gain from this?

it isnt always about wanting credit for the presents btw. Some people just don't see the need to lie and/or feel uncomfortable with what that lie might mean I.e. if santa brings you what you want if you're good, does that mean the poor child in the class was bad? Also people who aren't keen on santa arent necessarily suggesting they're going to sit their children down and harsh as anything reveal that santa doesn't exist and squash their dreams. If they never thought he was, where is the dream to quash? It isnt some big reveal. Its just always from the word go a fun story we indulge in and play the game of because it is nice to but we all know really it is a fun game

@JuliaJohnston

DD is now 13 and we still have lots of fun, despite her knowing the hard truth for 4 years. Don't most kids realise by 9?

I think it depends. DD didn’t have friends with older siblings and may have had some idea but wasn’t fully convinced.

When you read several MN messages about worrying that their secondary school child is still a believer I think 9 is not too old.

I was told the truth about Santa when I was just four years old. It is possibly my earliest memory. My older siblings told me out of spite and i aghast ran to report them to my mother. I caught her in a worn out humour and she confirmed they were telling the truth.

Forty years later I still haven't forgiven any of them, the Christmas thieving .

Hmmm, I'm in the middle. Lots of mince pie leaving, reindeer food, carrot biting antics and traditions but as they got older (e.g 7+) and ask specifically 'is he real?' I can't look at them and lie. But equally not going to be the parent of the young kid that goes into school going 'listen up people! He's. not. real!'.
Young teens now and the knowledge sort of emerged over time in our house and we still do all Santa ish traditions so hasn't ruined anything. A friend had the opposite and had to sit her Y7 son down and explain FC wasn't real as he still very much believed and she thought this could cause him problems and much piss taking!

So in summary:
Up to 7: magic and traditions all the way
7+ and questioning: magic + vague mutterings and swerving direct questions
Older: still all the traditions but they know. Aka me as an 18 year old student still liking to leave my stocking out after returning from the pub🤣

Depending on your child it can also get quite difficult if they:

• seriously question the delivery logistics and would like details of how the whole thing is done
• don't want some random stranger in their room
• question why they can't ask for anything etc

All conversations I have been drawn into over the year..I swear things were simpler when I was a child!

YANBU. Childhood is so short. Why can't they experience a bit of magical happiness? What's the rush to get them to dark reality?

My mum and dad never celebrated Christmas with me and it was sad. All the children excited about Santa and the Christmas parties and stories of hanging up stockings, etc. I never experienced any of that and I find it sad. I have three children now and we make a big thing out of Christmas, Easter, valentine's, Diwali, Remembrance Day, Chinese New year, firework night, birthdays, Halloween, anything and everything! Why not? We always have something to look forward to.

I think it's fine to lie to children about Santa, but out of order if you ever lie to Santa about your child!

I think you can celebrate every little occasion and give your child an excellent childhood without going overboard re santa though. If done sensitively, it can just be a fun story but still get fully involved in it all, surely? I've got a cupboard I'm already building up of stuff to do to make these sorts of occasions fun for my little one and I'm keeping it topped up so every occasion we have things to go all in. Being a bit iffy about whether to actively promote santa as real doesnt necessarily mean not doing everything x