To lie about Santa to a child!

[santaself123]

NC for this as I know his family are on mn
It’s a bit of a long one, sorry!

I’m 16 weeks pregnant so I’m aware I could just be over emotional, and it’s not really that relevant right now but here goes anyway.

Last night I was looking for inspo for Christmas presents, I came across a kids “Santa’s treat” board for leaving treats on Christmas Eve. I made a joke to DP that he’ll have to be Rudolph as I’m not a fan of carrots so wouldn’t be biting a carrot to leave teeth marks!

DP said something along the line of “ or we could just not lie to our kid”

I thought he was joking but it turns out, after a short conversation, that he doesn’t want us to tell our child Santa is real! He says we shouldn’t lie to our child about Santa! He said we wouldn’t tell them God is real so why would be tell them Santa is!

Now here is where I might be wrong but Santa is the most magical thing in my eyes! It’s one of the things I’ve always looked forward to about having my own child! Making our own lovely Christmas traditions and just watching the excitement and anticipation of Christmas through a child’s eyes!

But I feel like he’s ruined it now! I don’t see the point in getting excited about Christmas now or ever if he’s just going to tell our child Santa’s not real as soon as the child can understand the concept!

I know I might be being petty to be upset as I suppose to most people it might not be a big deal but I just feel very deflated and quite disappointed!

So AIBU to be upset with him about it!

YABU- Santa’s not real and it’s not a big deal
YANBU- Santa’s magical and every child should have the chance to believe in him!

He sounds a misery tbh. I have vivid memories of the excitement of knowing Father Christmas was coming. And I did the same for my DD. When she naturally stopped believing that was fine too. Contrary to what some on here seem to think, it was never about me when DD was small. It was about passing on the magic.

No one ever told me he wasn't real. I worked it out myself with a tiny fall of the heart but no lasting trauma.
I guess if some parents do make it about themselves then that might be a problem. Avoid that and I cant see any reason not to "do'' Father Christmas for your kids.
FWIW. I was also excited to see family and have Christmas dinner etc.

I'm team 🎅 but yabu re I don’t see the point in getting excited about Christmas now or ever if he’s just going to tell our child Santa’s not real as soon as the child can understand the concept! But I'll put it down to hormones.

@D4rwin do you have children? I'm just curious what happens with school and friends etc. Do you encourage them to speak the truth or to conspire to withhold it?

Jesus - the world is already going to shit, cant we just let the children enjoy a bit of magic until they are old enough to realise how difficult real life is sometimes?!

I grew up poor - we never had much money, live with grandparents and never got presents. Except on christmas, santa always brought u something - nothing fancy, nothing big, just something for us to open. Bar of chocolate, notepad etc. I loved writing santa a letter every year, i loved that my parents would play along and put out glasses of milk and a mince pie and a carrot, and the next morning, it all vanished! I realised he wasnt real years after, but i will always be grateful to my parents for the short belief in santa.

YANBU kids need to be kids. It's a lovely time of year for kids.

@ohnothisagain

If you read most posts you realise that Santa is incredibly magical - for the parents. Its all about parents creating some magical ideal (and often enough get extremely stressed about it - including sobbing tantrums and massive debt), not about kids. its up to each parents what they want christmas to be associated with, but I can assure you the magic does not depend on a man in s red suit - loving parents, and time spend with the children is all you neec for a magic christmas, everything else is entirely optional (and very commercial)

You do realise no every one gets into debt at Christmas ? It is entirely possible to let your children believe in Father Christmas, show them love and do things together without spending a fuck ton of money. How patronising... Dd gets one big present from Father Christmas and a stocking , the rest are from us .

YANBU. I’m so pleased my DC still believe and have that excitement bubbling away amongst this never ending cloud of coronavirus doom and gloom. Birthdays cancelled, holidays cancelled, halloween cancelled but they still have that to look forward to.

Christ, let children be children!!!

Christmas wouldn’t be special if kids didn’t believe, it would just be another day. Let’s keep the magic 🎄🎅🏽

We've never told our kids Santa is real, and they have a wonderful Christmas! For me, spinning a tale to make it 'magical' would be very uncomfortable for me, so we've always gone along the lines of Santa not being real but it's a lovely story that we can all join in with at Christmas time. We still read Santa stories, do Christmas activities, even tell them that they leave their stockings our for Santa to fill (with a big wink). They love being in on the story and have great fun pretending at the same time

Is it such a big deal either way?

My DD knows that Santa is just a fun story, that’s always the tack we’ve taken with her. It doesn’t make Christmas any less lovely. We chose not to go down the Santa route because I think it avoids awkward questions (if we only get presents when we’re good, why did so and so get a better present? X child (very poor) at school didn’t get any presents, have they been bad? Etc etc) and encourages her (hopefully) to be grateful to the giver, rather than thinking this is something she has “earned”.

If you want to do it, I’m sure your DC will enjoy it. But I’m not sure it will really work if one of you isn’t keen - surely he’ll just give it away by his attitude?

Santa was my ‘saviour’, when I was a child. I grew up in a very abusive household, yet still got Christmas presents, so even with how I was treated, I think my mother did actually care about us, in her own twisted way. That was the one time of year when I felt that someone cared about me. I was like other children and mustn’t have been as bad as my parents told me I was, because I still got presents from Santa. I honestly got as confused as fuck, once I realised they were from my parents, tbf, probably from my mother as there’s no way my scummy father would have handed the money over.

Anyway, that’s my reason for thinking the Santa myth is a lovely thing to have. There’s enough shit going on in this world and kids are being bombarded with all sorts of miserable crap. Let them have this short time of believing in magic.

Is your h not going to play along with other childhood make believe like fairies and magic wands? If his child is dressed up as Spider-Man will he refuse to play along and pretend they are Spider-Man?

I think that it must be tough for kids who know the truth not to blurt things out or play along when adults talk about asking FC for gifts etc

He said we wouldn’t tell them God is real so why would be tell them Santa is!

OP I respect your husbands views that God isn't real, but you should not really be comparing Santa and God. You know as an adult categorically that Santa is made up. But you simply cannot "know" one way or the other if God is real or not. If you did, you might be able to answer many other probing questions in the world right now. It's disrespectful to those of faith to make a statement like that.
I'm missing the point of the thread, so to get back on track, Santa is such a lovely magical concept that is so surrounded in happy stories, memories and Christmas experiences. To deny your child that at a young age would be sad. However, at some point your child will come to realise the truth. God on the other hand? Maybe he's real, maybe not. But you cannot "know"

Make believe and imagination are very important parts of development for children. I don't believe in naughty nor nice lists, but as a op said we listen intently for bells on Christmas Eve, and then they rush up to bed, the excitement at that moment is magical.
Honest to God do people know how hard life is? Small children are only small children for a little while, they don't need to grow up so fast, they have their entire life to understand the realities of life.

I really cannot stand all this 'Santa is magical' crap.

Explain what exactly is magical?!

My opinion is he's a miserable bastard and so is everyone who has come on this thread agreeing with him. It sounds dramatic I know but this would be a deal breaker for me. Tell him to keep his mouth shut.

You can't explain it, it's a feeling.

Sometimes we all need to believe in something. Something we can’t see or touch. To learn that it’s ok to have faith in love, in our abilities, in our potential. All things we can’t see but should believe in. The world is a sad place without belief in a little magic from time to time. That’s all Santa is. Belief in the kindness of humanity. I’d feel sorry for anyone who can’t partake in that a little to light up a child and indulge in some wonder.

YANBU. I don’t really remember ever believing in Santa (of course I probably did when I was really young) but there’s just some kind of magic in this part of Christmas and just seems like the thing to do for me. It wouldn’t be a proper Christmas without it!

I assume he never watches super hero films or indeed any type of film where the person, for example James Bond, does something that we know is completely unlikely, such as dodging bullets, taking out a group all by themselves?

Tell him any films that involve someone in an unlikely situation or doing something that’s likely to be humanly impossible, as not to be watched, as they’re not real and it’s important to acknowledge the truth.

In real life I only know one family who told their kid there was no santa - and that kid is a cynical little sod, maybe he would have been anyway but they don't 'lie' to him so he knew about all the ills and bad stuff in the world at too young an age I think, and at 11 has massive anxiety issues.
Everyone else just goes along with it and it is fun, and it is magical. We don't go over the top with elaborate footprints or anything. Our 10 year old knows/doesn't know but this will be his last Santa Xmas, and it's sort of sweet that he half wants to believe.

As for not 'lying' to your child. You will, we all do to protect them from the realities of life we tell them white lies all the time. That we parents can make everything alright when we can't. That he wasn't the only one not invited to the party when he was. That mummy and daddy won't be out late when leaving them with a sitter when we will. That ALL the kids are already in bed when they're not... and on and on. We do it to protect them, reassure them, to make sure they get enough sleep.
With everything going on in the world is it really so bad to let them believe in a story for a little while?

TBH I’m not convinced the best thing for a parent/child relationship is to purposefully mislead them for years.

People do like to tell kids stupid stuff and see their belief in it as evidence of their innocence. It isn’t, it’s just that one of the major ways children learn about the world is through what their parents and other adults tell them. If you tell them santa is real, they believe it. If you tell them that the sun glittering on the sea are precious jewels, they’ll probably believe that too. Hardly ‘magical.’ What you mean is your child is creating the magic for you by not knowing any better.

@Pollynextdoor

YABU I don’t get the Santa and magic thing.

You may not get it because you are thinking as an adult.

Use your imagination at age 4 children all the colourful lights, taking part in the reindeer food, leaving mince pies on the door step. Life is too short to be miserable!

I think it’s totally harmless and it’s for a good cause that only happens once a year. Their little faces are priceless.

My dad had this miserable view and told my brother Santa isn’t really (it’s cruel) my brother then told all the kids in his class) at school.

My DH was absolutely furious when he discovered his parents had been lying to him, and vowed never to do that to his own child. The view that you ought to be able to rely on your parents to tell the truth has much to be said for it! DD has never minded, but then she has the same sort of mindset as he does. She understood that other children might think Santa was real, and was very good at playing along with the story so as not to spoil it for them.

If he doesn't believe god is real and won't play the game of saying Santa is real.... why is he bothering to celebrate Christmas at all? What does he think Christmas is for?

So only Christians who believe in Santa can celebrate it. Really?