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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think watching my husband push the toddler on the swings is family time.

185 replies

uisage · 11/10/2020 20:24

We had a wee walk earlier which culminated in the park around the corner (2 mins from my house at toddler speed). I said to my husband I would go home and do something useful with my time, and DH got upset because he wanted to spend some time as a family.

Watching a 2yo being pushed on the swings (DS requires at least half an hour, he really loves the swings) isn't really quality family time in my opinion.

It's boring enough pushing a swing for half an hour (and I have done a lot of that since the parks reopened), let alone watching someone else push.

I went home, did some tidying and then read some of my book.

Wibu?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 12/10/2020 06:34

@ohtherewearthen
I'm not prepared to explain the sentiment of my post

Tumbleweed101 · 12/10/2020 06:58

I used to find pushing swings incredibly boring after about five mins. I’d also be tempted to go home and do something more productive if the other parent was doing it for a change, esp if it was me who usually did the park trips.

JamminDoughnuts · 12/10/2020 07:08

you werent unreasonable if you wanted some time out but of course taking a 2 year old to the playground is family time,
what would you rather do as family time?

cptartapp · 12/10/2020 07:14

Does he ever do anything with them on his own?

kittykat35 · 12/10/2020 07:15

Is this a reverse? Do something better with your time? Do you have pnd OP??

LolaSmiles · 12/10/2020 07:21

There's two separate issues:

  1. Whether you get any/enough time on your own - you should have some and if you don't this needs addressing
  1. Whether it's reasonable for any parent flounce off from the park, making it clear they consider it boring and they have better things to do than spend time together as a family - it's not reasonable and I'd wonder what you'd consider family time because going to the park and other toddler friendly activities aren't the height of excitement either
EffYouSeeKaye · 12/10/2020 07:22

MintyMabel

Yesterday I sent my husband out for a walk with my daughter after lunch because her incessant wittering was really getting on my nerves and she hadn’t stopped since she got up at 7am. I spent the time playing a game on my computer. It was lovely.

I too have a witterer. This really made me laugh. It’s important that we get alone time too, to recharge and refresh. Put your own oxygen mask on first, as it were.

YANBU.

Marmitecrackers · 12/10/2020 07:33

I can't quite believe you cleared off and left him and you cant see who is unreasonable

RednaxelasLunch · 12/10/2020 07:36

Haha "family time", lovely on Instagram and a pile of wank in real life.

problembottom · 12/10/2020 07:44

YANBU OP as it sounds like you don’t get a break and that’s not fair. In our playground on a weekend morning it’s mostly dads on their own, followed by a few mums and then one or two couples. I get a break on a Monday when DD is in nursery and I’m not at work so I do do the family time thing at the playground on Sat and Sun. If I didn’t get that break DP would be going his own tho!

goldrabbit22 · 12/10/2020 08:17

It is family time. It's those precious moments that seem so mundane now that one day you will look back on and wish the would happen again. There'll come a time she won't want to be taken to the playground and pushed on the swing but it may one of the lovely memories she carries into her adulthood and treasures.

Hardbackwriter · 12/10/2020 08:36

@goldrabbit22

It is family time. It's those precious moments that seem so mundane now that one day you will look back on and wish the would happen again. There'll come a time she won't want to be taken to the playground and pushed on the swing but it may one of the lovely memories she carries into her adulthood and treasures.
If I'm honest, I think it's unlikely that OP will think 'I wish I'd pushed her on the swing 1001 times rather than 1000 - as it is I have no memory at all of doing it, but if I'd done it just that one more time...'

I never get why people think that 'making memories' (such a grim phrase, and such a misunderstanding of how actual memories are formed) is a 24/7 activity, like you will simply forget your child if you don't spend their entire toddlerhood glued to their side

EffYouSeeKaye · 12/10/2020 10:31

I agree @Hardbackwriter. And it’s an enormous pressure to put on ourselves, trying to ‘make memories’.

I also agree that family time can be something very simple. As can happy memories. Think back to your own childhood. What stands out? In all likelihood it’s a very random, hodge-podge collection of happy times.

Almost certainly not including times when your mum was feeling a bit wrung out and in need of a little break.

The best memories happen completely at random, when everyone involved was relaxed and ultimately joyful. It’s okay not to find these moments from a contrived series of child-centred activities.

DoraTheImplorer · 12/10/2020 11:35

I still remember snippets of "family time" from when I was little. Things like how happy it would make me when all of us sat down and played a board game, or all went out for a picnic or to the seaside. I loved Christmas so much not for the presents, but because we just all stayed in together, ate together, played together. For a lot of the rest of the time I'd play on my own or be out with friends. Spending time with Mum AND Dad was special.

Now I find going to the park boring, and I don't really like picnics, and Christmas is stressful, but I do all these things because I know my kids want to, and if they're like me, will remember them for years.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 12/10/2020 11:41

You have literally described family time. This must be a reverse!?

LovelyIssues · 12/10/2020 17:33

Yabu. It is family time. Enjoy your child and husband.

Harls1969 · 12/10/2020 18:03

It's dull, but kids grow up and you don't get that time back. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, just make the most of the swing pushing family time. It would have been better if you'd just not gone on the walk at all. Going then buggering off home because it wasn't what you wanted to do...well I'd have also been pissed off in your husband's place. Sorry

FelicisNox · 12/10/2020 18:14

You're husband wanted to spend time with you and you went home so yes, YANBVU.

It's only as interesting as you make it, if this was your DH behaving like this there would be uproar and accusations of him not pulling his weight in your relationship and selfishness.

The same applies to you.

Mumwithapub · 12/10/2020 18:15

Your actually lucky to have the option of family time I waited 13 years to start a family with DH for him to start an affair while I was pregnant as in his words he was not coping with the idea of being a parent! Stress of job and helping with our pub. I kicked him out when DC was 9 months old as I caught him in a hotel with "her" he then after 4 months of them shacking up got her pregnant, he fawns over her DC but ours picks up the scraps of his time. I would love to have the family time that for 13 years I was promised!

FelicisNox · 12/10/2020 18:15

Correction: YABVU.

CallmeBadJanet · 12/10/2020 19:09

@uisage I work in Early Years. Being together as a family, even for a short while, has a massive, positive impact on your child and your family. You are modelling how to be around each other and have positive relationships. I can’t stress the value of that to your child enough. Having said that, long stints in a play area are tedious. But that part of your child’s life lasts 5 minutes. There will be a time, your now 2 year old won’t want to know you or spend any time with you. Grab time with them now, focus on them. It will build a bond that will get you through the teenage years 😬

Lisa82sim · 12/10/2020 19:36

Gosh... Credit to him for putting up with you.
Family time doesn't have to be quality big day out. Sitting together having a family meal chatting is family time. Having a dvd night together is family time. Anytime that you spend time together in each others company making memories is family time...even the park.

AnnoyedinJanuary · 12/10/2020 19:47

You're not being unreasonable OP - if anything was ever to send me into a depression when my kids were young - it was spending time in the park pushing them in swings or watching them climb the slide for the umpteenth time. Marginally better in the summer - but come autumn winter - it bored the hell out of me and I was always too cold!!! That is in no way my idea of family time. I'd much rather be at home sorting stuff out - stuff which needed doing and which would pile up otherwise..... and then wind up with me being more tired and grumpy...... family time can work better when chores are done and both parents feel relaxed and I've often let my husband go to the park with the kids while I stay home and sort the house - we each play to our strengths......

winniestone37 · 12/10/2020 20:26

Obviously it’s family time. The fact you find it boring implies you have pretty childish expectations of family. Sometimes it’s very very boring. You make the best of it a find joy in the small swings like you both seeing your kid happy on the swings.

Endoftether2000 · 12/10/2020 21:00

Uisage you are not being unreasonable. When your DH is working these long hours, I am guessing that jobs that could take 10 minutes with no child in tow, take hours. So for you to be able to do these jobs with no interruptions is not unreasonable. Any time spent together with each other can be classified as family time even if it is just the mundane things like sitting down for tea, especially in the current circumstances.