To not think watching my husband push the toddler on the swings is family time.

[uisage]

We had a wee walk earlier which culminated in the park around the corner (2 mins from my house at toddler speed). I said to my husband I would go home and do something useful with my time, and DH got upset because he wanted to spend some time as a family.

Watching a 2yo being pushed on the swings (DS requires at least half an hour, he really loves the swings) isn't really quality family time in my opinion.

It's boring enough pushing a swing for half an hour (and I have done a lot of that since the parks reopened), let alone watching someone else push.

I went home, did some tidying and then read some of my book.

Wibu?

I have three, including a nearly 2 year old. I spent half my life at the fucking park pushing swings.
I think YABU. I mean, what do you consider family time with a 2 year old? What would have kept you out with them instead of going home to do ‘something better’?

@ChloeCC

It doesn't take two people to push a swing. You need a break. I am also sick of family time. It translates as mothers having the kids alone (standard time), fathers having the kids with back-up from mothers (family time).

If that's what it means in your family and you don't like it then you're totally in the right to object and say it needs to change, but it really isn't universal - that isn't how our family works, at all.

Your DH is a saint to push for 30 minutes (so are you if you do this). I will only push DC for 2 minutes. Then they have to go and do something else in the playground. After 10 minutes, they can come back and have another go for 2 minutes.

YABU. How do you define family time if this doesn’t count?

@chloeCC I completely agree with you here. Often for SAHMs, weekends are the only time they get to have a bit of a breather. Why can't the dad spend some quality time with the child at the park while the mum does other things, which often is things like cleaning/tidying/catching up on the ironing anyway. Why should mothers feel guilty for not wanting to be with their child 24/7. I am utterly bored with the parks and yes it is dull pushing a swing for hours. It wouldn't hurt the dad to do it once when the mum does it alone six days out of seven. Family time could be doing a puzzle or watching a film together at home. Or doing something different that the mum doesn't already do with the children every other day. I fail to see the problem with expecting a father to push his child on a swing for an hour without pouting. Mums don't always have to be there.

YABU having not seen my DH most of the week due to both being busy, we managed to squeeze in a walk to the park with DD (13 months) yesterday and it was so lovely to have some time watching them enjoy each others company. And for myself to have another adult to chat to!

If you aren't getting any free time for yourself, that's another issue that you need to take up with your DH but don't take it out on family time.

Sounds like the definition of family time to me.

Exactly this ^^......and to leave your husband there to do the boring bit alone because you could have been doing something more "useful" with your time? YABVU

Thats classic family time. If that wasn't your usual behaviour, fine. If you do it all the time , the message you're sending is that you don't want to be with your child. Children pick up on stuff like that really young. Its going to create a resentful child.You can do adult stuff when they're in bed . When he's older he can play more with little friends at the park or be playing alone at home independantly,but at that age they need your time. You & your DH could chat while pushing etc, things are what you make them.

YABU. Going to the park is family time when you have a toddler. What do you count as 'quality family time'? Watching TED talks together or learning a language? Get your head out of your arse.

I feel like there are two separate questions:

Is it reasonable to have time alone, facilitated by dad taking child to park alone? - clearly yes, and I don't think anyone would argue otherwise
Is it reasonable to just announce you're bored and going home when you're all already out together - no, I don't think it is

A reverse?

I found most "family time" activities with small children excruciatingly boring, pushing swings one of the worst.
If Op has dc all week then DH needs the time with dc more than she does.

@Ohtherewearethen as much as I completely agree that mother's don't have to be there all the time, as a SAHM myself, I actually crave adult company come the weekend so do as much with DH as possible instead of on my own. Just being able to talk to someone about anything other than 'would you like another snack' and 'have you done a wee' is pure bliss and like free time to me as sad as that seems!

It's been years since I was in this situation but quite frankly I don't blame you for wanting to do something constructive with that time.

DH and I have always been in agreement that you only need one parent present most of the time and that a strict turn-taking schedule applies so that at least one parent can bask in the joy that is child-free time. If I asked DH to stand and chat to me while I pushed a swing he'd think I'd gone batshit (and vice versa). I think YWNBU but he may not be on the same page....

@Howlooseisyourgoose yes, they really would going by the hysterical responses I read on here about men.

Yes you were, definitely IMO.

[quote Laaalaaaa]@Howlooseisyourgoose yes, they really would going by the hysterical responses I read on here about men.[/quote]
Ah the obligatory use of the sexist word ‘hysterical’ to describe women. You’re clearly male.

@ContessaDiPulpo

DH and I have always been in agreement that you only need one parent present most of the time and that a strict turn-taking schedule applies so that at least one parent can bask in the joy that is child-free time. If I asked DH to stand and chat to me while I pushed a swing he'd think I'd gone batshit (and vice versa). I think YWNBU but he may not be on the same page....

Doesn't that leave you with almost no time to see each other? DH and I both have some alone time each weekend but it's a couple of hours, not half the weekend - I don't want to spend the entire weekend without adult company, either alone or with a small child!

I'd have got on the swings myself (love swings) and had races. You can swap with your partner and your child can "race" mummy and daddy.

Of course they win every time, but it's fun none the less.

My dh used to say things like this. The fact was that i did the lion's share of solo parenting at the park without him admiring me doing it, so yes on those days he was doing it i thought it was fair play that i would do whatever i wanted to do at home!

Fuck me, what pills do I have to ask the doctor for to find pushing a kid on the swings “the perfect time”?! Because I want some! Sure I guess it’s nice when they’re having fun and all but my heart isn’t exactly filled with joy and sunshine at the prospect of the park.

I don’t want to get all “in the old days” but when I first came on MN, everyone would have wholeheartedly agreed with OP and we didn’t have this wishy-washy crew of Making Memories Mums who apparently delight in their child’s every single swing and slide. I mean maybe I’m massively deficient as a mother but it IS mind-numbing, yes of course I plaster a smile on and chat and laugh with DC at the park but it’s BORING!

Such a shame- so many dads wouldn't want to get involved doing anything like this

I have never, ever seen a family at the park. Just one parent with their child/children. And if they're lucky, another parent with their own children to talk to.

I have been at the park on my own pretty much every day since they reopened while DH works long hours as a keyworker.

@ChloeCC this is exactly my problem - my husband isn't used to having DH alone. Even if he's supoosed to have him, I get shouted for all the time. He calls me if DS has done a particularly large poo, for example, because it's easier to change with 2 people there.