To not think watching my husband push the toddler on the swings is family time.

[uisage]

We had a wee walk earlier which culminated in the park around the corner (2 mins from my house at toddler speed). I said to my husband I would go home and do something useful with my time, and DH got upset because he wanted to spend some time as a family.

Watching a 2yo being pushed on the swings (DS requires at least half an hour, he really loves the swings) isn't really quality family time in my opinion.

It's boring enough pushing a swing for half an hour (and I have done a lot of that since the parks reopened), let alone watching someone else push.

I went home, did some tidying and then read some of my book.

Wibu?

my husband isn't used to having DH alone. Even if he's supoosed to have him, I get shouted for all the time. He calls me if DS has done a particularly large poo, for example, because it's easier to change with 2 people there.

Headphones in. Ignore. Easier for him to change DS alone than to come and get you.

@BewilderedDoughnut

You sound horrible.

No she doesn't. (And side note, here you are again offering unhelpful judgment on yet another thread)

She sounds like a mother asking a question.

For me personally, and I know I'm biased, this does sound like family time, and as my husband left when my 3 children were v young, I spent many weekends gazing enviously at families in the playground; one getting coffees while the other kept an eye on children...

BUT if you are not getting a break usually, I know this changes things. I think is worthy of a proper conversation with your DH.

@Howlooseisyourgoose FFS I’ve seen it all now, the word hysterical is now sexist. WOW. Oh and for reference, I am 100% female - I just think that responses on here can be hysterically pathetic.

@uisage

I have never, ever seen a family at the park. Just one parent with their child/children. And if they're lucky, another parent with their own children to talk to.

I have been at the park on my own pretty much every day since they reopened while DH works long hours as a keyworker.

@ChloeCC this is exactly my problem - my husband isn't used to having DH alone. Even if he's supoosed to have him, I get shouted for all the time. He calls me if DS has done a particularly large poo, for example, because it's easier to change with 2 people there.

Well, this is clearly a rubbish dynamic but you need to talk about it properly - it's a much bigger problem than one session on the swings and you need to make that clear to him.

I am really surprised that you don't see families at the park, though - during the week it's almost all one parent (or grandparent) but I went this morning and it was mostly couples and in my experience that's normal for the weekend.

@Ohtherewearethen. No one is saying mums always gave to be there. Dads should definitely do their share with the kids/around the house.

What people are saying is that a walk to the park & swing pushing IS 'family time' with a 2 yo and to just abandon it to go home & read is a shitty thing to do!

Fine to say 'DH it's your turn for the park, I'm staying here, let's do xyz later'.

Not give to say 'I'm bored. Screw family time, I'm going home'

@uisage

I have never, ever seen a family at the park. Just one parent with their child/children. And if they're lucky, another parent with their own children to talk to.

I have been at the park on my own pretty much every day since they reopened while DH works long hours as a keyworker.

@ChloeCC this is exactly my problem - my husband isn't used to having DH alone. Even if he's supoosed to have him, I get shouted for all the time. He calls me if DS has done a particularly large poo, for example, because it's easier to change with 2 people there.

Weird, we often go to the park as a family (me, DH and 3 children).

Meh I agree with you the boredom of the park. I hated it , still do although at least mine are older and can play themselves. Having said that I see his point. It is difficult if you have been there all week daily. However if that is a limited chance for you all to be together , well you suxk it up and try to enjoy it. Like others have said make a game of it , get involved. To be honest family time is often what I personally would choose to do but that's the point of family time , something you can all do together almost exclusively what the DC will enjoy because you can'texactly have a drinking game as family time

Perhaps he could have recognised you needed a break and said to go home and put your feet up but you did rather deliver the message in an unpleasant way.

It is really wierd you are implying it's an unusual thing to do to go to the park as family. I've seen it a huge amount. It really isn't unusual for families to go to the park together.

Next time, suggest they go out together, just the two of them, to give you a break.

My husband took out the first, then both of mine on the weekends usually for a couple of hours, he used to take out my first so I could write for a day as well.

We did also have family outings, but just to the swings, I'd prefer one or other of us to have a quick walk out and let the other one have a break, we often took out one child each as well when they got older. All shopping together in the supermarket as one family unit would have been my idea of hell!

Hardbackwriter it was a bit like that when they were small, but the happiness of being alone more than made up for it. I'm finding it difficult getting used to actually spending time together now the kids are older tbh! We did have the evenings tbf although I was often asleep

He calls me if DS has done a particularly large poo, for example, because it's easier to change with 2 people there.

My DH does this as well. I normally just laugh at him and ask him how he thinks I manage, then I leave him to it. He still asks me more often than not but I normally just laugh it off, tell him I believe in him and go to do something somewhere else in the house.

I still think YABU about today. But it does sound like you need to have a think about what you would like parenting to look like and have a chat with your DH about it. Both you and DH need time off and time together as a family.

Were you the only people in the park? Are there unlimited swings? You start getting dirty looks if you go over 10 minutes in any of my local parks (on a decent weather day!)

#missespoint

We rarely all go to the park together. One of us can be using our time much more efficiently (sadly not to read a book but more to blitz the shit tip whilst the 3 horrors are out!!)

Being at the park with family is family time. So YABU on that front.

But you want alone time, which is totally reasonable.

Good for you. I hope you enjoyed your book.

How did you respond when he told you he was upset?

because it's easier to change with 2 people there

But if you are there, and it is easier, why shouldn't he ask for help?

DH and I always ask each other for help.

Just because you can do something by yourself, it doesn't mean you should.

And for reference, we go to the park every evening for family time.

YANBU to want time to yourself.

YABU to leave DH at the park with a toddler.

Aww your poor little boy. I bet your one of those mums who sits on her phone, rather than play with her kids.

Yesterday we went to a farm park and then for food at a child friendly pub, today we went for a long walk, leaf and chestnut picking, then did leaf rubbings and had a Sunday roast.

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

I think it fair enough to have some time to yourself, but I think bailing out half way when you are out as a family would be annoying.

@supersonicginandtonic

Aww your poor little boy. I bet your one of those mums who sits on her phone, rather than play with her kids.

Yesterday we went to a farm park and then for food at a child friendly pub, today we went for a long walk, leaf and chestnut picking, then did leaf rubbings and had a Sunday roast.

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

Oh for goodness sake . I mean I may not agree with the OP but this is the most self serving passive aggressive post I've seen on mumsnet ...and quite frankly that's really saying something.

It’s really nice though if another adult comes to the park wit you. In the week if one is at work that can’t be helped but if you just want some time alone and that has not been agreed before then it’s rubbish to just leave him.
Of course it can get boring at times, but what makes it far more interesting is having DH and father of the child share in the child’s happiness together.
This is the definition of family time. Coming together to enjoy each other’s company. Enjoying the children and getting pleasure from seeing them have fun. It really doesn’t matter if this is at the park, at a theme park, on holiday or playing in the garden. It could be anywhere doing anything you enjoy. If you love and connect with your partner, why wouldn’t you want to spend time with them, chatting and engaging with your child together?
I know it’s said 1000x but the years go by so so fast. Before you blink they won’t want to go to the park anymore, they will want to meet up with friends or do their own thing. Soak up every last weekend and have your alone time when they are asleep

@MJMG2015 - she didn't actually say it like that though, did she. It sounds like the husband just declared it was 'family time' as a reason to sulk and guilt OP into staying with him because he knows how utterly tedious it is (never mind that OP does it alone every single day). Just because he sulks because he doesn't want to push his child on the swings doesn't mean it's special family time. As I said, the family time could be at home; sharing a book, playing a game, doing an activity together. Family time doesn't have to be all standing around the swings just because the husband declares it so because it would be nicer for him if his wife kept him company and was there to parent too.

@supersonicginandtonic

Aww your poor little boy. I bet your one of those mums who sits on her phone, rather than play with her kids.

Yesterday we went to a farm park and then for food at a child friendly pub, today we went for a long walk, leaf and chestnut picking, then did leaf rubbings and had a Sunday roast.

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

Goodness. :o

[quote Laaalaaaa]@Howlooseisyourgoose FFS I’ve seen it all now, the word hysterical is now sexist. WOW. Oh and for reference, I am 100% female - I just think that responses on here can be hysterically pathetic.[/quote]
Fun fact: the word ‘hysterical’ is derived from the Greek word for uterus. (See also ‘hysterectomy’). It was originally a pejorative word applied only to women. So yes, technically sexist.

Your shiny badge is in the post, @supersonicginandtonic. What a toe curling cringefest.

YANBU to want time away at the weekends for yourself.
This should be discussed and agreed with both parents in advance.

YABU to walk away from the park and leave your husband to it because it’s boring.

My DH regularly takes the kids out at the weekend because I have them all week and I want a break. Plus it’s good for the kids to spend time with him alone because they don’t get to do that during the week. This is discussed and agreed in advance.

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

I've got some pretty earth-shattering news for you: you can choose to be a mum and sometimes have alone time to read a book, or do anything else you fancy. Yesterday morning I lay in bed for two hours reading and DS, who was being cared for by his loving and attentive father, didn't explode or anything.