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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think watching my husband push the toddler on the swings is family time.

185 replies

uisage · 11/10/2020 20:24

We had a wee walk earlier which culminated in the park around the corner (2 mins from my house at toddler speed). I said to my husband I would go home and do something useful with my time, and DH got upset because he wanted to spend some time as a family.

Watching a 2yo being pushed on the swings (DS requires at least half an hour, he really loves the swings) isn't really quality family time in my opinion.

It's boring enough pushing a swing for half an hour (and I have done a lot of that since the parks reopened), let alone watching someone else push.

I went home, did some tidying and then read some of my book.

Wibu?

OP posts:
Serengetiqueen · 11/10/2020 21:44

Feel sorry for your kid....you just see doing simple family things as a chore. One day before you know it they’ll be all grown up and you will hanker for time with them again ....only they’ll be off then, living their own lives.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 11/10/2020 21:48

@Hardbackwriter

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

I've got some pretty earth-shattering news for you: you can choose to be a mum and sometimes have alone time to read a book, or do anything else you fancy. Yesterday morning I lay in bed for two hours reading and DS, who was being cared for by his loving and attentive father, didn't explode or anything.

Tisk.

You could have been using those precious two hours to skip through a meadow with your DS you know?

HateIsNotGood · 11/10/2020 21:48

It's irrelevant shit like this that makes me thankful I've been a single parent for the whole deal (0-19yrs).

Hopoindown31 · 11/10/2020 21:50

@ohtherewearethen

Surprised you didn't just go the whole hog and call him controlling and tell her to LTB.

Hardbackwriter · 11/10/2020 21:54

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou oh, you wouldn't believe what a dreadful mother I am. Not only do I sometimes read in bed rather than skip through meadows, I also work and sometimes spend time with my friends even though I have recently come to realise, after it was posted on the millionth Mumsnet thread, that I 'won't get this time back, you know' (it had never occurred to me before because like most working mothers I lack a full understanding of the linear and finite nature of time).

elliejjtiny · 11/10/2020 21:55

Yabu. I would love to take my dc to the park. I can't because my youngest has autism and so we need 2 people to go. Dh thinks it's not worth the hassle when we've got a big garden with swings etc in. Mil used to come with me and help before lockdown but now she is shielding.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 11/10/2020 21:56

In the bin with you.

earthtopluto · 11/10/2020 22:01

Couldn't you have pushed him together? I regularly go to the park with my son and my dad. When he's on the swings, I push and my dad stands behind my toddler and tickles him when the swing gets close enough. It's very cute. We also chat, and interact with my son. Sometimes we'll push him and both run behind him then jump out in front of him which results in lots of giggles (really wishing I was at the park now!).

Ohtherewearethen · 11/10/2020 22:01

@Hopoindown31 - what on earth are you going on about?

Hopoindown31 · 11/10/2020 22:06

@Ohtherewearethen

"Sulking" and "guilting" - very much doubt you'd be using those words if it was the OP upset that her DH wouldn't spend time with her and her DS at the park.

Shizzlestix · 11/10/2020 22:06

I would have asked the dh to take the toddler while you got on with jobs/had some alone time if that’s what you wanted. I go with mine to the park because we chat.

MrMeSeeks · 11/10/2020 22:06

What a really sad post. I’d be really hurt and pissed with you if you were my my dp.

supersonicginandtonic · 11/10/2020 22:07

@Hardbackwriter oh don't get me wrong I have plenty of time to myself and so does my partner. We are also very lucky that my mum has the children so we can get out together but when we go out together as a family, one of us just doesn't disappear and leave the other alone.

supersonicginandtonic · 11/10/2020 22:09

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou I think
My post came acros completely wrong. I wasn't saying you shouldn't have tome to youself, of course that is important, especially for mental health.
What I meant was of you go out together as a family; you don't just declare it's crap and go and do something else, leaving your partner with the child.
If OP didn't want to, why did she go in the first place.

Notanotherwooname · 11/10/2020 22:11

@BoudicasBoudoir

You explained that in a much more polite way then I was about to...😂

FunDragon · 11/10/2020 22:15

Aww your poor little boy. I bet your one of those mums who sits on her phone, rather than play with her kids.

Yesterday we went to a farm park and then for food at a child friendly pub, today we went for a long walk, leaf and chestnut picking, then did leaf rubbings and had a Sunday roast.

Of course i would have loved to have more me time and read a book but I chose to be a mum so family time it is.

Tbf I’m pretty sure this poster’s being ironic - noone’s that devoid of self-awareness!

Monty27 · 11/10/2020 22:16

OP you and dp need to agree what family time and me time is. Cleaning should be a separate issue as well.
You need to agree how time should be allotted. And don't forget your date nights in ☺️

lljkk · 11/10/2020 22:20

I am curious what OP considers quality family time if hanging out pushing child on swings isn't it.

Frankola · 11/10/2020 22:22

I'd class doing something my child enjoys all together as family time.

I find it a bit sad that you'd rather walk off than spend some time just being with your kid while they do something they enjoy.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 11/10/2020 22:25

@Frankola

I'd class doing something my child enjoys all together as family time.

I find it a bit sad that you'd rather walk off than spend some time just being with your kid while they do something they enjoy.

She takes him to the park on her own every day.
takemetomars · 11/10/2020 22:27

You ABU. Life with a toddler is rarely exciting. Man up and get on with it!!

Newjez · 11/10/2020 22:27

Take your book to the park.

Christ, I don't know why some people have children.

GabsAlot · 11/10/2020 22:30

youve asked the wrong aibu op

it should be why cant my dh give me a half hour break from looking after our ds all week

nostaples · 11/10/2020 22:37

Pushing your toddler on the swings IS family time. What you actually did was me time. Perhaps you are getting the two mixed up and what you wanted was the me time.

My children are nearly grown up and I am v recently divorced. I have a lot of time to be on my own reading books now but I would give a lot to return to pushing them on swings with my dh. I think you should learn to appreciate the moment.

likeafishneedsabike · 11/10/2020 22:54

@GabsAlot

youve asked the wrong aibu op

it should be why cant my dh give me a half hour break from looking after our ds all week

Yes, you’ve expressed it wrongly OP. It’s not that you have such different ideas for ‘family time’ (I hate the expression) It’s that you didn’t want family time anyway. You needed an hour or two to yourself and the father of the child always tries to get out of caring for his child by declaring family time. This is a convenient way of communicating that he can’t be arsed to do toddler stuff - like pushing a swing - on his own.
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