The cremation where the sons were forced away from their mother

[fancyginglass]

You have probably seen the clip where the father has died and the mother is sitting on her own sobbing. Her two sons pull their chairs nearer her to comfort her and are told off. I'm sorry but this is barbaric. If that was my mother I couldn't leave her sobbing on her own - especially as there is no way the boys hadn't been in her house or comforted her - in fact they had been living with her for 2 1/2 weeks. I know they are trying to keep cases down but if you can't comfort someone who is bereaved what is the point?

Totally agree. The rules need to be applied with a grain of fucking humanity.

Agreed.

My elderly DF died at the beginning of lockdown. My DM was told she had to stand by herself at the graveside service as we had to stand with our household groups. We weren't allowed funeral limos so god only knows how she was expected to get to the actual funeral common sense took hold and my sister drove her and stood with her. In all of this I hugged my mum once at the end of the funeral service - the hardest thing ever

Agreed. I cannot imagine being that much of a jobsworth - it's not like there was someone lurking ready to arrest the crematorium workers if the Rule of Chair Moving was broken - by someone who is in her bloody support bubble anyway.

We had a funeral near us. 200 plus people and accompanied by a police escort for the procession and service. Apparently that was ok.

When my dad died during lockdown, the funeral director agreed to treat me, my mum and siblings as one household - which made sense as we'd all be helping care for him during the final weeks anyway. What a nasty jobsworth mentality someone must have, to think enforcing "the rulz" is the most important thing here.

I agree that people should be able and allowed to act based upon their own risk assessment.

But I do wonder if the crematorium would be at risk if they weren't seen to be upholding the law; given that it was streamed the evidence would be there for all to see. And they can't risk being fined/closed down/whatever the punishment might be.

I don't think I could bring myself to enforce the rules but perhaps they felt there was no choice.

Completely agree. It was an awful thing to do.

I think we are stamping roughshod over basic humanity, and people are going full stasi to support it.

This isn’t the world I want to live in.

This is the problem when you have any kind of blanket rule, which still does not stop some plonkers from doing whatever they bloody well want (see raves, massive funerals, house parties, whatever).

Between selfish/inconsiderate acts and people terrified that they could be seen to do the Wrong Thing, this kind of situation arises.

Poor family

But I do wonder if the crematorium would be at risk if they weren't seen to be upholding the law

It's not just about what's lawful though, it's about what's ethical.

I am just as appalled at those who allowed that individual to behave in such an abhorrent way.

At my mother in laws funeral we were told that the casket would have to be wheeled in and not carried and the undertaker refused to do that and insisted she be carried in. They also didn’t insist on face coverings in the funeral car.

The crematorium also said that household groups had to sit separately but on the day they never said a word and we sat together. They dealt with it with common sense and we really appreciated that.

That footage really annoyed me.

I don't know about the rest of you but I now feel as if we are living in a dictatorship and rules are being passed at the whim of our so called leaders. Most people I know have completely stuck to the rules but I am beginning to question them and the fact that our basic rights and freedom are being taken away from us.

If you're referring to the article about the Milton Keynes crematorium, the council has already apologised and said their staff were too heavy-handed and that people in bubbles should be seated together.

See www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.miltonkeynes.co.uk/news/people/council-apologises-not-allowing-mourners-comfort-each-other-funeral-milton-keynes-2993552%3famp

It's totally barbaric and cruel but you can't blame the crematorium

The funeral was live streamed and so they could easily have been reported, fined and perhaps eventually closed down.

The member of staff could have handled it much better though. To come running in like that was awful.

Is it even law in England or is it just guidance?

This is the country where elderly, frail and confused people are denied the presence of their loved ones for months on end. This tends to lead to a decline in their physical health as well as mental.

My dad died during lockdown when we went into crematorium. All seats were separate but the orderly told us immediate family can pull chairs together
There compassion was so welcome .

It is barbaric.

The only thing is, if you watch the full video, the one son moves to his Mum, then the other. Then someone behind starts to move too, so it was getting a little silly.

I wonder if the third person hadn't started dragging his chair, the crem would have just let it be.

I agree. People need to stand up against this kind of thing.

amicissimma I think for these people not seeing their family and thinking they are being abandoned is probably causing far more deaths than covid - imagine ending your life like that - it's just cruel.

It was enough that the crematorium communicated the rules and made spaced seating available. Had they turned a blind eye when close mourners moved close together, having allowed them the opportunity to distance, that would have been enough in my view.

It's also bloody stupid. The sons could easily go round to their mothers after the funeral and probably planned to do that anyway.
I hardly think they would have gone home without speaking to or comforting her.

To me it wasn't that he was upholding rules they didn't introduce, it was the way he spoke to them. No warmth, no empathy, just stamping across to give them a bollocking. It was so disrespectful, and frankly the guy is in the wrong job.

Yes it is totally ridiculous.