AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

Don't have family nearby either - eek! Not easy but manageable. Best of luck.

@YellowBeryl1 tried to get into the field of work I’m in, only managed to get a part time job, so reduced hours at my other job, was made redundant at my other job. So hence now 20 hours a week.

After your latest post OP I think it’s clear that securing a well paying job is difficult for you, despite having 2 degrees. Having a baby will not make that easier.

It’s fine I’ll just abort. I can’t see this situation getting better.

I’m a single parent of three, went back into work when DD1 was 18 months. Never really stopped other than short maternity. Became a single parent when DD3 was born (literally a month after). And I do mean truly single as ex does not pay anything and only sees them sporadically every few weeks for a few hours.

I’m now at director level. Not saying it’s easy, and it’s certainly not cheap, but it is doable.

@Smallsteps88 same

Abort?

Have you got a newborn??

She’s pregnant

If you want the baby with top up benefits to fund childcare you can make it work.

I used tax credits and childcare funding with no qualms, and now all 3 are school age and I don’t need any top ups, in fact I can’t even get child benefit! If you really focus, and get lucky to have that first step (which it sounds like you have in the PT role?) you can do it.

HOWEVER if you don’t want a baby, or you simply feel that life isn’t for you right now, then your body your choice x

It absolutely is possible - I am a working single parent with no family support whatsoever. It’s cost me a lot in childcare and I am lucky enough to have a fairly well paid job. It’s not easy, a lot of organisation is needed and you never get any down time. But it’s possible.

Fair play to all of you, I am finding it bloody hard.
Especially as I have nobody to turn to for Covid-related isolation.
My employer is probably going to regret hiring me if it happens again.
What are you all doing if not working from home and no family/external support?

I kicked out my lying cheating exh and had a 2 yr old and 7yr old. Took myself off to uni to get a degree, loads of financial support etc, then my PGCE. Got a job lecturing in a FE college immediately after and did that for 10 years, whilst I met my now very dh.

It's very possible.

Can I add that I have zero family support. You can do it but if you decide not to that’s also fine. My experience is that it’s tough being a single parent but it’s tough being a parent full stop. It’s amazing how life works out. Do what’s right for you. Whatever you decide. I’ll bet it works out. Good luck

Its possible with one child, not with two. i wouldn't bother with a newborn but I successfully worked as a single mum as a nurse for years and bought a house for us.

I'm a single parent. Did retain my job when their dad buggered off. Came apparent very quickly oldest has very complex SEN and I couldn't keep my job and give her what she needed.

A huge part depends on support network and job already being established ImO

I had no family either.

I managed a few years back in part time wages topped up with child benefit and tax credits oncluding help with childcare. I got no maintenance. Its going back a few years but I think the system is geared up to encourage people to work. If you don’t own your own home or have savings you might well get additional help for rent/council tax. The ‘entitled to’ website is the one to try also the money saving expert forums are very good. Good luck.

Oh, and I used the free nursery mornings, had CTC to help with nursery and after school etc when I was working.

Luckily the primary had a nursery attached with before and after school support. Tax credits and housing benefit topped up wages, but I'm guessing universal credit replaces that now.

It's a pain when kids get sick and you're on your own but luckily employers were supportive.

I’m a single parent working full time. It’s really hard though and I’m lucky that I have a decent job that I can pay for help. My family are feck all help and my ex pays nothing. But I manage.

sequins I used to have grandparent support but they are shielding from the kids now. I am mainly WFH but have started to travel again.

I use A mix of the kindness of other school mums who I recipricate for when they need me and the daughter of a friend cash in hand for overnights. At £10 an hour it does mean I spend a LOT.

Friend of mine has an au pair but I’m not comfortable with that.

Before I earned enough to be able to afford it it just meant trying to book travel and meetings around rushing to breakfast club and after school. It was knackering but worth it in the long run.

An understanding employer is probably the thing that makes it work.

Have you checked entitled to yet to see what help you'd get with benefits?

I meant specifically covid-related dilemma - I have wrap around care but obviously they cannot take an isolating child if their class bubble has burst and we are in a local lockdown area. I should have found another single parent with no other family/friend bubble and made a bubble with them I guess then we could have taken each others' kids for 5 school days each. But the situation long term is not tenable - if second lockdown I will count as keyworker but if another isolation or it comes round in circles, I fear I will fail my probationary period.

@36pregnant - it’s absolutely your choice. Please don’t feel it’s hopeless though- look up entitled to website and get all the help you can. Don’t be ashamed at all of getting benefits either.

Good luck whatever you do

@CayrolBaaaskin thanks.
I’m getting different results on that website and I feel ashamed to be single, pregnant by a guy I don’t know, perhaps not being able to cope, no one to help and being alone for many hours.