AIBU to think being a single working parent is financially not possible

[36pregnant]

How do single parents actually manage to survive? I’ve tired in vain to find ways to work part time (thanks Covid) and have a newborn. It seems that it’s not possible and really benefits are the only way.

My mortgage is £600 per month. So I’m scraping by at the moment. I have a lodger but I wouldn’t share a house with a child.
I just don’t know if this is workable :/

@Meme69

I have 3 children, am a single parent and work full time. It is totally do-able, once you get a decent job. It is the getting a decent job that is the hard bit.

Same for me.

My marriage ended when my children were 2, 4 & 6. My ex was abusive & manipulative and rarely had the kids.

He did provide a certain amount of financial support.

I'm well qualified & had a good job but at the time, coming out of recession, it was a contract role. When it ended, I struggled to find a job I could do.

Eventually I got back into employment, part-time, contract role. Then got a full-time role, then promoted.

I've a middle management role in education which I love. But it's hard.

IMO working f/t is important - it's got to work financially. The childcare has been a nightmare for me. I've no family support around.

WFH (due to Covid) tho challenging has been a godsend; I can work around the kids, although I work a lot of mornings, evenings & w/ends to get it all done but at least I see my kids.

It gets easier as they get older. V hard with a newborn.

I agree that getting the job is the hard part - when you do, it is doable. 💐

I have a 9 year old and a dog. Been a single parent for 2 years. It’s been tough and I already had a full time high paying work from home job. I pay a dog walker once a day and am considering a cleaner. Without family support I’d have to pay for a child minder to do school pick up or work part time. I can afford this but it would cut into our fun money. I wouldn’t want to have done this since she was a baby. I’d definitely have needed paid childcare and I was only earning half what I am now 10 years ago (ex wasn’t working so he did school runs).

Of course it is possible if you have a good job, supportive employer and earn enough.

To be clear I am not a single parent.

But if DH walked tomorrow I would be fine. I get 6m maternity leave at full pay from my employer, plus another 13 weeks on smp. I can flex my hours and work at least half the days from home. I earn more than enough to cover the childcare bill with my childminder and to afford a 2 bed flat on my own plus have easily enough for food, bills, disposable income.

In London there are thousands of women earning enough that they are not eligible for even child benefit.

I work full time as a teacher (don't go into that on a whim, by the way!), have done since dd was ten months old, no family support and ex is not allowed contact with dd anyway.

It's hard, so very hard. I find the worst bit is feeling so resentful that I have to be at work all day and don't get to actually see my child grow up, and wishing away her babyhood so I can get the 30 hours.

Oh and because I have 'savings' aka my inheritance from when my dad dropped dead, which was supposed to go on dd's future, I am not eligible for anything apart from tax free childcare. Basically I pay to go to work.

It sucks, but if you are strong and super organised, you can do it. Just be prepared for the guilt, all of the guilt 😫

If you really want the baby, have it. You will make it work. I'm not talking out of my arse here.

£13k, even part time, isnt a high wage. Do you only work 2 or 3 days a week?

I personally would not want to be a single parent on that wage. As you say, working would be largely pointless trying to make work financially.

[quote 36pregnant]@MountainMert family member is doing it at the moment. I’m pretty sure as we have both got degrees we don’t get any help.[/quote]
You need a degree to do a PGCE. I'm almost 100% sure you get all the help. If you're in England - I am absolutely, 100% sure you do.

I've always been a single parent working part time, it's doable if you are good at budgeting every penny.

I've always worked full-time, get childcare vouchers & been a single parent since dd2 was 4 months old.
I only became completely financially independent when she went to school. Before then I needed maintenance money to stay afloat. (Earn too much for benefits, but live in London so £££ mortgage & childcare costs)

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland I work 20 hours a week

I'm a single working parent. It's tough and you always feel guilt but we're doing ok.

@bubblebubblebubbletrouble I don’t think the childcare vouchers are available nowadays for children a few months old?

Lots of people who say 'I managed fine' are only single parents by name but actually have a huge support network providing free childcare and picking up the slack. If you have parents who live next door and are willing to take care of your kids 24-7 then of course you can.

If you have a newborn, are not already in a very high paid career or don't have free childcare on tap then unless you're very lucky and a WFH job or take your kid to work job falls into your lap you won't manage. You're much better off thinking forward a few years and seeing if you can do a degree or train for a job that can fit around school.

I wouldn’t do it again if I had the choice. I earn a decent enough wage, and good maintenance payments. But it’s still horrifically bleak. It’s a struggle bringing up a child on a single income, and I have to be very fiscally prudent as I’m budgeting for a life alone. It’s the one decision you can’t change once you’ve made it.

OP yes it an be very difficult especially with little family support. Hang on in there and just do whatever you have to do to get through the next few years. Nursery and starting school are God sends for working single parents

I've been single parent since dd2 was 18 months.

I'm in the same job since before I had kids. I had a few years spending every penny on childcare and things were tough.

I moved to cheaper area 3 years ago (though I knew no one and had to "start again") and started working from home which has been mostly fab. Life is more balanced and family friendly.

But really it only works because I'm in an established job. If I had to change jobs ..... well I can't imagine it.

I have been a single parent since DS was 10 months old. I did not return to work until he was 4 and in school full time when I was lucky enough to find a school hours job. Rightly or wrongly it just wasn't financially viable as I've got no education and have only ever done minimum wage jobs.

It's doable if you worked in a full-time, well-paid job before the child(ren) came along. If you can pay a mortgage and bills, plus childcare (for a baby/young child) and have some left over, then it can work. The reality is that you would need to be earning a minimum of about £30k per year to be able to fund all of that.

It's very difficult but doable. I adopted my daughter on my own when she was 4, so wraparound school childcare (though still expensive) was not as costly as full time care. I had a well paying job before becoming a mum, but I just couldn't give that much of my life to my career anymore. Getting a MUCH less well paid job was the only thing to do to keep all plates spinning. I work 98% and I'm nearly broken financially a few years later...but not quite. It is doable for me, just! and I'm hoping now that it's possible to increase my pay slightly. Good luck finding what will work for you - that's the hardest bit. I love it that I am just about hanging this together!

I found it hard, can I ask why you only work 20 hours a week? I took a year off for maternity leave but had been working full time a long time so had savings. Then have worked full time since. I'm lucky i can use some unpaid leave for a couple of weeks a year (nice employer) and I use my holiday allowance during school holidays.

Those working full time as a single parent, where does your child go if not school age? For us with no parental support, the cost of childcare may outweigh wages.

I managed fine as a single parent and had no free childcare, my parents both work full time. I used before and after school club, worked part time in a job that is super flexible and pays well. I'm sure it would have been much harder with a tiny baby though.

@BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet I have a degree, two of them to be precise. I just haven’t been able to get my foot on the ladder so to speak.

Personally, seeing the irreversible effect having DC has had on my ability to work and create some financial security, if given the choice to make again, I wouldn’t have had them without a shit tonne more financial security already established and a rock solid relationship.