MIL asking for thanks

[Sookiestackhouse5]

It was dd’s birthday last week. She received a voucher from PIL.
6 days later my DH has a strained conversation on the phone with MIL where she points out that she hasn’t been thanked for the voucher. She started going on about her generation & so on, making it clear she thinks it’s rude to not yet have had a thank you.
Let me add some context here as well. It’s been a very difficult few months for us. Dd developed (out of the blue) a medical/ mental health issue that has taken some adjusting to, & has understandably caused some significant stress. She has gone from being completely normal to now being classed as special educational needs at school.
A month after that happened my DH was taken into hospital for urgent surgery to treat a progressive condition he has. He has recovered well & gone back to work but is unable to drive at present so I am chauffeuring him about, as well as the dcs and working myself. Plus I’m worrying about the progression of his condition which is happening faster than we anticipated.
We both work quite stressful jobs.
What I’m saying here is that we feel like we have a lot on our plate, & are juggling a lot a balls.

I’m annoyed that after only 6 days we are being told off for not giving thanks yet. It’s not that I’m not grateful, just with everything else going on we hadn’t gotten round to her spending the voucher & saying thank you.
AIBU to be so annoyed??

Blimey, MN and thank you threads are indeed a parallel universe.

Hope you’re all ok OP, I’d forget this and focus on yourselves instead now.

YABU, this really annoys me. Nobody thanks people now, it shows a lack of respect.
As others have said a text or quick phone call takes seconds/minutes.
I appreciate you’ve had a shit time, I really hope things improve for you but don’t become those members of the family who do that, it causes huge resentment and teaches your child the same.

YABU it takes two seconds to write a text, if you can post on Mumsnet you can send a thank you across.

@PuppyMonkey

Blimey, MN and thank you threads are indeed a parallel universe.

Hope you’re all ok OP, I’d forget this and focus on yourselves instead now.

I agree. A parallel universe I don't wish to be part of; one where selfish people just "focus on themselves" and stuff everyone around them.

Ffs, how hard is it to ping a thank you across, whether it's from you or your dh? Partly depends on your usual set-up. If this is something you've always handled, then it's a bit off to hand it over to your dh now it's gone wrong. If he has always done the presents/cards/thank yous, then you can continue to distance yourself from it. If neither of you have ever sent thank yous, then you are both unreasonable, I think, and you are lucky you're even continuing to receive gifts.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover Exactly and it's a pity MIL , DS didn't send one to his own mother.

Arf, call me Angelina...

Honestly I would much rather go without '' gifts '' from these sorts of people!!

If Mil can't show some understanding at this point in her families time... Her own sick son...

@Autumngoldleaf That's so true. The OP is probably angry about this very thing. Why isn't her MIL more concerned about her DS's condition than about a thank you text?

"Honestly I would much rather go without '' gifts '' from these sorts of people!!"
Great. Problem solved.

The OP is probably angry about this very thing. Why isn't her MIL more concerned about her DS's condition than about a thank you text?

Maybe the MIL doesn’t know about the sick GD or son.... Not one member of the family seems capable of sending a simple text message.

A thankyou text and quick apology would have taken less time than starting this post.

It's rude of you and you DD and so YABU. You say thank you for a gift, seriously, how hard is that to grasp?

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

It's rude of you and you DD and so YABU. You say thank you for a gift, seriously, how hard is that to grasp?

Another wifework post. and if these people posting have sons. We can see what kind of men they will turn out to be eh.

A quick call/text to say thanks doesn't take long/cost anything.

Its basic manners.

You've had a tough time of it, but you managed to find time to post here, you could find time to say thanks.

Another wifework post. hmm and if these people posting have sons. We can see what kind of men they will turn out to be eh.

According to the OP, the husband is too ill.
The DD is also too ill.

Who would you suggest keeps in contact with parents on either side?

Its rather rude not to say Thank You for a gift. However, it is manipulative and nasty to sulk and weigh up the thanks and then use it to dole out future gifts.

What is a gift? I have never forgotten many years ago a friend telling me he volunteered in a place where the people were poor. If they gave something, they felt it should come from the heart and they would miss that item. This would connect wthem with the person they gave to.

It’s really not ‘wife-work’ to keep close extended family informed when everyone else (as it seems In this case) is incapacitated. Did the OP not let the PIL know that theirGD and son are ill?

Yabvvvu. A phone or video call can take 5 minutes.

@Lolaloveslemonade

Another wifework post. hmm and if these people posting have sons. We can see what kind of men they will turn out to be eh.

According to the OP, the husband is too ill.
The DD is also too ill.

Who would you suggest keeps in contact with parents on either side?

Is he too Ill to fire off a text? Or does that theme running rampant on this thread not apply to men?

@Lolaloveslemonade

It’s really not ‘wife-work’ to keep close extended family informed when everyone else (as it seems In this case) is incapacitated. Did the OP not let the PIL know that theirGD and son are ill?

That's quite a stretch, even if it is to desperately lay blame at someone's feet

Why didn't grandma ring her granddaughter on her birthday? If husband's could take a whingy phone call from his mother, why didn't he send a Thankyou text?

Is he too Ill to fire off a text? Or does that theme running rampant on this thread not apply to men?

Sounds like he is. Otherwise OP would have read ‘DH hasn’t bothered contacting his parents to thank them for DD’s present’

OP herself uses his incapacitating illness as an excuse for lack of contact from everyone.

Why didn't grandma ring her granddaughter on her birthday? If husband's could take a whingy phone call from his mother, why didn't he send a Thankyou text?

Why indeed!

Why can’t anyone in this whole family find a few seconds to send a text?

Nobody has said it is wifework. Either party very likely vcould have and should have fired off a thank you text or phone call.

Nobody has said it is wifework

It obviously isn’t wife-work but there are people upthread who are saying that if you think the OP is BU, you believe it is.

I think its rude to not say thank you BUT the op and her family has been going through such a tough time- surely people who care about you wouldnt hold this against you??
If the rules are so rigid then life will be extremely tough to cope with!

Your mil is just so ridiculous- it seems like she wanted the praise.
OP I went through something so difficult in the midst of my ds birthday. My dsis went out of her way to spoil him and it was almost 2 months later that I forgot to thank her. She told me not to be ridiculous. People who support you will understand that sometimes you need to suck it up because theres bigger things in life than your ego.