Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

[aibuQuestion]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

@MiddleClassProblem yes I'l take a stress ball... or 10

[quote MiddleClassProblem]@BessMarvin
This is from WHO:
Based on what we currently know, transmission of COVID-19 is primarily occurring from people when they have symptoms, and can also occur just before they develop symptoms, when they are in close proximity to others for prolonged periods of time.

So DH felt unwell a few days after the OP did on the Saturday, the day after the results. So it’s really unlikely he passed it on to anyone. If he had a very short incubation period and delayed symptoms, it’s still unlikely he was contagious between touching germs in his house on Tuesday and finding out the results on Friday, iyswim.[/quote]
I'll just refer you to my previous comment

@MiddleClassProblem

And my point is that it wouldn’t have made much difference

The friend who chose not to tell doesn't know if this is the case or not

Thank you for referring me to a point you made after my comment

@MiddleClassProblem

Thank you for referring me to a point you made after my comment

Sorry you've misunderstood. I didn't mean you should have read it, just that I didn't see the point in typing it again

Lol gotcha 😉

@MiddleClassProblem

Lol gotcha 😉

Cos otherwise totally valid point

It probably would have been best to tell you with a temperature of 38 and a new cough. (It’s odd that she told you her exact temperature btw). But equally I can see why she might not have done. Presumably she knows you’re on the more paranoid side of the spectrum (washing groceries etc). Her symptoms might have been quite mild - 38 isn’t a massively high temperature, her cough might not have been continuous, she didn’t have the loss of taste of smell - she probably wasn’t sure, knew there would be some drama whenever she told you, and didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily.

Btw I know that lots of people have managed not to infect their family members, but you’re still more likely to infect them than not.

I hope you all get well soon.

Irrelevant to the outcome but important to you 😁

All this so your friend could 'run an errand'? Yes, you should be angry - at yourself for taking a needless risk and now finding you and your family are infected. Your friend should have got someone in her own household to take the baby. If they couldn't, then she couldn't run her errand. Simples. That's how life is at the moment. You've been a fool for thinking you've been 'careful' when you actually didn't follow the rules. That said, she should have told you when she decided to get a test, so you're both at fault. Did she pressure you to babysit? Was it for some life-or-death 'errand'?

I can understand why you are annoyed because you are unwell but you are taking a risk in any of these situations. If she knew she had covid and let you look after the child then that would be U of her but if she is telling the truth about when symptoms started then I'm not sure what more she could have done.

Also I think it's reasonable to tell you once she has the test result. I was unwell last week and have a covid test. It was negative. What would I have achieved by telling everyone I felt unwell before I even knew if it was covid.

I suggest you don't babysit for people as you are not being as careful as you say. Anyone could have it and not yet have symptoms.

@MiddleClassProblem

Irrelevant to the outcome but important to you 😁

If that was to me I don't understand, but if it wasn't then that's probably why I don't!

I have read further posts and since you babysat for her and did her a favour she could have told you she had a temp and cough as that was likely to be covid but I can understand why she would want to wait for test results as well.

@MiddleClassProblem that Craig David reference has made me

@FunDragon I'm still doing it

YABVVVVU

She probably should have said but I do think its irrelevant really. I know you said had you known you would have been more careful etc but you caught the bug from 1 hour of baby sitting, I doubt you could have stopped it from spreading in your own home. The only way you could have prevented this is by not babysitting.

People are losing their heads a bit with this virus. It spreads, you'll catch it if you put yourself in these positions. Like I said probably should have given a heads up but I wouldnt bother mentioning it, or give it any more headspace.

@BessMarvin it was at you. Read my earlier posts to why op knowing any sooner wouldn’t have impacted the outcome of who got it an who didn’t, including DH’s friends. I’m not sure why you don’t understand but it sounds that you are not like OP and would be on the safe side and not breaking the rules anyway as OP did.

OP of course YANBU she should have told you as soon as she had symptons.

You chose to break the rules accept the risk by having close contact with another household (cuddling the baby & possibly coming into close contact with your friend during handover of the baby), so unfortunately you can't just blame your friend for being careless.
Whilst I understand the need to want to help a friend, a more sensible approach here would've been to offer to walk the baby in a pram round the local park for an hour or two whilst your friend carried out her errand.
It's simple really - observe proper social distancing and the risk is minimal.

@Washimal I'd not been in such close contact with anyone since about Feb bar my immediate family.

It's a good friend - I don't blame her for getting the virus nor for passing it on and sorry to break it to all those presuming I did, but I think that's highly unlikely given that I'd barely left the house in the last couple of weeks and my DH cycles to work half of the week (rest of the time WFH) and works with strict SD rules. When I asked where she thought she got it she said there was too many options to narrow it down.

I just hoped a good friend who got the actual main symptoms soon after being in my house would have let me know ASAP, so I suppose my anger (around not being told sooner than 48 hours after her symptoms appeared) is tinged with hurt - and upset that I didn't protect my DD from it.

As others have said I'm also a bit baffled why the timeline doesn't make sense for some posters

@cautiouscovidity not blaming my friend for the actual virus...

Agree that would have been a great alternative! Hopefully someone has learned from my silly mistake anyway.

[quote aibuQuestion]@Washimal I'd not been in such close contact with anyone since about Feb bar my immediate family.

It's a good friend - I don't blame her for getting the virus nor for passing it on and sorry to break it to all those presuming I did, but I think that's highly unlikely given that I'd barely left the house in the last couple of weeks and my DH cycles to work half of the week (rest of the time WFH) and works with strict SD rules. When I asked where she thought she got it she said there was too many options to narrow it down.

I just hoped a good friend who got the actual main symptoms soon after being in my house would have let me know ASAP, so I suppose my anger (around not being told sooner than 48 hours after her symptoms appeared) is tinged with hurt - and upset that I didn't protect my DD from it.

As others have said I'm also a bit baffled why the timeline doesn't make sense for some posters [/quote]
But yabu to be angry about it when you had over 24 hours with the germs in your home before she had ANY symptoms. It wouldn’t have made any difference. You were very unlikely to be able to protect you DD from this. That’s what people are saying!

Would you be upset at someone giving you a cold before they even knew they had a cold? It's a virus. It spreads. You agreed to mind the child, your friend had no symptoms, there was no reason to think there was an issue. It's just the way things are that viruses spread. It's not your friends fault at all. YABU.

Op fwiw yes, she should have messaged you really on Wed to say heads up, I feel like crap, ordering some covid testsm. Fingers crossed but I'll update you.

You wouldn't have been obliged to isolate until she got a positive and this I guess is why she didn't mention it. Probably didn't want to worry you for nothing etc. But yes, if I got symptoms, I would automatically warn the Moms I see at school every day and their children, whom my kid plays with, just as an "erm, eek!"
So na, yanbu to think she should have mentioned it