Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

[aibuQuestion]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

I would tell friends I'd been in contact with as soon as I got the main symptoms, no question. YANBU

(and some I hadn't been in contact with just for a little dose of sympathy )

"You wouldn't have been obliged to isolate until she got a positive and this I guess is why she didn't mention it. "

Well, exactly, but then you're placing the burden on that person to have to decide whether they should self-isolate just in case and all the worry that might be unnecessary. Anyone you meet at any time MIGHT have it.

You chose to babysit her child
Not her fault

And actually a similar thing happened to me recently. A friend I'd had a coffee with got symptoms next day and immediately messaged everyone who had been with her. I was due to be visiting my MIL (80+) that weekend and would not have gone if my friend hadn't messaged again next day to say test was negative. If she hadn't had test result back yet then we would have postponed visiting MIL.

And I still don't get why people on this thread don't understand your fairly basic timeline!

Babysitting, playdates and meeting up with relatives. That's a lot of people you are mixing with. I disagree you are being as careful as you should be, you are just picking and choosing the areas you want to be careful with. What if you had it already and it was you who passed it on to her? Yabu

YANBU. Of course she should have let you know. I informed a friend (who we’d met up with the previous day) that my daughter had a temperature and she was getting tested. Test was negative but felt I had to let her know and know she would have done the same.

THB, think your risk assessment is off kilter if you’re washing groceries (time and again told this isn’t necessary, since back in March/April) but going on play dates and visiting relatives (which is how the spread actually happens).

You babysat for an hour but you admit you hung out chatting with your friend inside your house afterwards. That’s how your house caught the virus. The timing of your friend telling you about her symptoms wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference.

Wow.

Can't believe so many people still not fully reading the OP in full where

SHE IS NOT BLAMING HER FRIEND FOR GIVING HER COVID

but her friend had symptoms of a cough and temp for 48 hours before telling OP (only once she'd got a positive test) who had by then potentially infected others including her DH and DC

You could have got it anywhere. You may have even passed it on to her.

Unless you and your family are shielding, you take the risk of catching covid every time you step out your front door.

As far as I can see most people have fully read and understood. Many are saying SHE WOULD HAVE EXPOSED HER DH AND DC TO IT ANYWAY

YABU

Perhaps she sensed you are overly stressed out by this and decided not to panic you until she'd had the results.

It wouldn't have made much difference anyway tbh.

I hope your family are on the road to recovery OP, and when you are all virus free and we'll again you can begin to relax a little.

I had a test yesterday at 11am and test results via email by 11pm - was shocked how quick as they advised 3 days plus

[quote MiddleClassProblem]**@BessMarvin* but the question was is AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?*

And the answers are that. Her friend not telling her over 24 hours after contact that she was starting to have symptoms wouldn’t have changed the fact that OP had already done the babysitting in her own home. The only thing it would have prevented would have been her DH going out but between Tuesday’s babysitting and Friday’s afternoon results, the likelihood that DH was infectious is really small! When is he meant to have seen his friends?

It’s just very over dramatic to be very angry when you were the person breaking the rules by having someone else’s baby in a sling on you for a prolonged period...[/quote]
This.

If I developed symptoms I would have let people know as a heads up, I guess maybe if it would mean you considering taking your child out of school etc she might have thought she didn't want to until she knew; as that isn't the case seems a bit odd not to.

I think you are being a bit harsh on your friend.

If someone that had been in my house, and I'd been in close contact with their child,, and they suspected they had covid (which she did given she got the test) then yes I'd be pissed off that they didn't at least text me with a 'just so you know, I've developed covid symptoms, I'm getting a test, I'll keep you updated' and waited until they had a definite positive before telling me. Like you say it means you were out spreading it and unaware while you could have taken action if youd know. It's a contagious disease, surely most people with symptoms should be erring on the side of caution unless its ruled out. And erring on the side of caution means informing people you've had contact with while you wait for the results in my opinion

I do think your family would most likely have got it anyway but the point is she didnt know what else you had planned, you could have visited vulnerable relatives etc in the meantime between being infected and knowing that she had had a positive result. That's why she should have told you

You’d really overreacting but yes you might have given your house a deep clean and waited for her test results to go out and about. Many people wouldn’t have done this.
Don’t fall out over it.
By the wait it is possible not to pass onto household contacts. I self isolated within bedroom and bathroom as soon as symptomatic. Apart for
DH driving me to test with kids in the car all
Wearing masks I stayed in one room for 8 days.

They all tested neg weeks after my positive .

You were still kidding and cuddling and being around your family between the time you babysat and the time she started to feel unwell. YABU.

Kissing

Yabvu

Being 'careful' includes, babysitting friends baby, playdates, seeing high risk family, your DH seeing friends. Really?

@Bluntness100

I think you’re being a bit harsh here. Sure in hindsight she should have contacted every single person she had been in contact with, but she wasn’t unwell when she saw you. Developed it after and informed you as soon as she knew. It is what it is.

That says it in a nutshell.

It's not your friend's fault, it could have happened anywhere.

I am however sorry you are ill and hope you make a speedy recovery.

Yabu. This is how stuff spreads.

I feel so shit reading this- I gave my friends son covid 2 weeks ago, I babysit so she could get coffee alone with her mum and started feeling unwell while he was with me. She too had been really careful and had effectively been a bit of a hermit since march. Was her first time out having a coffee.

Luckily for me shes not angry with me etc but the guilt is horrible

Yes she should have told you ASAP.

Unfortunately that fact won't change anything now, it's a stressful time for everyone and she probably had a lot on her mind.

Try to be understanding, and I hope you all recover quickly.