Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

[aibuQuestion]

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

I think YABU. You can’t be sure that you caught it from your friend- contaminated shopping and babies are not the only means of spreading the virus. Unless nobody left your house (you, husband and children) and nobody else came to your house in the two weeks before, you can’t be sure how you caught it. In fact, your friend may well be blaming you.

I think your friend was right to contact you once she knew she was CV positive.

The point of my AIBU was I'd have like to have been told when her symptoms developed - not over 48 hours later when the test result came through. I accept I got the infection but if we had been told on the day the temperature and cough developed, we would have isolated from then while waiting for her result.

If you're going to isolate as a household every time someone you've been in contact with develops a cough or a temperature then you may as well just shield until spring!

I thought the virus had a longer incubation period than just a few days.

Person I know met someone on Saturday last week. By Wednesday contacted by track and trace that that person they'd met was positive. Person did a test on the same day (no symptoms though) and test came back Friday positive

Just started showing symptoms on the Friday, 2 days after test was positive and 4 days after contact with positive case.

Actually, I think everyone gets your point.

There's quite a few posts suggest otherwise

@BessMarvin but the question was is AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

And the answers are that. Her friend not telling her over 24 hours after contact that she was starting to have symptoms wouldn’t have changed the fact that OP had already done the babysitting in her own home. The only thing it would have prevented would have been her DH going out but between Tuesday’s babysitting and Friday’s afternoon results, the likelihood that DH was infectious is really small! When is he meant to have seen his friends?

It’s just very over dramatic to be very angry when you were the person breaking the rules by having someone else’s baby in a sling on you for a prolonged period...

How do you know she didn't catch it from you? There are different incubation periods and it's just as likely you infected her

@emilyfrost

YABVU, as an almost entire thread of people have told you. She let you know she was positive as soon as she was aware.

No not almost an entire thread

YABU and you don't even know that she gave it to you

[quote user19990]@MiddleClassProblem your right, I am actually living in rage 🤣 🤦‍♀️[/quote]
Lol I think you need some stress relief, this is not good for you. Maybe the government should be providing stress balls...

YABU

@ScarMatty

Sorry but no. If I got a slight cough in the evening I would wait until the next day to see if it develops and then prioritise booking a test

Not contacting you

YABVU

The friend had 2 symptoms not a slight cough so how is this relevant?

@aibuQuestion

YABU I think you’re just annoyed you and your family have Covid and want someone to blame it’s not your friends fault she didn’t know she had it so you still would have caught it anyway

@aibuQuestion YANBU. She should’ve contacted you immediately when she had symptoms on the Wednesday night. There seems to be a lot of thick people on this thread that don’t understand timelines.

"Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members."

So covid tests aside, you were planning to see high risk family members, knowing that a few days before you had broken social distancing rules by having a friends baby strapped to you for an hour?

Yabu. You chose to babysit in the middle ofa pandemic when we’re supposed to be avoiding nonessential contact with other people; you chose to hold the baby close to you. It gave you covid, but the opposite might have happened: you could have passed covid to the baby with possible serious consequences.

I know you just wanted to help them but it was your bad call to say yes to babysitting that caused you to become infected.

Absolutely YABU.

If you want to shield, then shield.

If you want to go about your business, then life happens.

There is no way you can prove where you caught it from, no matter how likely you’ve decided it is to be her.

On reading your OP I was going to say that you were being unreasonable but actually reading your other posts I dont think you are. It would have been better for your friend to tell you that she had symptoms knowing she and her baby had been in contact with you. Then you could have been careful about who you were in contact with until the result was confirmed.

'Dear friend who baby sat for me, thought it best to give you a heads up, I have 2/3 symptoms of covid. I've booked a covid test. Fingers crossed it's negative, but I'll let you know the results.'

The her family and her self isolates and waits for results.

'In terms of protecting your family, if you are breathing in the same room there's not much else that can be done. Covid is transmitted through air not on surfaces.'

Incorrect.If Covid infected spray falls onto the surface it is now a possible virus transmitting area, that's why we use bleach.
I am sorry but you are very far behind.

@BessMarvin
This is from WHO:
Based on what we currently know, transmission of COVID-19 is primarily occurring from people when they have symptoms, and can also occur just before they develop symptoms, when they are in close proximity to others for prolonged periods of time.

So DH felt unwell a few days after the OP did on the Saturday, the day after the results. So it’s really unlikely he passed it on to anyone. If he had a very short incubation period and delayed symptoms, it’s still unlikely he was contagious between touching germs in his house on Tuesday and finding out the results on Friday, iyswim.

Well, at least now you can stop washing your groceries and opening your post at the door

Yes I think you friend should have probably told you, but to be honest it’s a no win situation for everyone. You agreed to the risk when babysitting, and presumably your kids could have caught it anyway just by her coming into your house.

It’s not possible to eliminate the risk unless you shield.

I hope you all get better soon.

I babysat on Tuesday,
My friend felt sick on Wednesday,
A positive test result on Friday,
I felt shit on Saturday and Sunday and Monday
The fam were sick on Monday

Timeline by Craig David. HTH.

[quote MiddleClassProblem]**@BessMarvin* but the question was is AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?*

And the answers are that. Her friend not telling her over 24 hours after contact that she was starting to have symptoms wouldn’t have changed the fact that OP had already done the babysitting in her own home. The only thing it would have prevented would have been her DH going out but between Tuesday’s babysitting and Friday’s afternoon results, the likelihood that DH was infectious is really small! When is he meant to have seen his friends?

It’s just very over dramatic to be very angry when you were the person breaking the rules by having someone else’s baby in a sling on you for a prolonged period...[/quote]
My point is just that I agree that if someone has symptoms and needs to get tested, they should let people they've possibly infected know.

And my point is that it wouldn’t have made much difference