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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gave me covid - AIBU about how I feel right now

403 replies

aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 12:52

Just want to know if I'm overreacting here.

I agreed to babysit a friend's baby for an hour last week so she could run an errand. They came to my house and I kept baby in the sling throughout (baby's happy place apparently).

Three days later I got a call from this friend who had tested positive for covid. The following day I started feeling unwell, a couple of days after that my DC developed a temperature and my DH also started feeling unwell. We got tests and are currently all covid positive.

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat. So two days before she told me about the test result. I'd seen her DH one of the residential streets here wearing a mask the day after I babysat (so the day of the night her symptoms started) which I remember thinking was odd as literally nobody else was on the road except for me. But maybe a coincidence or he always wears it - as she said symptoms started that night.

If she'd told me when her symptoms had started I would have been way more careful around my DC and DH but as I had no symptoms myself and was unaware of hers, nothing changed. Still cuddling and kissing my two year old, sharing cutlery at dinner, not wiping down handles indoors etc. My DH continued to go to work and saw friends (they all have to self isolate now and one feels unwell). Luckily I knew about the result before going into work that weekend and before seeing my high risk family members. By sheer luck I'd had to cancel a play date the day after I babysat.

AIBU to be very angry that I could have prevented infecting my family?

OP posts:
stretchedmarks · 10/10/2020 14:25

YABU. Get a grip.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 14:25

@Myalternate I babysat Tuesday afternoon last week. I was informed on Friday late afternoon (of friend's result) and started feeling 'off' late on Saturday night. My friend said she started feeling unwell on weds (day after I babysat) and she got the results on Friday (I assume so anyway as that's the day she told me).

We sent our tests off this Tuesday (they arrived late Monday) - got my DD's results first on Thursday and mine only came through today though I knew what they would be x

OP posts:
Ilovemypantry · 10/10/2020 14:26

@Augustbreeze

Are you saying that the minute any of us realises we have one of the three main symptoms we should tell anyone who might be a close contact?

You could be right, but I don't think anyone's doing that at the moment. A few might tell you if they've booked a test, most wouldn't until they had a positive result and some not even then.

Yes, that’s exactly what you should be doing. Too late once you’ve booked a test and got results.
ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 10/10/2020 14:27

@aibuQuestion

I really don't care/blame etc that I got it. Not sure people are actually reading the point here.

If you'd been with a friend at their house, and 24 hours later got 2 of the 3 main covid symptoms (we are all very aware of what those are), would you not think to tell your friend this rather than waiting god knows how long for results?

I've not had any of the main symptoms FWIW so those talking about incubation periods etc, well who knows as I've had wooziness, a bad stomach, and a slightly heavy feeling in my throat and I only started feeling a bit throaty 4 days after this contact.

Actually, I think everyone gets your point.

But your point is that you don't understand your friend's behaviour here: her failure to tell you as soon as she displayed worrying symptoms.

Many readers' point is that they don't understand your behaviour, accepting a non-bubble baby into your home for babysitting, and then inviting your friend in for a chat, when you're clearly still very worried about and wiping down everything that comes int your home because of the virus.

We understand you only want to talk about your point and direct any and all criticism at your friend, but that's not quite how AIBU works.

Original poster
aibuQuestion · 10/10/2020 14:28

@Quaagars it's not her fault she got covid. My AIBU is around feeling that as a good friend who'd been in close contact, I'd have been told sooner that she had 2/3 main covid symptoms. I'd have liked to know as soon as she'd developed them to play my part in minimising spreading further than me.

OP posts:
timeforanewstart · 10/10/2020 14:29

You can't guarantee your friend gave it to you , one of you could of gave to her even or you could of caught from two seperate places
She told you once you had a test and unless her dc had it then you must of also not sd from her to think she gave it to you
Different if she came to yours with symptoms or knowing she had covid

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 10/10/2020 14:30

YABVU

emilyfrost · 10/10/2020 14:32

YABVU, as an almost entire thread of people have told you. She let you know she was positive as soon as she was aware.

Quaagars · 10/10/2020 14:33

@Quaagars it's not her fault she got covid. My AIBU is around feeling that as a good friend who'd been in close contact, I'd have been told sooner that she had 2/3 main covid symptoms

She did tell you, according to your OP she didn't have symptoms when you babysat, they started the night after.
The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat
So how can she have told you sooner if she didn't have any symptoms when you were there?!

user19990 · 10/10/2020 14:33

I understand what you are saying OP. And I agree. I would be fuming too. That's not really acceptable of her.

Same thing happened to me and I saw my Nan in that small bracket of time. Turned out the person had a negative test but I was fuming that I wasn't told sooner.

ScarMatty · 10/10/2020 14:33

Sorry but no. If I got a slight cough in the evening I would wait until the next day to see if it develops and then prioritise booking a test

Not contacting you

YABVU

EhUp · 10/10/2020 14:33

YABU

You shouldn't have agreed to babysit if you aren't willing to accept the risk of covid

timeforanewstart · 10/10/2020 14:34

Prob would of beeb a good call doe her to let you know when she developed symptoms though so you could decide how to manage , but she may of just not thought and i think often people wait for test result , but i would prob tell someone if i had main symptoms and has been in close contact within last couple days before symptoms just to advise ,

Hatscats · 10/10/2020 14:36

Kids have colds, and other grim diseases. Just one of those things, I’d just move on with my life!

Defenbaker · 10/10/2020 14:40

YANBU to feel frustrated that she didn't flag up her symptoms to you when they first occurred, the day after you babysat, it would have been considerate of her to warn you, but I doubt you could have prevented your family catching it anyway, the damage was probably already done.

Hopefully you will all have a mild form of the virus, then have immunity for the winter, before the crisis hits the NHS. In some ways this would be a good result. Get well soon, OP.

lockdownalli · 10/10/2020 14:40

@GoldfishParade

So basically, you decided to live your life as if there was no pandemic, and are now angry you have a virus?

Come on OP.

Exactly!
ivfbeenbusy · 10/10/2020 14:41

A temperature of 38 is hardly a temperature given that the upper limit for "normal" is 37.5 🤷‍♀️

SATSmadness · 10/10/2020 14:41

This is precisely why we're minimising contact with others despite being in a low incidence area at present (but rising rapidly since colleges and university students returned).

My teens are at school and I'm forced to be in the workplace daily (even though I could work from home with no problems as was proved during lockdown). That's sufficient contact for us to mean that I will not go in to my parents house. It's getting harder to have a garden visit observing the 2m guideline) for any length of time now that Autumn's here but it's the safest option at the moment.

IwishIwasyoda · 10/10/2020 14:41

Sorry OP think YABU. Why would friend tell you she had symptoms before getting the result of the test? What could've you have realistically done - you'd already done the babysitting. Also you could well have picked it up from elsewhere - i.e. your DC in childcare.

Surely what is important now is that you are all well?

Plussizejumpsuit · 10/10/2020 14:43

Yabu.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/10/2020 14:44

@user19990

I understand what you are saying OP. And I agree. I would be fuming too. That's not really acceptable of her.

Same thing happened to me and I saw my Nan in that small bracket of time. Turned out the person had a negative test but I was fuming that I wasn't told sooner.

Fuming!?! People must live in rage atm!
BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 14:44

[quote MiddleClassProblem]@BessMarvin at best he saw 5 people’s d should have been distancing. Clearly the problem is they don’t social distance. And either way, until the friend had a positive test, they would not have been required to isolate at which point I’m hoping the husband did. So what are the chances, that two days before OP got sick and a few days later her DH got sick, he had passed it in to friends in those couple of days before the friend’s result came back? I mean this must be around a week after the event, right?
His incubation period is a huge question mark...[/quote]
If they aren't social distancing where they should be this isn't right. I'm not saying the op is blameless. I'm just agreeing the aibu point as so many people are choosing to interpret it as a different question.

BrummyMum1 · 10/10/2020 14:46

to play my part in minimising spreading further than me.

In order to do this you should have declined babysitting. I don’t have any friends asking others to babysit right now for exactly that reason.

user19990 · 10/10/2020 14:47

@MiddleClassProblem your right, I am actually living in rage 🤣 🤦‍♀️

BessMarvin · 10/10/2020 14:49

@Quaagars

The friend had said her symptoms started the night after I babysat

Probably already been said, but how on earth is it her fault if her symptoms didn't start until the day AFTER you babysat?
She's presumably not psychic Confused

It has been explained, many times.